Why MWO?

[retteacher]

I'm not sure how I got to MWO. I know I was very tortured about my drinking & had been exploring other websites. Somehow, I got to MWO, & it has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. Today, I'm 67 days AF. I never, ever thought I could say that, especially during the holiday season. Why am I here?:
-I wanted my self-confidence back...I was sick of living in fear.
-I wanted my integrity back...I was sick of hiding & lying.
-I wanted my personal growth back...I was sick of being stalled & not progressing.
I'm not sure why MWO worked for me. I'm sure that readiness & committment are part of it. Also, the support & advice I see here are hugely important...as is the common experience we all share.

If there is anyone out there in the MWO site who feels discouraged, please keep hanging in. If you slip (I definitely did...many times), keep coming back here. Admit to the slip & move forward again. Don't remove yourself from MWO because you're embarassed or want to keep binging. I made myself come back here after slips, because I knew that staying away would be the first step in going right back into the alcoholic pit.

Good Luck everyone. Mary

[charlee]

Why MWO?

Mary
I found MWO out of shear desperation. I was online searching for a miracle cure after a stint in detox. It was the most humiliating expierence of my life. I awoke one morning and simply could not function..physically or mentally, begged myu hubby to take me somewhere...anywhere (to dry out, thinking I could handle it after that). I made call after call (in a drunken stooper), and finally found a place to take me that day. I was to check in later in the day, so I thought "what the hell".....and drank some more. I was in pretty rough shape during the check in process. I stayed for 3 days in what I thought was a hospital close to home, only to find out later I was over an hour away from home, in our capital city in a place that...well won't go there, it was bad. Upon release, on the third day, I came home, feeling pretty good. Promising my hubby there was no booze left in the house, and putting him through sheer hell for 3 days....I went right for my hidden stash....It was down hill again!!!
That is when I found MWO....I spent the first few weeks lurking, then chatting..never posted because still drinking I felt undeserving and like a failure. All these folks were at least trying, there may have been slips, but they were at least trying. Things finally clicked for me early Nov. and I remain alcohol free.
I am posting this because I was in chat last night with one of our own who was AF for 3 weeks (I think), and slipped. This member felt hate and disgust for him/her self. I found myself typing the ususal "keep hanging in words", but I certainly knew the feeling.
There is NO going back...just forward, so I too am encouraging anyone who has slipped to please keep coming back. You still have those AF days under your belt, and your body and mind says thank you. You may be starting on day one again, but so what?. We have choices... a new start or keeping ourselves in that dark hole. This can be done with the willingness and committment (Mary, borrowed them from your excellent post yesterday)...2 very important elements that are needed for success whether it be abs or mods....

[rustop61]

Why MWO?

I second everything Mary and Charlee have said. I too found MWO while suffering yet another hangover and asking myself why am I doing this? Did try AA a few times but it just wasnt for me. For 12 years I drank every day but since coming to MWO last year I had 90 AF last year and hope to have 120 AF Days this year. Next year maybe I'll be completely AF but I am taking it ODAT. So if you have slipped as we all have do not stay away, keep coming back.

Rustop

[Miss October]

Why MWO?

Mary,

Congratulations on your 67 AF days today :goodjob: That is so remarkable. You are truly an inspiration to me helping me on my journey to becoming AF. You are living proof that it can be done.

Last year I came across the "Exerpt from RJ's My Way Out", and I totally saw her as if it was me. But I never found this site until this past November. Tomorrow I will have been a member for one month, and let me tell, the AF days seem to be a getting a little easier during the week. It's the weekends that are the bigger challenge.

Last year when I sought help from an addiction specialist, I told him I wanted to cut down, and I did with his help. But after I stopped seeing him, and was feeling so good, I started to drink once again everyday.

So here I am, MWO, with all of you who understand what it is like not to be able to have "just one drink". And from seeing so many of you doing so remarkable well, there is HOPE for ALL OF US.

I have decided after one month of being on MWO, I no longer want to cut down, I want to be FREE. Free to do what I want, when I want. No more being a slave to the bottle, not going anywhere where there will be no wine, no more watching the clock to see when I can start my first glass, no more blackouts, no more losing my temper when something stupid bothers me. I want to be that "sweet person" ALL THE TIME I used to be.

My 12 year old just told me a couple days ago, that I seem so much happier lately (and I am much happier when I am AF), and that he likes to see me talking to my New Friends from all over the world on the computer. And I do too.....love to read all your posts. Thanks for all the support you are giving me even if you don't realize it when you are posting.....EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU :thanks:

[retteacher]

Why MWO?

Ms. O: I too realized fairly recently that I need to go AF. I cannot moderate for the long term. Even if I have a mod day or 2, I'm in a state of obsession about when, where, & how. I think the passion I feel for sobriety has sprung from the realization that AF can & will work for me. It's what I have to do to keep moving forward. Good luck everyone. It's amazing how similar our stories are. Mary

[charlee]

Why MWO?

Good for you Miss October
You can do this!!!...The freedom of the bottle is so worth it...Stay close, keep reading and posting..Yes, there is hope if you truly make the committment.

[wonderworld]

Why MWO?

I found MWO in October while online looking for help. I was very panicked and didn't want to go where I had gone before for support. I have been "in recovery" for my entire adult life, and have known since I was 18 that I am an alcoholic. I have been sober most of that time - 22 out of the last 25 years. I want everyone to know that when I mention that it is not bragging. AT ALL! It's actually out of total humility, to say that, relapses can happen no matter where you are in your journey, and it doesn't have to pull you all the way down. I have known many people who were AF long term, who had a slip and either died or never got back on their feet, because they felt so hopeless, depressed or ashamed about drinking again. I want anyone else in those same shoes to know that they can start again without shame and guilt. That's why MWO has helped me so much. It was a place I could get support and start again ODAT without getting completely bummed out. If I continue to be successful here on MWO, it will be the first time I have been able to catch myself and get back on track, and out of relapse, without major consequences from drinking 'forcing' me too. I owe that to all of you.

Most of my years of sobriety were based on an inital 10 years in AA. I am grateful to that program and always know I can go back full time if I need to. The only thing that may be different from having long term sobriety in the past, is that I know for sure that it can be done (and if I can,anyone can). And I know how good life can be for me without alcohol. Everything I have been through - whether 12 step programs, therapy, spiritual growth, relapses, has shown me that my happiness in sobriety is equal to the degree that I understand and accept the fact that I cannot drink. And that can be a VERY tough nut to swallow, especially in the beginning (again). A part of me will always want to drink, even if I barely notice it for long periods of time.

Thanks Mary for this topic.

wonder xx

[Cinders]

Why MWO?

Wow, Great thread Mary and friends!!

Yes. A replapse does not mean the end, it simply means get up and keep on going.

I relapsed so many times this year. Broke my husband's heart, hurt my family, hurt myself.

I kept coming back to MWO because it is a true lifeline for me.

The option of giving up is not pretty, friends. It is a death sentence in one way or another. Period.

So, let's all remember to keep on keepin' on and take it one day at a time.

I thank God every day for you, my friends, at MWO and my family and AA and Bradford. Without all of you, I could not make it but I have friends everywhere in the world who understand what I am going through and I know what you are going through. We hold each other up and keep each other dear.

Love,
Cindi

[retteacher]

Why MWO?

Cindi: I'm so glad to see your post, & I love that it's so positive. Mary
PS: How did the gingerbread house go w/the g-kids?

[Cinders]

Why MWO?

We ended up making sprtiz cookies instead.

They really enjoyed it and then ate them all. :H

Cindi

[rimwlkr]

Why MWO?

Am just discovering this site and liking what I read. Still dragging my feet re complete abstnc and haven't yet commited to the program as I'm still navigating my way around the site. Did so appreciate all of what has been written. It's a start at least. I'm so tired of this self-loathing and disgust.

[MyOwnWoman]

Why MWO?

I scarcely remember discovering this site, because I came across this place one night while drunk. I'm sure many know the desperation while drunk of wishing to escape the chains of slavery. I'm sure I looked at many sites, and I don't remember what stood out about this one over the others. But I do know why I've kept coming back for nearly three years. This forum alleviates the hell of feeling alone in the struggle, and hearing others' stories and encouragement is inspiring and motivating. But probably most of all, witnessing the beauty, wisdom and strength of so many people here has allowed me to believe that I too possess beauty, wisdom and strength - that being addicted to alcohol does not negate that. It just gets in the way of letting those attributes carry us forward in living with grace and joy.

I had stopped coming here regularly for a few months the end of last year, after acheiving a year of drinking "only" 3-4 nights per week. But now that I am 44 days AF I am coming more often, because it seems I need the comraderie and sharing of stories more than ever. I need to be reminded of the various places we all are - in the pit of daily drunkenness, struggling to find a balance in moderating, losing faith in relapse and finding it again, and in the successes of those who have acheived long-term sobriety and are here to remind us that the fight is worth it, and we are worth it.

And to prove my point - in rmwlr's last line of her/his first post here, above, I receive a gift. I've been a bit down this past week, lamenting somewhat that although I've been AF for so many weeks I'm still fat, moody, messy. But rim, you say "I'm so tired of this self-loathing and disgust" - and I'm reminded that although I still have a lot of work to do, every morning I can be grateful that I am not disgusted with myself for having drank the night before. To not begin each day without that feeling makes me stronger to do the further work that is needed. I thank you for sharing, and encourage you, and everyone, to keep working to be free of the beast.

[A Work in Progress]

Why MWO?

rimwalkr, welcome!

Great thread.

MOW, I sure am glad you came back!

and... I miss wonderworld...