Bad Times Remembered

[Cinders]

Bad Times Remembered

Mary,

It is funny you posted this last post. I have been thinking about this a lot and we discussed this quite a bit in rehab.

We have been numbing a lot of emotions. (In my case 30+ years of numbing.) We numbed boredom, depression, anxiety, stress, excitement, irritation, anger, happiness, sadness, ALL emotions.

Suddenly, we are dealing with these things and I, for one, tend to overreact to them all. Now, when my husband irritates me (God Bless him, after 32 years he still knows how to do it and do it well) I do jump all over him.

Unfortunately, asserting myself has never been a problem for me. Drunk or sober. :H

So, I need to take quick "check points" of my feelings when I sense them welling up, stand back and assess before I react. It is the only way I can deal reasonably with them. I truly do want the marriage to survive my sobriety.

I also know that learning how to respond appropriately to stimulii it crucial to my recovery. I not only want to recover, I want to recovery happily. I want to be a happy sober person and not one that struggles with sobriety.

Glad you posted this thread. It was a good reminder that I must continue to work on remembering 1. I have hurt others with my drinking and should do whatever I can to heal those hurts. 2. I must learn to deal with my emotions in a healthy way. 3. I must "checkpoint" before reacting to insure I don't inappropriately respond and hurt again.

Thanks!!
Cindi

[retteacher]

Bad Times Remembered

Cindi: Thank you so much for your response. Your marriage will definitely survive your sobriety. I feel mine has actually grown (after almost 36 years) in the past 60 days of sobriety. AA/Alanon suggests that if I'm dealing w/charged situations & my feelings around them, I should to ask myself: "How important is it?" If it is important enough to talk about then: "Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean." All the Alanon/AA slogans may seem corny to some, but I find them helpful.

It's not easy feeling all my feelings after so many years of blunting them w/alcohol. Sometimes I feel like I can jump out of my skin. However, it is getting easier. Also, I'm not nearly so hard on my husband as I was the first few weeks of sobriety. Mary

[trixietrack]

Bad Times Remembered

cindi and mary
I get such strength from reading your posts. I am so glad to be able to come here and see that we are all being positive and supportive with each other.

this is a god send

Trix

[retteacher]

Bad Times Remembered

Thanks TrixieT: We all need each other. This is a battle that cannot be fought alone. M

[chrysa]

Bad Times Remembered

Heavy heavy thread...I think you are all remarkable...

I think alcoholics/addicts in recovery are among the most beautiful people on Earth

[chrysa]

Bad Times Remembered

...and can be the most fierce warriors

[rudemama]

Bad Times Remembered

reteacher, thanks for this thread i find it so hard to accept the fact that i can't drink, i think oh i'll have a good time or it is a party... it is important for me to look back at the lost events and relationships thank you for being here you are one of my heroes rudemama

[retteacher]

Bad Times Remembered

Chrysa: We have to be warriors. Addiction is a very strong opponent. I absolutely need those reminders of why I want to stay AF every single day. The opposite message of "go ahead...you deserve a break today" is so strong & ingrained. My break to day will be herbal tea, rest, & relaxation...not poison.
Rudemama: I don't think about the future wo/booze very often (though it isn't as scary as it used to be). I commit each day to a sober life. If there is a special challenge (party, event, etc.), I try a little harder to remember the benefits of sobriety & the horrors of drinking. Mary

[Accountable for Me]

Bad Times Remembered

Mary, I think it is good for any of us to remember the bad times we had while drinking. It will remind us as to why we want to maintain our sobriety.

You are on such a good path with your AF. Keep on going. I love your posts because they come from the heart and not only is it good for you to read your thoughts, but a lot of us can relate to them as well.

[nancy]

Bad Times Remembered

Yes, I agree, with accountable. Mary is a true inspirtation and we are so glad to see you doing well.

[retteacher]

Bad Times Remembered

Thank you everyone...you keep me sober. M

[FinallyRN]

Bad Times Remembered

Like everyone else here, I have many. Where do I start? I think the most painful memories I have are of the next day, having to face waht I did, the anxiety and the guilt, feeling like shit about myself. And if that isn't bad enough, having to face the people that witnessed my performance. I have seen pity in peoples eyes and embarrassment in their eyes FOR me. Thats when I knew I must have been pretty bad cos' obviously I don't remember.
I try not to dwell on it too much because it would set off a depression that wouldn't quit.
BUT by far I am sad for the lost opportunites with my son. I could have had a lot more memories with him other than his of me recuperating on the sofa.
But thats the past right? Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

[retteacher]

Bad Times Remembered

FRN: Yes, that's past. We can think about it as a learning tool. Nothing anyone says or thinks about us (after a binge) is as bad as how we feel about ourselves. However, the fact that you're here & doing so well cancels all that other stuff out. I responded to your post on the newbie thread about your son's antic of yesterday. You're being a parent to him now. He's on notice. No more recuperation on the couch (I'm all too familiar w/that scene). M