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[notevergivingup]

I did it, caved in yesterday, I had two beers. Again my 11 year old daughter had a tantrum, when she was told to do something she didn't want to. She gets so angry, thats it scary, my sister was the same way, but anyway, I was so ticked off and beside myself, I grabbed a beer to calm down. Even though my heart was telling me NO, I thought about dumping it after the first sip, but just kept sipping. Then what I do, but grab another. Feeling guilty the whole time drinking that one to. I actually thought about tearing into the box of wine, that I had already blew it anyway, but Thank GOD, I didn't, I rememberd how great it feels to be AF and I DON'T want to go back to my old ways. I do feel like crap though, here I go again :upset: starting at day one, will I ever make it past two weeks? The last time I caved in, I left here and thought I could do it on my own, I didn't want to admitt and tell everyone I gave in. But I know without all of you and your support and a lot of prayer, I will be right back where I started. I don't ever want to go back there. Ok so here I go day 1 AF for me.

:h you all,
Twosox

[wonderworld]

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Hi Twosox-

I hear how determined you are. And how great that you CHOSE not to crack open the box of wine. Since I got here in October, I've had the same 2-week-ish thing. First 13 days, then 17 days, now on 13 again. And each time it was a family upset that got to me. So those were serious lessons learned about my triggers. Don't dwell in regret or guilt - take whatever you can from the experience that will help you in the future, and put it behind you. Somehow this 13 days are different than the first and second ones. SOMETHING positive is happening. A process. Next time come here and vent before you drink - may save you!

Wonderxx

p.s. - I would have a hard time having the wine in the house during these early days. The beer too. Does your hubby need to have it there? just a thought.....

[Guest]

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Hi twosox,
We really have to learn not to allow anyone or anything upsetting us to cause us to drink..........easier said than done, I know. But, I just try to keep in my head how drink doesn`t change our circumstances and the fact that deep breathing or a brisk walk in the fresh air will calm me if I`m upset.

Wishing you love and strength for today.

Starlight Impress x

[weemelonhead]

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do you know what you did soxy?...............You MODERATED!!!!!!
AF might be what you are going for, but moderation is a GREAT step towards it....I'm buggared if I would have stopped at two beers....truly...the wine would have been opened...I cannot stop...therefore I admire you muchly, and would like to congratulate you on what, to me, is a MAMMOTH achievement!!!!
Next step....two weeks af.......way to go dear.....please use this as a stepping stone...not a brick to beat yourself 'round the head with...
Hugs...weemelon xxx

[notevergivingup]

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Wonderworld, yes the booze has to be in the house, my husband can't go without it. I wish he could. That is great your on day 13 - keep it up. Maybe just maybe I can get there. I wish I could come here and vent, but hubby still does not know about my secret place, eventually I will tell him, so I don't have to hide it.

Starlight Impress, thanks for the encouraging words. I have been having a problem with my 11 year old latley and was doing really well this past week not turning to the booze. I don't know WHY I gave in, when I really love being AF more than drinking, which I couldn't say before. I would have gone for a walk or something, but didn't want to miss the football game - was a big one. I know probably not a very good excuse, but I love my pats.

weemelonhead, moderation entered my head for a breif moment while I was sipping that second beer, but quickly went away, because I know now I just can't. I always end right back where I started. But I have to say I am very happy that I was able to stop but still sad that now I am back at day one.

Twosox

[retteacher]

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Sox: I'm so glad you came back to MWO & explained. You'll be back in the AF groove before long. In the meantime, thank goodness you didn't give in to the impulse not to come to MWO. That's just an invitation to drink to excess. I have slipped & my inclination was to stay away (whether it's embarrassment or just wanting to continue to drink...I'm not sure). Coming back to MWO forestalled a binge.

Long after our loved ones have gotten over whatever upset them or caused a tantrum, we're still paying the price w/regret & sometimes a hangover. I don't want to be the person who let others manipulate me into something I don't want to do w/moods & tantrums. You're stronger than your daughter's tantrum. Let her know that. Mary

[Niblet]

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Sox, you should be proud of yourself in that you stopped at two, knowing fullwell that drinking anymore would be a bad idea...
I have 2 teenage boys, so I know how they can get on your last nerve at times. Good Luck and keep us posted on your progress...

[notevergivingup]

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Thanks, I just called my insurance company to get a couple of referalls for family counseling. I don't know how else to deal with her rage, when she is not getting her way. It's like she becomes a whole other person. Retteaher, I don't want to be that person who gets manipulated into doing things I know I don't want to either. I know when I don't have any alcohol in me, I don't yell back, I may talk louder, but have more control over the anger. Niblet thanks, I am happy I was able to stop. My daughter hit my last nerve last night, things have got to change.

Twosox

[Reenie]

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Thanks for sharing your "trigger" Twosox. Avoid drinking next time by recognizing what sets you off. Alcohol isn't going to solve any problems for you. The same problems will be there the next day. So take the challange head on and do your best to deal with it alcohol free.

[Accountable for Me]

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You should be so very proud of yourself for admitting you cannot moderate for one thing! I think a lot of people here are still struggling with that one.

Two beers is a lot better than 3 or a dozen! For you to not open the box of wine, really shows you are aware of what you are thinking/doing.

It might not seem like a triumph in your eyes. I see it as a huge step towards becoming AF. Honestly, awareness, and a strong will, is what I see in you!

[notevergivingup]

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Reenie, stress definatley triggers wanting a drink, before everything did, wether I was happy or sad or just because, but stress is the biggy. Last night was more stress, not my daughter this time, but the stinkin bills, trying to figure what to pay now and let go for later really sucks! But guess what I didn't grab a drink, thought about it, but knew if I did I would feel even worse. You are very right the drink don't solve anything, just makes it worse.
Accountable for Me, thank you so much for such encouraging words it really means a lot! I think what always, no I know what always drove me back to my old ways was thinking or wishing I could moderate. I can honestly say I will never beable to, just wasn't meant for it. I know I just have to keep taking it one day at a time, I just have to get through today.

Wishing you all well!

:l Twosox

[PJ]

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Hey twosox,

I can certainly identify with the difficulties you're having with your daughter! I've somehow managed to get one through the teenage years, and still have two at home who push my buttons regularly. It always seemed to me like the attitudes started to get out of hand right around the same time as puberty hit (coincidence? I don't think so)

Anyway, knowing all too well that each kid is different and so what works for one unfortunately doesn't always work for the next one, here's a few things I did:

1) Walk away saying something like "I'll discuss it with you after you calm down"
2) Get them involved in activities where they can channel some of that energy in healthy way
3) Reduce sugar and other junk food, including sodas and coolaid type drinks
4) Individual and family therapy (cognitive and behavioral - not just talk)
5) Consistent follow through with appropriate consequences (not threats) unique to each kid (because what motivates one frequently doesn't work with the others)
6) Supplements ("hidden" in fruit juice if they refused to take them)
7) NLP hypnosis CDs on repeat play while they slept at night
8) Meditation and EFT classes
9) Weekly family "meetings" to discuss issues and preferences over a card game or board game
10) School testing for learning disabilities and emotional disabilities
11) Transfer to therapeutic alternative schools to reduce peer influences and gain additional support
12) Call the police and follow through with having them arrested when they did things that were completely out of control and illegal

It can all get soooo exhausting, though. For me, it's like hello! I'm too tired to deal with this any more. Just when one starts behaving right, another one decides its their turn to be difficult. No breaks for me. Yep. It's enough to make anyone think of a drink (or 6) just to escape for a few hours.

Sorry to vent so much. Just wanted you to know, you're not alone dealing with the challenges kids can create. I hear they eventually do grow up though...

[notevergivingup]

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Hi PJ, thanks for the advice, have done some of the stuff already and I'm trying new stuff now. Like sitting together at the dinner table and everybody not eating at different times. I have stuck to her punishment, she is still grounded to her room with no tv or music. Last few days have been rather peaceful. I know we really have to get committed with sticking to what we say (hubby and I). I also decided to limit the time they spend watching tv. I do give them supplements have been for the last month. I think I will throw in a game night to. Again thanks for the advice - much appreciated.

twosox

[Cinders]

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TwoSox,

One other thing to remember is that this is not a race or a competition. Think of all the AF days you have. Those are YOURS forever.

I used to get so angry and discouraged with myself when I lapsed that I didn't want to keep trying.

Now, I realize, hey, this truly is a one day at a time issue, sometimes a few minutes at a time, and we don't consider failure an option. We just keep on keepin' on.

I, for one, refuse to count days for myself now. Because if I do "blow it" I will be seriously devastated. Nope. I have lots of AF days behind me and many more to come. I could NEVER have done that before coming to MWO and rehab.

Not saying it's okay to "blow it" but also not going to let a screw up mess with my mind.

Does that make sense?

Love,
Cindi

ps Am so glad my kids are grown up. Whew!!!

[notevergivingup]

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db2fromala, yes it makes sense, I am trying not to count the days either, but sometimes just can't help myself. I have to tell you, I pray this lasts, I love not wasting away my day sitting in my chair with a beer. Don't ever want to go back to those days. Just have to keep coming here.

Twosox