College Drinking - a Right of Passage?

[go2goal]

I am stunned with another parenting quandry as my college freshman has told me about being involved in some drinking - "Its part of college, Mom"

I do know that to be true. I also remember my days from 18-25, when drink was such a huge part of exisiting. I do not want to be ignorant, unrealistic, or prudish in my 'support' of my grown child because that will only put distance where now there is openess.

BUT...........how can I share my concern, my worry, my knowledge, my experience in a way that will be considered? I mean afterall, isn't drinking in college a 'right of passage' into adulthood? (how sick is that?) Do I let it go, stay in touch, be 'ok with it', so it will just pass? If I make it a big deal, will I make it stick?

Oh, my troubled heart.....and I am just about 40 days AF when this hits, so my thoughts of 'drink' have been all consuming of late making my perspective that much more 'enlightened'.

When I was 18, the legal age was 18, so I drank too early. But, I drank beer when I drank. My child is underage by 2 years and is 'starting' with vodka....! Does that matter? Who's pouring? Do they drink right up to the end of the night?

Help me Lord, how do I handle this one?

Go2Goal

[time2change]

College Drinking - a Right of Passage?

go2
funny you should post this. Was at a party last night with the parents of many of my sons freinds all of whom are freshman in college. All of them are away from home and just back from their first semestar. We were all discussing the amount of "partying" that is going on. we all decided that although none of us are happy with it since the boys are all away there is little we can do. That is a very scary thing, but we can talk to them while they are home and let them know how we feel and how concerned we are. One of the boys actually asked to transfer dorms because of the partying that was going on in his room. A responsible move. The boys were all on a competitive soccer team together all through high school and never had time to party. Now they are free at school and as scary as that is we have to trust them. Wish I could be of more help, but I feel your concern.

[FinallyRN]

College Drinking - a Right of Passage?

My son leaves for college next year.............the presense of alcohol is something that I think of often. We have had talks many times over the years and he knows how I feel about it. Its not so much of the fact that he will be partaking, its in the ways its done. Passing out, binge drinking, "girls gone wild" video comes to mind. I try and point out the ugliest part of drinking; vomiting, hangovers, actions that have consequences that you will regret. Not to say this is going to work but it makes me feel better. He has had to listen to my lecture every month for the last year. I usually start when we're alone at a restaurant and he just can't leave. We very close so I feel lucky that he tells me most of the stuff thats happening in his life.............I point out every screw up as it is told by.............."and I'm assuming alcohol was around?!" I hoping every time I do that it just re-inforces the danger of alcohol and makes him think......................I'll let you know next year if it works!

[Finding My Self]

College Drinking - a Right of Passage?

Go2 - hmmm. all to similar to my experience last evening..... I know. I just don't know! Thing is, maybe I am a prude....but even though I got into trouble with booze in the last year, I never could stand all the student, young-age drinking....I hated it. I always went home or didn't go out or went behind the bar to serve/wash-up where I felt safer! And seeing the shenanigans of all the youngsters in the nightclub last night - well, on the way in to there: 3 hours before they would leave.... oh boy. I am not much help I am afraid...except that on the whole they looked happy, were mostly kind and pleasant to me - and 'old' 50 year old looking for her coat! - and my daughter (18) goes there from time to time and isn't totally alone in only having more than 2 glasses, (and I know that to be true; she did the 'one-too-many-ciders-at-15-and threw-up-in-a-flowerbed' and hated it!) or nothing if driving. My son is only coming up 15 - we'll have to see...scary indeed. Soooooo much pressure to 'show-you're-not-a-lightweight'...and I so hope the pressure hasn't started yet. He doesn't go out at all but the time will come...

I guess all you can do is keep talking - keep lines of communication open and, like FinallyRN says, diplomatically point out just how almost every social 'c**k-up' can be traced back to alcohol. (And perhaps that other disaster, The Presumption!! Which, of course, we're not as quick to either spot or prevent when under the influence!)

Good luck to you - thinking of you and praying that a new thinking might happen in society soon...someone posted somewhere only yesterday (?sorry!) about how only 15 years ago smoking was considered 'cool' and is so not now.... I just hope the education around alcohol does the same; I fear banning it wont help. And that it takes less than 15 years! At least our grandchildren might be safe though!

Hugs FMS xx

[Loved1]

College Drinking - a Right of Passage?

Thank goodness my kiddos are not even in Kindergarten yet, but it is something to worry about because goodness knows I did my share and probably more so in college.....it is scary to think they will be faced with the same environment.

Good luck to all of you with college age kids!

[Hannah]

College Drinking - a Right of Passage?

Boy, the college drinking thing is so true. My son, who we raised pretty strictly, lived at home for the first year of college, which helped a lot because he had to drive home every night. For his last few months, tho, we had moved into the city - only blocks away from the dorms, actually. He did go a little wild and crazy then, and didn't seem to be much we could do about it. But - that phase has passed, he is settled down, and barely drinks at all. So I don't know how much we really have to worry about it's long term effects - I think even the kids that don't go to college all go through a phase of "testing the waters", and untilmately it will be their own charactor that surfaces in the end.

Really, there isn't a darn thing you can do about it, except try to set a good example yourselves. That is their untimate point of reference.

[nancy]

College Drinking - a Right of Passage?

Hi there

To me, it seems the best way to deal with this (this may sound controversial) is to take the magic out of drinking by allowing teens to have wine with meals at home. I realize you have an alcohol problem so that ain't gonna work! What about his father? Is it possible for your son to drink with his father moderately?

Because kids are not allowed to drink, they sneak it, it becomes the forbidden fruit. and then once set free they gorge themselves. They have never learned to drink responsibly.

If they are allowed to have a little with meals with adults they may not see it as a big deal, a rite of passage into adulthood.

I suppose it would not hurt to share some tricks about appearing to be drinking when you are not drinking. Like the things we discussed here, topping up one alcoholic drink with soda water, being the designated driver. He should make sure to eat a lot before drinking and have a lot of water. The truth is that he can enjoy the parties a lot more if he doesn't drink too much. He can remember the whole night etc. And a young man who doesn't have a drinking problem should be able to drink a fair amount over the course of a night without getting WASTED. So far from being some kind of prude, he could drink steadlily and be part of the gang without losing control. how manly is staying in control? what a turn-on!!! he should avoid the temptation of shots and drink pints of beer instead.

also having a good male role model who does not abuse alcohol would help him with all of this.

oh i have one more idea...

encourage his interests and talents. Over drinking in college is partly relatd to social insecurity. People socialize around the kegs. If your son has a special talent, nurture that and the relationships that develop around the talent won't be typicaly college booze-related things (that is, unless he is an athlete!).