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    #1

    When, when, when?

    Hi Everyone: Because I had a lot of years of drinking & trying to stop, I have a few thoughts about when is the best time to stop or moderate. I always chose significant dates to stop: Jan. 1 (of course), Christmas, Thanksgiving, my birthdate, my loved ones' birthdates, Mother's Day, my anniversary, the first day of the month, the first day of the week, & other dates ad infinitum. Within a few days, I'd be back at the bottle again. I've now found that it's not about the date. It's about the willingness to face each day & say: "I'm not going to drink today." It's about looking at what made us drink & changing. It's about having a plan. I had my last drink on Oct. 5, 2007. I woke up the next day & said: "Drinking is not something I want in my life." It was a committment, deep down in my heart, that I hadn't made previously. No lip service...just hard work.

    How many of us are waiting until after the holidays, Jan. 1, or whatever date? Just remember that it's more about willingness & attitude than something external like what date it is.

    I hope this doesn't sound preachy. I haven't got all that much sobriety. I just thought I'd share some thoughts w/everyone. Love, Mary
    Wisdom, Courage, Strength
    October 3, 2012
    Tags: None
    #2
    When, when, when?

    I can't tell you how many 'special' dates I had lined up for quitting. When I managed to say 'see ya' to the bottle it wasn't a special date at all. It was the 29th of December.

    I was so SICK and TIRED of being sick and tired that I said, enough... I am not waiting until after New Years. I have had a couple of minor slips in the summer, so I don't have a lengthy time of complete sobriety either, but heck, what a year it has been.

    I think people do it when they do it. I think setting a date places a lot of pressure. And if you fail, it really hammers on your self esteem. Anyway, I am just rambling. What I wanted to say is that I didn't set a date. I just woke up one morning and decided that was it.

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      #3
      When, when, when?

      thank you for this post...i have missed several dates as well. now i am telling myself everyday is the day to quit...unfortunately i can't seem to stop. how much we put are selves through !

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        #4
        When, when, when?

        Good thoughts Mary. Also AFM. You have both been mentors for me in a way, thank you. No day is like today. Yes, that is so right.
        Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

        Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

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          #5
          When, when, when?

          Just wanted to add my 2 cents. I didn't pick a date either. I prayed all the time that God would help me quit but I knew I had to want to do it bad enough. Anyway, Nov. 4th was my day. I also just woke up and said "enough!" Never really thinking it would be permanent but the more I go A/F the more I want too. It feels so good. Good luck to everyone.

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            #6
            When, when, when?

            Great post, Mary. Lots of food for thought in it. I'm new to this AF thing - just day 4 for me, and why I picked Thursday, Dec. 6th to call it quits.....I'll never know. I'm glad I jumped on the train though.
            Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons.

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              #7
              When, when, when?

              I picked a date, although there was nothing special about it. I did, however, communicate it to two special friends of mine who have been behind me all the way. When the day to stop came, part of me didn't want to stop, but I didn't want to let myself down. I also knew from past experience that it is easier once you just stop than to continue to torment myself.

              I've been sober almost 6 months, and I'm proud.

              Kathy
              AF as of August 5th, 2012

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                #8
                When, when, when?

                You should be very proud!!

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                  #9
                  When, when, when?

                  I wish I had a dollar for every 'quit date'.
                  I've had so many that now choosing a date is rather meaningless. If I tell myself, "Okay, Monday for real this time," a voice will say, "yeah, right, heard that before." And the level of commitment is much weaker than when I first started quitting.

                  So now I am going one day at a time. I'm drinking much much less, and I want to do a long AF stint - primarily to get my health in order. And though I do think, these days, "might as well wait til after the holidays" (not because of social gatherings, don't have those, but I know when I'm alone on Christmas I'm going to allow myself to drink mimosas), I'm not picking a date. I know (hope!!) that I'll have a day as others among you speak of, that there simply will be a drinking day that is my last.
                  FINALLY -- I'm a non-drinker!!

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                    #10
                    When, when, when?

                    Kathy: 6 months is very wonderful, & it makes me happy to see you say how proud you are of yourself (as well you should be).

                    Everyone: All we have is today to start...even if it's only part of today. We can start on a goal (abs or mod) at any time of the month, week, day, or hour. All we have to say is: "OK...starting now I will not drink." And really mean it. Mary
                    Wisdom, Courage, Strength
                    October 3, 2012

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                      #11
                      When, when, when?

                      Wow! I am a newbie to MWO and this thread brought me to tears. Mary... no one could say it better... what we all hope for. And MyOwnWoman, I hope this day will come for you almost more than I want it for me. You sound like you deserve it as a Christmas present. But please, don't spend Christmas alone. Ever. If you don't have your kids for Christmas, then go and serve Christmas dinner at a shelter.

                      My therapist suggested I go to AA and I wasn't interested. So I read MWO and joined online. It's the best group of people I've met in my life.

                      Thanks, Debbie.
                      dj

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                        #12
                        When, when, when?

                        Debbie: Keep coming. I come here every day. I can't tell you how many times I tried to stop before MWO. Good luck. Mary
                        Wisdom, Courage, Strength
                        October 3, 2012

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                          #13
                          When, when, when?

                          Mary I think you are right,picking a date is easy sticking with it is another thing.
                          for me right now it's hard to make myself say no to some friends who like to drink heavily, it's a big effort and a lot of work. I know that they think I am avoiding them, but I have to for now.
                          It's a big struggle to tell yourself no, have only one, if you can't see yourself having only one, then leave or abstain.
                          You can't turn a pickle into a cucumber

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                            #14
                            When, when, when?

                            Mary...Great Thread!
                            I too have had many years of drinking, always promising myself next week...here it is 30 years later and next week never came until I finally gave in and decided to do it "One Day at a Time", that was 38 days ago. I knew that getting thru the physical was going to be difficult, but it was the mental that scared me more. I knew in my heart that to be successful, I would need to deal with life stressors, whether they be big or small (and it's the small ones that can sometimes catch you!!) without turning to the drink. Once I made that committment to myself the day to day got easier. I will not say that I do not have thoughts of that bottle dancing around in my head, but I am now able to sweep them away by asking myself "What will this accomplish"?...so far the answer has been nothing.....This is new to me and do not have all the answers by any means. I am choosing to take it one day at a time, making no promises....Yes, it is hard work, but the payoff is so well worth it. Mary, you are so right...willingness and committment.
                            sobriety date 11-04-07

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                              #15
                              When, when, when?

                              Retteacher,

                              :thanks: so much for the pep talk. Can always use a good one. I have tried so many times to make it a "New Years Resolution". Never quite made it though. Today I woke up with a poem in my head, and I put it on a thread. I hoping today is MY day.

                              And to everyone else who joined this thread, thank you too for your inspiration.
                              Miss October :blinkylove:

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