It has to stop

[Lou]

Hi Guys and thanks for all your lovely welcomes on my thread on abs...its nice im not forgotten.
Im posting on here as i cant really post on abs as unfortunatley im not abs at the moment...yes my halo has slipped big time.
Iv had so much going on in my life i just couldnt deal with it sober..i know that sounds so pathetic and i feel pathetic saying it.
Anyways new year new start...i shall be joining you all on abs as of new years day if thats ok with you guys? I know you can help me...i did so well with all your support last time and then i made the stupid mistake of thinking i could go it alone...very very wrong!!
I have to turn my life around. I know i deserve much more than the way iv been treating myself lately and im so sick of feeling like crap...it has to stop.

Lou-Lou xxx

[KateH1]

It has to stop

Welcome back Lou.......I have not had the pleasure of meeting you before now, probably because I only came here at the end of August.

I know that I don't need to remind you that there is no need to go it alone, you have this wonderful MWO community! So here's a cup of tea, settle back in and let your friends arrive to say hello!

KateH
xxx

[InnerStrength]

It has to stop

Hey LOU LOU! Welcome back, sweety. You can do it - I know you can. Reach out and ask for help whenever you need it!
Hugs
Jen

[Suzanna]

It has to stop

Hi Lou! I remember the bouncy heart, although we probably did not meet. I am going af too, in January. So I'll be right there with you. Welcome back!

[lucky 2.0]

It has to stop

I know Lou! Welcome back Lou! I have wondered about you and am glad to see you.

2008 holds good things in store for you.

Peace.

[Lou]

It has to stop

Thanks for the welcomes and support. I felt really embarrased coming back here as iv let myself and others down so much.

But its good to be back and its reiforced my determination to be AF.
Im slightly worried as iv been off work for the holidays and so have been drinking most days, i didnt want to drink today but the withdrawals were so bad that i had to drink a little just to be capable of functioning.
I have to go to work tomorro and i know im going to feel like im dying...i havent eaten for days and im a mess. Im just so gutted that im back at this point, it makes me totaly despise myself.
If anything is going to spur me on it is feeling the way i do now....completely discusted with myself.

Im currently undergoing cognitive behavioral therapy for my bi polar and its bringing up things from my past that i didnt even know had happened to me...thus causing me to go back to my old coping mechanisms...alcohol and self harm.
But i know im better than that, people have destroyed me in the past and yet i continue the pattern by being hell bent on destroying myself.
Im glad im here and i know from past experience that ill get plenty of help and support here...which is what i really need right now.

sorry about the essay!!! just needed to get that off my chest.

Thanks for listening

Lou-Lou x x x