IM SO MAD

[WA]

Im so mad and upset right now..my so called friends were coming over christmas and now say they are not coming WHY...because I make them feel uncomfortable not drinking....I dont fucking believe it I feel like going round and slapping them....and im not a violent person......I just keep shaking my head cause i cant believe it...now im crying and i dont know why...They know i have a drink problem and i really thought they would support me....really learning who my friends are now!GOD IM SO MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lowercas]

IM SO MAD

Youre so right

I realy found out who my friends are this year. The problem is that not many people understand our deseas. Hang in there, and the cream will rise to the top.

[MDBiker]

IM SO MAD

I have found some people cannot look at a non drinker suceeding without thinking about their own drinking pattern and addictions. When you stay AF a while and for some unknown reason still want to be friends, you probably can work something out as they will get used to then new you. I would have to really want them for friends to do that. I would probably let them know that their drinking was making me uncomfortable and I didn't want that happening at my house anymore anyway.

bear

[satori]

IM SO MAD

Hmm - sounds like your so-called friends may have a problem with drink themselves.
Why else would someone NOT drinking bother them.

No worries - you stick to your guns!

At the end of the day, you will be living a contented happy life, free from the shackles of alcohol addiction.

They will be doing the same old stuff.

Besides - who needs "real" friends when you have strange "virtual" ones here!

Look after yourself -

Love

satori

XXX

[Beaches]

IM SO MAD

It's amazing how unsupportive people can be at times. I would guess that this is a time to really determine if they are true friends or if they were drinking buddies. I know that true friends wouldn't leave you no matter what you choose.

Try and make the best of it and don't let them get you down.

Best wishes to you.

[Guest]

IM SO MAD

Hi jacqui,
Like the others have said, I also think many people encounter this type of problem when they quit drinking, as one of the crowd quitting seems to cause others in the crowd to question their own drinking and perhaps realise that it far exceeds the social drink they like to term it.

I would say to let the dust settle and see how everything works out in the long run. If they do stick around, it`ll be because they are true friends, but if they really can`t relate to the AF you, then the bottom line is (hard as it is to accept) that they were nothing more than drinking buddies. People do change when they quit drinking........before I quit, I thought heavy drinkers were a good laugh as company, but now that I`ve quit, i just can`t warm to that type of person any more........it`s like a mirror image.......a painful reminder of who I used to be. As time goes on, you will meet other non-drinkers with whom you will gel.

I hope your Christmas works out just fine and that you have a lovely time.

Much love,

Starlight Impress x

[slightlysuze]

IM SO MAD

+That's a tough one, Jacqui.....but I would just let it roll off you.....as others have said it probably reflects discomfort on their part about their own use of alchohol.

Honestly, I would try to find some compassion for them.......you have, inadvertently, touched a raw nerve. I think maybe I would have been p'd off like them in my 'drinking' past! Just lay it aside...if they are friends worth having and not just piss-mates they will be back

And I don't know what you mean about 'strange', Satori........:bonkers:


Suze x

[lucky 2.0]

IM SO MAD

Let it be like water off a duck's back. It is their issue, not yours!

[Determinatrix]

IM SO MAD

Yes, as the others state, this is one of the steps to embracing your new lifestyle.
It's not easy to see that things not are what you thought.
Some friends will come with you, most will not be brave enough.
You will come to accept their choices and learn to move forward without them.
Consider your hobbies and make other friends that have a different focus than drinking.

Those who matter don't mind; Those who mind don't matter.

Dx

[Reenie]

IM SO MAD

I agree with with everyone's insight on you "friend situation". I especially agree with MD Biker take on this: "I have found some people cannot look at a non drinker suceeding without thinking about their own drinking pattern and addictions. When you stay AF a while and for some unknown reason still want to be friends, you probably can work something out as they will get used to the new you. I would have to really want them for friends to do that. I would probably let them know that their drinking was making me uncomfortable and I didn't want that happening at my house anymore anyway".

[Cinders]

IM SO MAD

Jacqui,

This really SUCKS that it is happening at this time of year but please don't back out now. You have worked too hard to get where you are and you simply do not need friends like that.

I must say, I was concerned about the same thing, only it was my son, daughter and DIL I was worried about. No worries for me, even though all of them drink a lot (way more than I like for their own good), they still come over and spend as much time with me as possible. Geez, they really freaking love me!!

I say that not to crow but because your "friends" are not friends. Period. I hate to say that but it is the God's Truth. You need to find more.

Like I said, "It SUCKS that is is happening at Christmas" but you can do something so much more positive than those guys. You, your little one (milk for Santa, right?) and the rest of both of your lives. This is one Christmas of many to come.

Cast about for something special to do for yourself and your 4 year-old and say to hell with the rest. I am with MDBiker (the lovable and very sober Bear) and determine who your friends are that can "tolerate" being with you sober.

I, for one, am so grateful for my sobriety that I was even willing to lose the time and love of my own children (with whom I am extremely close) and I lucked out and didn't. However, Jacqui, I would have. I have no option. It is sobriety, health and happiness or drinking and much more horrible options I won't mention here.

Love and CHIN UP!!
Cindi

[lillyatter]

IM SO MAD

Jacqui...wow.Since when did Christmas become about drinking instead of being w/ loved ones?That is so sad.for them,I mean...YOU..Well you should be so proud of yourself!I know that it is hard enough to quit drinking LET ALONE with no support!Here's all I know:I have friends who drink socially,and i have many friends who drink way too much!(they may not realize it,but they do :O).My friends who do NOT have any alcohol issues have nothing but positive encouragemnet (such as "let's go to a movie,on a bike ride,etc!!!"They are more than happy to spend time w/ me doing things other than getting f-ed up.You know what i mean?The ones who drink too much,well i am lucky to have such great friends that they ate happy for me,but aren't quite as enthusiastic as the others-like someone here said,it's like i can see their minds working (hmm,if Rebecca needs to quit drinking,I drink at least as much as her, i wonder.....) Yes,it DOES make your loved ones ? their own habits.And,well,you can only worry about yourself for right now.MAybe down the road one or more of them end up coming to you asking "how did you do it?",maybe you help someone else because of your strength and courage.Just know that right now,while I agree your friends are acting VERY selfish,they may have just as bad a problem as you did,maybe worse!They are in the mindset you used to be and they can't help that just yet.So try not to take it too personally,remind yourself that hey may very well just be too envious of your self-resolve and strenghth right now to be around you and it makes them feel lesser.MAYBE,I don't know for sure,but the bottom line is that you are the ROCKSTAR for taking control and just remember:you could be sober and happy as you are or back i nhtat terrible depressing lifestyle getting wasted w/ your friends !If they don't come back around,you will make better and stronger friends that WILL siupport your new sober life...remember,most people AREN"T alcoholics!!!I am sorry if any of this sounds harsh or ramb-ly,but it is how i feel .you're doing great,Jacqui :goodjob: :h :wd: :exclaim:
love,Rebecca

[Loved1]

IM SO MAD

OH I am so sorry, that really stinks.
I think they just have their own insecurities, you are doing a good and healthy thing and it makes them feel akward, but I can hardly believe someone would actually come out and say that, sounds like they were not really friends in the first place.
You are definately taking the high road, please please please do not let them bring you down, can you imagine how many arguments, blowups would not happen at the holidays with all the friends and family if no one was drinking! It would be so much nicer I think.

[trixietrack]

IM SO MAD

I just wanted to ad a small comment/ question? was it supposed to be a non alcoholic party?
I think being AF or trying to moderate is not an easy thing. If your friends only go to parties where they can get drunk or be around drunks that is their deal.

I haven't told anyone but the people here at MWO that I have cut down on my drinking.

I have a lot of friends who drink heavily and sometimes get a little too drunk too often.
I still invite them over and they bring beer and whiskey and what not, but I don't join them, and I don't point my finger at them, and would never tell them that they have a problem.

If you are at the stage where you can't deal with drunks, maybe it would be a good idea to socialize with people who drink lightly. That is what I did the first few months when I was trying to take control of the beast.
If you like being AF your friends will recognize that, and will stay friends for friendship not booze.

[WA]

IM SO MAD

Hi trixie no it was not going to be a AF day they would have been drinking i had even brought the drink.I dont mind being round people drinking i can and do enjoy myself more then i did drinking,after reading these posts i really belief they have the problem not ME,anyway we are having a party tomorrow with my grandaughter and her friends so ive been busy getting ready for that.lots of ice cream, cakes, cookie making
Thanks to all who posted it will be 2 weeks AF for me tomorrow and today was the first time i really didnt think i would make it.
Love to all
Jacqui xxx