Day 1, again?

[Gumby]

Feeling more optimistic today, although yesterday was not the success I had hoped for. I had 2 beers in fear I would not sleep, retry for tonight AF. I was thinking things over yesterday and feel I need to give myself some credit, I have done well since coming to MWO. It has helped me to check in here and see how others are doing and knowing I am not alone. We all share very common thoughts. The big picture I get is we want to stop obsessing on drinking or not. It seems my mind it absorbed with the thought...to the point that it seems to be and obsession more than an addiction, then I think,which is the problem. To much thinking is the bottom line. I have 3 beautiful children who deserve my mental energies so much more than this stupid habit of mine. So with this said, I want to clear my mind of the obsession of to drink or not to drink. It is clear I am not a candidate to drink, period! This is the thought that scares me and keeps me coming back. It is the initial fear of not drinking that has me imprisoned, and it is a prison. A personal prison, I don't think anyone in my family knows what I am going thru, It all looks could thru the glass dome. It seems a perfect life for many from the outside. To be honest it is a perfect life from the outside, that is the affect I am going for, no problems here. I think that is called denial? Well Iam rambling and then some. I will ramble for a while as I think of this as my journal that I can share with those who have very similar feelings. Tonight AF, I can do this!! So can you! Thanks for listening T