Cheating on my spouse when drinking.

[tiredinhollister]

I'm ashamed to say that on more than one ocasion i have let my guard down or whatever when ive been drinking and had relations with men other than my husband. it doesn't happen every time and i tell myself it won't ever happen again but i'm so ascared it will. has anyone else had this problem or know how to fix it. i really love my family and dont want to hurt them anymore.:new: :new: if anyone can help its ok to email me so its not all public on the boards

[Beaches]

Cheating on my spouse when drinking.

Hi Tired, glad you posted.

I have a couple friends that when I go out with and they drink too much they seem to hook up with men, other than their husbands. At first I couldn't understand this at all. Then as time went on I realized how unhappy they both are in their relationships with their husbands. One is going for a divorce now because of her behaviors and the other just pretends nothing happened.

I hope you find the answers and peace that you need. You also need to take a deeper look into your relationship and find out what's really going on. Why do you feel the need to venture out?

Best to you and again thanks for posting.

[Niblet]

Cheating on my spouse when drinking.

Hello Tired,
I can hear your pain and anguish... What is it that you aren't receiving from your spouse that you are seeking? Have you ever went to counselling ? It sounds to me that you are using alcohol as an excuse to say, " I was under the influence, so that is why this happened" I'm not bashing you in anyway because you truely need help. Maybe you should consider marriage counselling.. Do you love "you" ? Maybe you have a paster you can talk to? You cannot keep on this type of lifestyle for every reason in the book... What if you contracted some kind of disease? Or worse, give something to your innocent spouse ? Sorry if I'm not answering your questions, but you will have to start making some tough final decisions, today, before the sun sets on this very day. It could not only be detromental for you emotionally, but also physically for both you and your spouse. I wish you well... Be strong... Right now, you have a man that gave you his hand in marriage to love and cherish til death do you part... He is doing his part, now you do yours.

[WA]

Cheating on my spouse when drinking.

Hi I will admit to cheating on my husband while drinking,yes I love him and now AF i feel AL sleep with sombody eles not me...he knows and forgave me it will take a little longer for me to forgive me...I dont think there is anybody on this site who has not done somthing they are ashemed of...but the answer is to put it all behind you and look to the furture...i have had to look a lot of things ive done and just remember that is the past mwo is the furture
my love and thoughts are with you Jacqui xxxx

[Cinders]

Cheating on my spouse when drinking.

Darn,

I have never been with someone else but my husband. Ever. 32 years

However, I can relate to your post. I could've been.

Do not do it, regardless. It would make you think that every "encounter" was based on drinking, which it is not.

You get what I am saying? I have been married for a long time and would not "descerate" the marriage with a fling. However, I understand where you are and know what you are going through.

Love,
Cindi

[hart]

Cheating on my spouse when drinking.

I haven't cheated on my hubby while drinking, but I certainly have flirted a lot, and I flirt anyway. I too am not judging you and also suspect it's not the alcohol that's causing you to stray but some unhappiness in your marriage that you have chosen to not address but comes out in this behavior while drinking.

If you love your hubby and want the marriage to work, I urge you to seek counseling. And above all, don't beat yourself up for past behaviors, this will only lead to to feel the need to drink even more.

I know because that I have done.:l

[tiredinhollister]

Cheating on my spouse when drinking.

What youre all saying makes sense, but honestly i cant think of anything wrong in my marriage. the alcohol just seems to revv up my sex drive to where it's almost painful. it seems that more often then not i dont want or need sex unless ive been drinking and sometimes its not when im home with hubby

[Beaches]

Cheating on my spouse when drinking.

OK, just drink when you are home with hubbie and be designated driver when you are out. If he is wonderful please don't mess it up. Good men come around once in a blue moon and it seems you found one!

[Cinders]

Cheating on my spouse when drinking.

Tired,

What do you want us to say? It is okay to have the sex drive when you are drinking and not home with hubby?

I do not understand.

I DO UNDERSTAND not wanting to continue drinking. To continue drinlking means that you are ready to contiue a self-desructive behavior that wil KILL YOU!!. No, Joke. Not kidding.

It goes WAAAY behond worrying about spouses (whom I LOVE BEYOND ANYTHING IN THE WORLD) to AM I GOING TO DIE FROM THIS???

Not kidding.

Where are you??
Love,
Cindi

[tiredinhollister]

Cheating on my spouse when drinking.

db2fromala;246098 wrote: Tired,

What do you want us to say? It is okay to have the sex drive when you are drinking and not home with hubby?

I do not understand.

I DO UNDERSTAND not wanting to continue drinking. To continue drinlking means that you are ready to contiue a self-desructive behavior that wil KILL YOU!!. No, Joke. Not kidding.

It goes WAAAY behond worrying about spouses (whom I LOVE BEYOND ANYTHING IN THE WORLD) to AM I GOING TO DIE FROM THIS???

Not kidding.

Where are you??
Love,
Cindi

No i'm not asking you to say anything. Just asking if anyone has gone through this and how they delt with it. I'm in Hollister MO

[tiredinhollister]

Cheating on my spouse when drinking.

Beaches;246097 wrote: OK, just drink when you are home with hubbie and be designated driver when you are out. If he is wonderful please don't mess it up. Good men come around once in a blue moon and it seems you found one!

I know i have. he puts up with sooooo much from me.

[trixietrack]

Cheating on my spouse when drinking.

if alcohol revs up your sex drive to where it's almost painful, that can't be good.
if you don't have much of a sex drive or desire when sober, that does mean that there is something there regarding intimacy that you are blocking.
i would suggest to not put yourself in situations where there are lots of men and women drinking and up to anything sexual, that is quite dangerous and it actually is no fun when you take a good look at it.
please be safe

[lucky 2.0]

Cheating on my spouse when drinking.

Raises the issue of if monogamy is natural or not.

There were many societies throught history that had less restricted sexual access than our own. Those that allowed women more sexual freedom were often not based on patrilinial decent and had a more female dominated social hierarchy. In short, those societies in which it didn't matter who your father was typically have more sexual freedom for women. This was often because a woman's children were raised by her extended clan, or some other kind of group child rearing (the Etruscans were like this, I believe).

EDIT: Actually, I think it just means you need to not drink!

[Beaches]

Cheating on my spouse when drinking.

I agree Trixie

Alcohol does different things for different people at different times of their lives depending on what body changes you are going through.

When I was younger alcohol was what I used to get me in the mood. I would go out to bars and have a great time then regret the morning after. I feared intimacy and was always attracted to men who drank too much so I knew it would go nowhere. Now that I am older I am having to deal with intimacy issues. My parents were never very affectionate, never abusive but not a lot of hugs and kisses between them so I never got to see that.
When I got married I vowed to change that. I would be affectionate and love my husband and hold his hand in public etc....Well I realized that is not my type of personality. I show my children tons of affection in hopes to break that cycle and need to work on my relationship with my husband.
My daughter gets grossed out when we kiss goodbye for the day...what does that say???

Please think about what you will be losing if you continue on this path. He will find out and it's just a matter of time. Figure out what you need to do to keep the passion in your marriage.

Hugs

[bootcampbarbie]

Cheating on my spouse when drinking.

hey there my dear. i was just on the site catching up before my big nap..... you are such a brave girlie to talk about something so intimate.....i mean there are just so many people that are going to judge the hell out of sexual behavior.. and you just threw it right out there. i'm pretty sure there are a lot of people who DIDN'T RESPOND to your post that have or still do what you are describing. ummmm. and it brings to mind for me that there may not be anything wrong with your relationship at all. if one is a "sex addict" and i'm not saying you are.. but that does describe the behavior if it is random acts of sex with strangers, then you aren't dealing with one thing. alcohol just fuels it up and releases i'm guessing. what i can say about it for myself is that alcohol makes me have very bad judgement calls, so i split from hubby for a very narcisstic affair while separated. and i'm clear if i wasn't drinking i'd have never even given mr. 5 minutes the time of day. but there i was..... and i do remember in my 20s i would hook up with guys that i couldn't believe i did... yipes. not good so sexual behavior gets triggered with drinking but if there is that to begin with well then alcohol rarely comes in a neat package. there are usually multiple addictions all wrapped in one. i'm back with hubby now and am sobering my ass up or i won't have a hubby to worry about. and that means i take off clothes only for him. no more mr. persian 5 minutes and i think it's clear what 5 minutes stood for. and frankly even a good bottle of wine didn't overshadow that ill choice.
so, what did i say? i don't know. lmao. i said most people aren't going to admit to cheating on their spouses. most people will judge and assess you for it. and then the ones that count will just love you to pieces no matter what.... because there a billion humiliating things we all do while over the top on booze. and i said check to see if you have sexual addiction issues. read some good books, seek some individual help, and i said, i hear you and i did but unlike you i gave hubby up for awhile, to move in with someone that was more in love with himself and his mirror than me, had the worst sex of my life, low self esteem, trying to fill that void with him. and it was miserable. coming back to hubby, getting sober, and workiing on self esteem made me realize how great i have it in my home and i don't want to fuck that up.
so hopefully that was useful. love da boots