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**Accountable for Me** · December 7, 2007, 10:47 AM

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OK.... well I think that this is part of puberty, really. My eldest, who is now 14 would say that when she didn't get her own way. I think it is a 'stage'.

BUT..... with that being said, if you do see something totally OUT of the ordinary, don't hesitate to call your doctor.

I also found that when my daughter had threatened it a couple of times, I CALMLY told her I was going to make an appointment for her to see a therapist. She never threatened it again.

**notevergivingup** · December 7, 2007, 10:55 AM

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Accountable for Me,

I told her that I was going to have to call the doctor, if she kept saying that to, hopefully she wont say it again, I hate hearing her say that. I only hope it is only a pre-teen thing. Other than her tantrums she is pretty good.

Thanks,
Twosox

**beatle** · December 7, 2007, 10:58 AM

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oh gosh, have no idea. (My kids are slightly younger). Just wanted to say-- WOW you have a challenge there, and good for you on being sober to deal with this.
I'm sure others will be here to give you advice.

**Accountable for Me** · December 7, 2007, 10:59 AM

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I am hoping it is simply the preteen thing too. They get so riley and emotional. I totally can empathize. Just keep a close eye on things. I am sure she will be OK. You are a good parent for addressing this concern. When my daughter hit 12 she was an emotional roller coaster. My daughter is a good kid too for the most part. When she does get into a mood - Watch Out Sally!

Hang in there.... you only have many more years of this. LOL.

**betty boop** · December 7, 2007, 10:59 AM

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Twosox, sorry can't help but i'm sending you a great big cyberhug!!!!!

Thinking of you ...............

**jane jane** · December 7, 2007, 11:31 AM

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She wants to get a rise out of you, of course. And what better way to terrify a parent than to threaten suicide? My older girl wasn't too awful at this stage (though there were moments) but Baby Jane (now 18 and fine) was Little Miss Drama Queen, for sure! She threw a fit once (we'd forbidden her to attend an unsupervised party when she was all of 13) and told us she DIDN'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE if this sort of restrictive torture was all life held, ya ta ta ta.

I wanted to punish her for mouthing off so rudely to us, but Mr. Jane (wisest Daddy on earth) said, "Let me talk to her." We let her fume and rage in her room for an hour or so, then Mr. J went and sat on her bed, and explained exactly what "suicide" entailed, how extremely unpleasant each method is, and how very final it is. He broke into tears when he described finding his boarding-school roommate after he'd shot himself (not fatally, thank God, but still, the blood!) and he concluded by saying, "You must NEVER talk about ending your own life unless you really, truly mean it. And if you mean it, we'll get help for you. But this is not something you can EVER say unless you're prepared to carry it out, Missy."

She had no idea she'd been taken seriously, and the very thought scared her. When she calmed down, we talked some more, and she even asked why suicide is a mortal sin in the Catholic church. My initial response was, "well...it just IS," but that seemed lame. So I called our priest, and he had the answer: it's a mortal sin because it's the ONE sin you cannot confess/ask forgiveness/receive absolution for.

I think kids have no idea what they mean when they say "kill myself." I hope they don't. But here's always the chance, these days, that they DO know, and have the means to effect it. That's why it's so vital that we, as parents, BE THERE so we can know our children---and whether they're just blowing smoke or in serious mental trouble.

**notevergivingup** · December 7, 2007, 01:08 PM

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thank you all for such great advice, I hope she is only blowing steam, I'm pretty sure she is, because other than the tantrums she is a pretty happy 11 year old. She goes over other peoples houses and I always get compliments on how great she is. jane jane I also believe it is a sin to kill yourself and you can't ask for forgivness once its done. I have told her it was a sin, but really didn't explain why, I think I will. I think I will have a talk with her about suicide and just how permanet it is and if she continues to say this, I really think I will take her to see some one. Again thank you so much really needed some advice. She's my first baby and I'm not sure exactly what to expect with each age. Just trying to do my best, even better reason to stay af.

twosox

**Breez** · December 7, 2007, 01:35 PM

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two sox (first I love the avatar)

but can't really give words of wisdom. My daughter turned 9 but found that in the past she would act up when I drank (I thought I was fine-a fine functional drinker). She would be so disrespectful-meanwhile I was drinking~so disrespectful to her. Somehow I keep thinking this will catch up to me & bite me in the butt.

Even now-almost a yearAF I'm cleaning up after the mess I made. I can only imagine(since she's still immature & young) the crap I'm going to get when she hits puberty.

I just remember when I was young (I had very strict parents) that I asked for something & was told no that I said "I hate you-I wish I were dead". It killed my mom-she said those were the worst words she could hear from her child.....proceeded to lock herself in her room & cry. Made me feel like crap & I never did it again. I think I was 14.

Best thing to do is be AF. I, as a AF mom, can make better judgements. Sending a BIG cyber hug-being a parent-ugh.:l

**jane jane** · December 7, 2007, 01:46 PM

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Twosox, how many babies do you have? You're hitting the "danger years" for sure. Helps to have a sense of humor. The good news is, they really truly, DO emerge from the Drama Years and become decent human creatures again. If your oldest is just 11, you've got some troubled waters ahead---no question---but 'twill pass.

When I was ready to strangle my two and give them up for adoption, it helped me to remember what a little bitch I was in adolescence. And a phone call to my big brother (father of 3 WILD boys) always made me feel better. His kids got in MUCH worse trouble than my girls ever did!

Stay strong!

**MyOwnWoman** · December 7, 2007, 01:52 PM

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I have a major drama, highly emotional daughter myself. And she's only 10, and has been this way forever. (I'm terrified for the coming years) She has said several times over the past few years "I hate my life, I wish I was dead." I know how terrifying it is to hear that. But do I think she is actually suicidal? No, I don't.

When I was 12 I was truly suicidal. I lived in a terribly dysfunctional, alcoholic home with various forms of abuse. I remember being in 7th grade and spending all my days trying to figure out how I was going to take myself out. And I would probably have carried it out - really - if my 17 year old brother hadn't beaten me to it. His suicide nearly destroyed my mom, and I knew that I could never go through with it.

Now remember - I was in an awful home. If I'd had the same emotional make-up in a "normal" home, I suspect I'd likely get those blues that girls do in puberty, but I'm sure I wouldn't have seriously considered suicide.

I don't know if I've said anything that helps you. I'd recommend reading up on what girls go through during this period, if you haven't. Oh - I ahve a great one, but can't remember the name of it right now. It's for moms of pre-pub girls, making the point that our girls are going through major life changes at the same time we are going through ours - perimenopause. Anyway, become familiar with signs of true depression etc.

Sounds like you are a wonderful mom.

**notevergivingup** · December 7, 2007, 05:00 PM

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jane jane I have three kids. 11,9, and 4. I had a talk with my daughter after school today about her comment. She said she didn't really want to kill herself, she only said it to get her own way. WOW - I couldn't believe she admitted that, she also said when she prayed last night she asked GOD to forgive her for saying it. I told her if she ever really felt that way to talk to me and we would get her help. But agian she assured me, she wasn't serious. Deep down I didn't think she was, seeing what a happy 11 year old she usually is, minus the sarcasm we have to keep in check now and again. But still hate to hear those words come out of someone you love so much. We had a nice little chat about other things as well. Hopefully, that will be the last time I ever hear her say that. I do want her to be happy, but like I told her there still are rules and she needs to listen to them. I will be making a purchase at amazon on the pre-teen. I need to arm myself for whats to come.

Thanks again for all your support on this,
Twosox

**beatle** · December 7, 2007, 06:17 PM

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This has been an interesting thread for me. My kids are a couple years younger, but it's good to be armed. thank you all for your very good advice.

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