Its 87 days AF today, I know this because I keep a record to remind myself. Not a diary really, just a note to show what I?d lose if I had a drink, all the hard work. The memories of illness and the hospital stay and resulting 10 day horrible detox are fading and I do feel better, the people around me have a better life with them not spending their time with someone that?s either drunk or hungover.
But guys, this time of year is so difficult. I?ve avoided the office party. I?ve turned down the after work drinks. I haven?t gone out to celebrate. I haven?t done anything.
When I was drinking Xmas was a dream time, a time that I could get as pissed as I like, as often as I liked without people thinking anything about it. The ideal excuse that could be passed off as celebration not addiction and I used it most years; I used that excuse to the full extent.
But I?ve always found Xmas a difficult time. A time to reflect and get reticent around others. This one is my first Xmas sober since I was about 15. During my 87 days I missed a cold beer or a good glass of wine with dinner but I knew it wasn?t a problem, I could deal with these. But in the last few days I have been walking around the supermarket and seeing any alcohol (yep anything) and thinking ?that?d have the effect I want?. Walking through town and past what seemed like hundreds of pubs yesterday just wanting to go in and not remember coming out.
I guess this is my first test. I bought a bottle of sparkling wine for my girlfriend to have on Xmas morning (what we used to do on Xmas mornings) and just wanted to drink it all as soon as possible. I didn?t, and haven?t had a drop but is this so hard!
I know that I?m not really saying anything here, but it feels better to get it off my chest and thanks for listening. I hope that everyone does well this Xmas and has a great one and I hope that I do too.
As a final point (promise I?ll shut up soon!) thank you all for your help and encouragement during the last 87 days, you are truly a great group of people and whilst I may not post that often, I log onto the site every morning just after I update my diary, it helps like you can't believe. Thank you.
But guys, this time of year is so difficult. I?ve avoided the office party. I?ve turned down the after work drinks. I haven?t gone out to celebrate. I haven?t done anything.
When I was drinking Xmas was a dream time, a time that I could get as pissed as I like, as often as I liked without people thinking anything about it. The ideal excuse that could be passed off as celebration not addiction and I used it most years; I used that excuse to the full extent.
But I?ve always found Xmas a difficult time. A time to reflect and get reticent around others. This one is my first Xmas sober since I was about 15. During my 87 days I missed a cold beer or a good glass of wine with dinner but I knew it wasn?t a problem, I could deal with these. But in the last few days I have been walking around the supermarket and seeing any alcohol (yep anything) and thinking ?that?d have the effect I want?. Walking through town and past what seemed like hundreds of pubs yesterday just wanting to go in and not remember coming out.
I guess this is my first test. I bought a bottle of sparkling wine for my girlfriend to have on Xmas morning (what we used to do on Xmas mornings) and just wanted to drink it all as soon as possible. I didn?t, and haven?t had a drop but is this so hard!
I know that I?m not really saying anything here, but it feels better to get it off my chest and thanks for listening. I hope that everyone does well this Xmas and has a great one and I hope that I do too.
As a final point (promise I?ll shut up soon!) thank you all for your help and encouragement during the last 87 days, you are truly a great group of people and whilst I may not post that often, I log onto the site every morning just after I update my diary, it helps like you can't believe. Thank you.
But your 87 days is amazing ... be strong as hell, go back and read those old posts!!!
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