How things change.

[Bella]

Hello to you all!

Well it was only 2 days ago when I wrote how my 'Stop button' was working ....How things change. I am so painfully aware that I still have and probably always will have a dangerous problem with alcohol. Yesterday we went out with family for a few drinks at the pub. It was fun. But when I got home I did not want to stop. So I hid a bottle of white wine in my wardrobe and kept dipping into it for the next 3 hours. I am very ashamed to admit this. Please don't tell me that I am irresponsible, I know already. I feel okay today as I went to bed at 9pm. I stopped then. But I hid the bottle from my husband and mother, and I know that this is wrong. I am not happy. I thought I was okay again but I'm still an alcoholic!

I had to write to you and tell you this. I do feel so alone with this awful disease. Do others feel alone sometimes?

I hope I can beat this. I think that I am okay if I just don't start drinking. Because once I start, something takes over in my head and I have to carry on. I must not have 1 drink. 1 drink leads to 100 for me!!!!

thanks for listening.

Bella xxx

[BabyGirl]

How things change.

Bella,

I hear you & have had similar tendencies. It does feel awful & the feeling of loneliness is just gut wrenching. I would love to say that there is a magic cure but I have learned like you that there isn't one... hope today is better for you. -- BG

[tylyr]

How things change.

Dear, dear Bella - I know exactly how you feel - it is a terrible problem. I've been good for over a week, and then one drink from a very dear relative starts it off again. We don't sound as if we are massive drinkers, its a bottle here and a bottle there. I'm going out tonight - expensive night out, and yet, I've finished off last night's wine already, just because I had the one drink from the relative. I don't know what the answer is. I really dont. I worry, because it's ok saying this is a great place for support etc.etc, but if you keep on falling, then what do you do?

[Cinders]

How things change.

Bella and Tylyr,

We keep getting up and trying again. If MWO isn't all the help you need, find some more. I love MWO but know it is not the complete answer to my alcoholism.

This is one tough chronic bastard to deal with.

Use everything you need to beat it.

Tylyr, there truly is at the end of the day only one option available if we choose not to quit drinking.

Bella, Hugs!! I know how difficult it is to face the reality that we are alcoholics. One drink truly is one too many. The trick now is to figure out how to NEVER TAKE THAT ONE DRINK EVER AGAIN. We can do that!! We must do that. :l

Love,
Cindi

[betty boop]

How things change.

Bella, Do your family make you feel bad about your drinking?? I used to hide it and felt so bad afterwards, the pact that I made with my family was that if I wanted to drink I would do it in public, I would say 'what the hell, I really fancy another drink!' but by saying that it bought in out in the open so I now don't seem to want it as much. Last week when Mr Boop had gone to bed I had some of his beer, I left the cans out for him to see and because I was honest about it there wasn't an issue, I didn't drink the next day as I may have done in the past to take away the quilty feeling. When I was hiding it the guilt was horrendous. This probably doesn't make any sense LOL but it works for me .....

BB xx

[Chief]

How things change.

Bella, I think this is a valuable lesson you have learned. I can't tell you how many times I quit drinking for a while only to convince myself that I now had it "under control" and decided I could have just 1 or 2 and be fine. Every time the result was the same.

There are a few, and I mean a few, people here who are able to successfully moderate their drinking, but for the majority of us, it is not possible. I think this idea of moderating is what gets us in trouble....we, the alcoholic, cling to the idea that we can be one of those rare people that can do it, so we keep trying. I relate it to playing the Lotto...the odds are 1 million to 1 of winning, but people insist on playing.

I succeeded in beating this thing when I finally said..." I'm not playing anymore. I'm done. I'm no longer going to keep getting into the ring with AL only to get beat down..."

You simply cannot drink. Not one. Once you really, truely accept and embrace this, it is no longer the terrible battle we are used to fighting. You become a non drinker. There are millions of people who don't drink...you just become one of them. It's not a negative thing, it's just the opposite, it's a wonderful, positive accomplishment. It's an act of love to yourself...sometimes I have actually said to myself.." Thank God I quit drinking..."

So, look at this last experience as a lesson. What you do with this information is the key.

Maybe you can just take a step back, look at the big picture, and say " I'm not playing anymore...I'm gonna take my ball and go home"..

Have a Happy New Year!

Don

[Niblet]

How things change.

Bella sweetheart, some people cannot and will never be able to successfully moderate... It almost sounds like you are one of these people... Please consider for the wellbeing of you sweet little baby being AF.... Use all the tools available and know that we are all behind you with this... Sending you positive vibes and lots of love xxx