TEEEEEEENAGERS!!!!

[PJ]

Uggh! My 18 year old (b-day was Weds), who's recently decided that partying every day is the life style she wants to lead, just came home with an attitude!

She'd been at a party all night and called me to pick her up at 5 am, because her best friend left her stranded (again). I told I'd be there in the morning after I took my granddaughter home. So she started screaming about how "I don't care about what happens to her"...

She hitch-hiked home with a stranger that wanted "a date", and now she's rambling about how "I've proven that I don't care what happens to her". This, along with the sounds of lot of stuff breaking in her room...

[notevergivingup]

TEEEEEEENAGERS!!!!

Sorry to hear about your trouble with your daughter, scares me alot of whats to come, I was just having problems with my 11 year old girl. Just to let you know my daughter says that often I don't care what happens to her but only when she is not getting her way, she also says much worse things that I posted yesterday in a thread(like I want to kill myself). Hopefully your daughter has calmed down and you both can talk.

Twosox

[beatle]

TEEEEEEENAGERS!!!!

As I said, my kids are still in the single digits, so I am finding these comments very interesting (and scary!).

My girl is an absolutely incredibly loving, mature, and responsible 9 year old. It's very difficult for me to imagine her ever acting like what you described... but I guess those hormones can transform a kid without them even knowing it.

The boys are a little more careless (though still sweet and loving when not posing for other boys) and it's not hard for me to foresee some power struggles in the future... I'm doing my best to get prepared.

[PJ]

TEEEEEEENAGERS!!!!

Uggh! I had to call my 23 year old over to mediate. Her sister was threatening to wake the baby (my granddaughter) up, to somehow "prove" whatever inebriated point she was trying to make...

When does this "stage" end??????????????????

[Eastender]

TEEEEEEENAGERS!!!!

I am sooooooowith you PJ.
I feel like I have been in the teenage stage for over 10 years now. My eldest is 26(going on 15) and youngest 17.
All three of mine were lovely well behaved kids until the hormones kicked in and then they became strange tattooed and pierced strangers even monsters to me!
My 17 year old daughter has just started a regular job and has just realised her life sucks, GUESS WHAT it is ALL MY fault!!!!!!
I am her personal chauffeur banker confidente (when she feels like it) and punchbag.

Sorry can't offer you much advice, just take it with a pinch of salt. get as much rest as they will allow and hang on to your hat! (and put your valubles somewhere safe) think of it as a hurricane!
I have heard that the arguments teenagers have with family are learning boards, a safe environment which prepares them for independance in the outside world/life.
(Outsiders are not so forgiving)
Their memory is very short, (especially when it comes to money and favours) But on good days (not very many,) they provide endless resources when it comes to amusement!

Good Luck (or should that be "DUCK"LOL)

[Lucy Van Pelt]

TEEEEEEENAGERS!!!!

I know teens can be trying. I also have an 18 year old daughter and a 16 year old son. However, I am wondering...why was she at an all night party? I think I might have taken her comment of "you don't care what happens to me" and use it to my advantage..."yes, I care very much what happens to you...that is why I am not allowing you to go to an all night party!" 18 or not, if my kids are living at home, and dependant on me, then I still get to make some ground rules. Maybe I am too strict?

Hope you day is going better.

Beth

[PAMN]

TEEEEEEENAGERS!!!!

Teenagers. Sigh.

My 18 year old step-daughter, who dropped out of high school at 16 (got her GED thank goodness) can't hold a job longer than two weeks (and goes months between those two week jobs). She just discovered you don't have health insurance after age 18 if you aren't in school and called ME screaming and crying because she has to go get another exam and get on a less expensive birth control. I didn't mind - at least she's on birth control!!!

My 16 year old step-daughter.....very long story short: last 18 months has been 2 overdoses, dropped out of high school after we discovered she missed 45 days of school in a row (she lives with her mom - we never thought to look online at attendance)....her mom finally simply signed off for her to be emancipated...and she came to live with us where it was sneaking out at night, sex, drugs, etc. We put her in a safe center and in a moment of COMPLETE insanity my husband co-signed on the emancipation papers......and she married an 18 year old. He hits her and goes to jail, she calls us, we take her in, he gets out, she sneaks out and goes back to him. This last time they took things from our home before they left....so we are done.

Teenagers.....sigh.

[Eastender]

TEEEEEEENAGERS!!!!

I did try the tough love parent for a time with my 17 year old daughter,
I disliked her controlling abusive boyfriend she had since she was 15. He was older and already had a child with another young girl. My attempt to confine her with my house rules just worked in reverse and made her more defiant.
It only made things worse she disappeared for days at a time, and I spent many a sleepless tearful night worried whether she was dead or alive.
Her boyfriend suffered with paranoia (Drug induced) even his own mother who he had also bitten in a frenzy, attempted to get him sectioned without sucess .
I held onto the fact that inside she was still that sweet baby I held not so long ago...
My patient husband said that she would only change when she realized herself that her life was not on the right path. How right he was!
I put the consequences to her actions out there for the Universe/God to sort out.
I got an answer , She was pregnant! I was heartbroken.
I then took her for the abortion SHE had decided to have, then she parted with the BF of her own decision. Reality had somhow hit her!
Unfortunately, he did not let her go easily and still to this day stalks her!
She has a lovely boyfriend now, who is soooooo good for her.
She is still a pain in the arse teenager. The most important thing to me now is she is safe.

Sorry if this is a bit of a downer but I wanted to share my experience. I would not wish the hell I went through on ANYONE!

[vinophile]

TEEEEEEENAGERS!!!!

As the mother of thre boys ages 20,17 and 15 I can sure sympathize!!!!
Although I have (as yet) no huge problem I sit here sucking on antacids as even the smallest conversations can set the stomach acids flowing.
I especially miss the younger years at this time of year. It is so difficult to get a word out of them let alone some enthusiasm. Monosyllabic grunts are the favourite form of communication.
Thank God for the dogs!!!!

[Accountable for Me]

TEEEEEEENAGERS!!!!

Yep - If she were living under my roof I surely wouldn't let her out to an all night party either. Here the legal age to drink is 19 - so I would ultimately be the one responsible. I know, easier said than done.

My daughter who is 14 was an angel until she hit puberty just over a year ago.... whole different ball game now. She isn't interested in partying or anything yet, but wow - her attitude is that of Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde.

Fun, fun, fun.........

[PJ]

TEEEEEEENAGERS!!!!

OMG! Thanks to everyone for commeraderie and support! The stories are helpful too, for not feeling like I'm the only one dealing with this sort of behavior.

As it turns out, in many ways this latest behavior is actually an improvement over the last two months. Previously, she suddenly quit the job she'd had for two years and started sleeping 12-14 hours each day, then staying up all night and inviting her new-found worthless "friends" over to get drunk and high in my basement all night. It seems as though they may have finally gotten the hint that I don't approve (after the 5th or 6th instance of having the call the police to get rid of them).

This week, upon turning 18, she seems to have decided that the house rules she was sneaking to break before don't apply at all any more. Uggh! And of course it's all my fault that she ended up getting stranded at a party she didn't have permission to go to, with a bunch of people she didn't know. Then, since I elected to let her deal with the consequences of partying all night by letting her wait a more convenient time for me to pick her up, it's now my fault that she chose to hitch-hike home... Uggh!

[FinallyRN]

TEEEEEEENAGERS!!!!

I have only one which I'm sure makes it easier, but he is 17 going on 18 in a few months. I agree with Bak310. Why do you let anyone treat you like that? Would you put up with this if it were a friend? Its your house.
I'd only respect her if she respected me which by the looks of it she doesn't. Has she been likes this for awhile or only since she's 18 and therefore in her eyes grown-up.

Good luck.

[PJ]

TEEEEEEENAGERS!!!!

In some ways, this has been building up for a while. She was a great kid until this year. Responsible, outgoing, charismatic, etc. Then last Dec she was sexually assaulted. During the months leading up to the trial, she started becoming somewhat withdrawn by comparison, a lot more moody, and random angry outbursts over the smallest things. All the while she's flatly refused any kind of treatment or counseling.

During this same time, my sister (her aunt) died and we took in my behaviorally and emotionally challenged (how's that for polite wording) 14 year old niece. I've spent the better part of this past year getting my niece into a variety of mental health and drug treatment in between a string of court appearances and subsequent house arrest and probation visits. So now the 18 year old also blames me for "letting" the now-15 year old destroy our family, as well as me not having "any" time for her any more.

So just about the time I start getting the 15 year old straightened out (over the last two months), the 18 year old spirals out of control. Now this kid who used to be so dependable has a DWI, quit her job, dropped out of college, got a whole new group of "friends", started getting stupid drunk every few days, and sleeps 12-14 hours a day. Hopefully, when she goes to court on the 21st for the DWI, they'll either give her enough jail time to detox and start thinking straight again, or order her into treatment and a psych evaluation.

I know she needs help, but in Virgina the laws are such that she either has to volunteer or be court ordered. Sitting back and waiting until she gets into enough trouble to have either legal or medical consequences is killing me!

[PJ]

TEEEEEEENAGERS!!!!

Strange, strange, strange! This afternoon, she's back to acting totally normal and upbeat again - like last night and this morning's events never happened. This is one roller coaster ride I'd REALLY like to get off of.

[Eastender]

TEEEEEEENAGERS!!!!

PJ,
I am totally with you, You are doing great ,such a lot to cope with.
I was always dealt with strictly as a teen myself but my parents have admitted that things have changed these days and the "old" ways of discipline do not work anymore.
My daughter screams shouts one minute and hugs me and says sorry the next,like the upset never happened, so confusing!
I am now a firm believer in "walk a mile in my shoes" because until you are there it is hard to understand.
I wish you peace and hope that this phase will soon be over and it will i am sure.
You are doing the best you can and thats all we can do!