Well, I'm sure you all have been wondering where I've been...

[Shikakai]

it's time for counseling. No more being fearful of any future impact it may have. I'm calling the doctor first thing today.

I tried to jump off a bridge last night and the only thing that kept me from doing so is they have concrete blocks at the bottom and not water.

It's over for me. Told you all I wouldn't drink the other day... ya right! Called myself "moderating" the other day... ya right!

I'm just a silly drunk who somehow made it home last night and tried to break out people's windows because I was mad about the bridge!

[Last Of The Summer Wine]

Well, I'm sure you all have been wondering where I've been...

How awful for you, I am very shocked and sad to hear how bad things are for you. Please get help as soon as possible. I was feeling a wee bit sorry for myself this morning, but my problems pale into insignificance compared to your situation. Please, please get some help, people do care, Good luck.

[beatle]

Well, I'm sure you all have been wondering where I've been...

Yes, counseling. Maybe you need even more than that. But you must not think about "future impact". If you are worried about your insurance, your reputation, or anything, I suggest you go "private". It costs a lot, but think about it in terms of all you will save-- yourself is the most important thing.

[Cinders]

Well, I'm sure you all have been wondering where I've been...

Shikakai,

Been right where you are.

I truly recommend rehab. You know I loved it, actually, and even though I have had a few rough patches, it is nowhere near as close to losing it as I was before and I am able to jump right back on the recovery train.

Rehab gets you out of the world you are in. It separates you from all the things that allow you to drink.

It is rough but so worth it.

I just told my work I was going in for surgery.

Please, please consider it, Shikakai. There are many hotlines you can call to help you find one near you. There are many good ones.

We are drunks, you and I, and we get suicidal when we get drunk. You and I can beat this. We really can. Not only that but be happy again.

Take care and please listen to us. We all know the depths you are in and I know that divorcing yourself from your current world for a while is your best chance to make it.

Love,
Cindi

[bootcampbarbie]

Well, I'm sure you all have been wondering where I've been...

am sending up a big prayer for you. i think you know what to do. that would not be a mystery. if you are considering sincerely ending your life then run run.... for support from professionals. and rehab is a great solution as well. i am surrounding you with my arms... big hug

[betty boop]

Well, I'm sure you all have been wondering where I've been...

Big hugs from me too ....... go for it, get the help that you need ....

Love & Hugs, BB xx

[KateH1]

Well, I'm sure you all have been wondering where I've been...

Hi Shikakae,
I am happy to hear that you will be seeking medical advice. Let me give you some facts on depression. First of all, medical records are Private. According to the HIPPA Law, No One may gain access to the medical records of anyone else without written permission. This includes employers. The future impact of seeking any sort of medical attention, is that insurance adjusters will review medical records when applying for private medical insurance. The impact of this can be, higher insurance cost's for the individual. You are more likely to recieve higher insurance rates if you have high blood pressure or diabetes, than for seeking help for depression.

Stigama regarding Depression? According to The World Health Organization, 42% of all Americans will seek help in dealing with depression at some point in their lifetime. That is nearly half! Thank god we have left the dark ages, when it was thought that mental illness and depression were the work of the devil, not so. We now know that depression and mental illness are frequently organic in nature, as well as situational. Those that seek medical attention for these medical issues now have the opportunity to gain back full health and well being. Seeking medical attention for conditions such as depression is the intelligent and wise thing to do, there is no reason to continue to suffer any more than one should attempt to treat any other illness with only "positive thinking"!

Shikakai, I truly hope that you keep your resolve and deal with both of these issues, depression with suicidle thoughts and alcohol abuse. You can get better!

Best Wishes,
KateH

[vixta]

Well, I'm sure you all have been wondering where I've been...

hi everyone
Shikakai, I am new to this website, and I was really worried about you the other day, I'm really glad your ok, please don't hurt yourself anymore. Call the doc and go get help, could you please let us know what they say as I am concerned and keep looking on here to check you are ok.
I'm excited about getting tonight out of the way so that I can start my new life without alcohol tomorow. Happy New Year Everyone. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[KateH1]

Well, I'm sure you all have been wondering where I've been...

Vixta.........just a quick thought.....you speak of "getting tonight out of the way" in order to start your new life? Why not start today? Think of the Great Start for the New Year, you can have by deciding to begin sans regret and a hangover!!

What ever you decide, best wishes for a Happy, Healthy New Year!
KateH

[Niblet]

Well, I'm sure you all have been wondering where I've been...

Good for you realizing that you need help... I wish you all the very best. xxx

[Chief]

Well, I'm sure you all have been wondering where I've been...

You are a strong and brave woman to realise you need some outside help and come on here and post. I, too, have been worried about you since reading your previous posts.

Please get help today.

Unfortunately, I have some very disturbing experience with suicide in my family. Let me tell you that suicide is never the answer. You are not thinking straight. Your family will NEVER get over it if you take your own life. It really is a selfish thing to do.

There is nothing going on in your life that can't be remedied with the proper tools. Please don't put it off for another day. Talk with someone. There is nothing to be ashamed of. It's time to take care of the most important person you know.....you.

And don't drink. It will make things worse, not better. Please post and let us know when you have talked with your doctor.

don

[Shikakai]

Well, I'm sure you all have been wondering where I've been...

Thanks to you all... the doctor's office is closed today due to the holiday tomorrow. The answering service told me to call 911 if it was a medical emergency.

I will call them again first thing Wednesday.

I can't go to rehab. I can't afford it and I can't take time off anyway.

I called in sick so many times this past year it's a wonder I haven't been fired.

I know you're right about suicide. It would destroy my mother. I just can't believe I actually pulled over; got out of the car and ran to the railing, only to be faced with concrete blocks. I don't know if they put those blocks at the bottom to deter jumpers, but it sure in the heck deterred me. I'm thankful to the State of California and its wisdom.

Then I thought about driving to the Bay Bridge, but I knew the cops would grab me before I made it due to erratic driving, so I just came home and thrashed around.

I am not drinking anything today. I mean it! If I have to stay locked up in the apartment, so be it.

I don't know where the cops were last night, but I know where they will be TONIGHT! Out in DROVES!

I encourage those who are just like me who can't seem to get a grip on this thing to not go anywhere, or stay home and drink and don't leave the house if you have to drive!

Anyway, I'm so glad you guys haven't given up on me. I feel so worthless today. I lied to myself all last week pretending I was "getting better." Ha! Self-denial is the ultimate deception!

I'm going to pull myself together today. Tomorrow is New Year's. I feel good that I will see it.

Strange thing is I drive around drunk most of the time and the cops are still not on to me. I must be the luckiest drunk driving! I did get pulled over twice this year. Once for a tail light being out and the cop had no idea I had been drinking. Of course, he asked me; of course, I LIED! He gave me a "fix-it" ticket and since this ol' drunk on her merry way.

The second time I got stopped was for a seatbelt violation. I had a damn drink in the CAR and the cop didn't even QUESTION it. He clearly didn't question what was in the can, but those Club drinks all come in BRIGHT neon colors. He must not be familiar with the line.

Anyway, I "snuck" out of that with a ticket and went to traffic school to clear it.

This is so bad... I'm not even sick either. I don't know how many vodka martinis I had last night. I understand that you can't smell vodka. I can. Clearly, the cops can't! The horror of it!

Happy New Year and I will check in here throughout the day. Thanks again for all your well wishes. I extend the same to you.

[Cinders]

Well, I'm sure you all have been wondering where I've been...

Shikakai,

Yes, please keep checking in with us.

Take care, drink lots of water.

If you have the supplements in the house, take them.

Take care, :l
Cindi

[Shikakai]

Well, I'm sure you all have been wondering where I've been...

db2fromala;247608 wrote: Shikakai,

Yes, please keep checking in with us.

Take care, drink lots of water.

If you have the supplements in the house, take them.

Take care, :l
Cindi

Thanks, Cindi... I downed a couple of bottles of Calistoga during the night. I needed it!

I'm not on the supplements yet. I am going to take an Excedrin for this continuing hip pain which was getting better despite continuing to drink. But last night's over-the-top binger put an end to that healing process

[vixta]

Well, I'm sure you all have been wondering where I've been...

Shikakai,

I am 38 yrs old and finally got a drink driving conviction 2 yrs ago, it really destroyed me I lost my job and my licence. I live rurally so it affected me badly, I'll never do it again. It sounds like you live ina city so probly wouldn't affect you that much but you will have a criminal record!! Imagine how you would feel if you really hurt someone? I know you probly know all this stuff but I urge you to hide your keys when you start drinking then hopefully you'll forget where you have put them after a few vodkas. Hope this helps but I bet you already tried that one. I'm going out to mums party so nothing too heavy, but I've arranged a lift back quite early so that I don't get totally hammered and you know it's real hard for me not to drink as my husband does it at weekends. It's mainly weekends of late but it has been everyday even in the mornings over the years!! I get tired from battling with it! Why can't I ever just have one like normal people. I'll come and check out how you are later. Happy New Year. . .:h