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    #1

    Lost

    Am sitting here typing this and not sure of what I am doing. All I know is that I have been abusing myself for at least the last ten years. Am not sure how it happened but it did. nobody knew and they all thought I was fine - I hid it well. Now that I've let it out it feels even worse as before I was in control or so I thought but now it is as if the flood gates have opened and yes as I type this I am drinking a glass of wine (which is better than the usual vodka kick) after 4 AF days and I don't know why except i feel despair. It feels as if the world is about to fall down around me, I have resigned from my job and my wife has left me and my parents don't really understand and no one really knows what is happening. Have taken the decision to book into rehab in Feb but it seems a long way away and I'm not sure how I'll cope till then as I still have 3 weeks notice to work - do I keep drinking till I hit rehab or try and give up and go through withdrawal again. All to much to think about. I will try and be strong! This website is already giving me strength. Advice and support would be welcome.
    :new:
    Tags: None
    #2
    Lost

    ABP, you are going through so much. It takes so much strength and energy to put on the facade, doesn't it? Now that you have written this out, maybe it can be the first step in your therapy which you will be going through in February in rehab. Can you put down the wine? Are you under a doctor's care as far as the rehab appointment? Maybe they can prescribe something to help ease withdrawals. Take time to stay here and read because alot of folks here have been down, really down, and have come back, there are alot of success stories here. :welcome:
    The more we appreciate life, the more life appreciates and bestows us with more goodness.

    Comment

      #3
      Lost

      ABP,

      I cannot answer your question about whether to quit now or wait until rehab. It depends on whether you physically can quit now without danger.

      Otherwise, as stated before, go to the doctor and get on meds to help you with your withdrawal.

      I can offer that we will all be here for you no matter what you decide and I also want to heartily applaud your decision to go to rehab. It is a very good choice. It helped me a lot!!

      I also want to add, I am very sorry your life is in such a turmoil right now. I truly hope it gets better. You do know sobriety is going to make it a lot easier to get it turned around.

      Best of luck,
      Cindi
      AF April 9, 2016

      Comment

        #4
        Lost

        ABP - Congratulations!

        You have come to an enormous decision to better your life.
        We are glad you are here and want to get to know you so read and type away.

        Does your rehab program have any suggestions for getting thru the next few weeks until you able to enter their program? Sometimes they have daily meetings, at least, for some local support.

        Let us know how you are doing.
        Dx
        * * I love Determinator * *

        Comment

          #5
          Lost

          ABP, :welcome: to MWO ....

          Like the others have said, only you can make the desision whether or not to start now! Do whatever you feel strong enough to do but please make sure that you get the medical support that you need...

          BB xx
          sigpicXXX

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            #6
            Lost

            I just want you to know that we all care about you and your wellbeing. You are not alone in this battle... Keep posting and you will be met with compassion from all of us here. We care. xxx

            ~ I hear a whinny on the wind~

            Comment

              #7
              Lost

              ABP, maybe you could begin to taper down a bit, at least. Not many alcoholics have that much control once they take the first drink, but others have been able to slowly decrease the amount they drink, while still avoiding full blown withdrawal. Only you know whether this is viable. Wishing you the best of luck, please keep coming here.
              The furture lies before you like newly fallen snow - be careful how you tread it, for every step will show.

              Comment

                #8
                Lost

                ABP: I don't have much concrete advice for you, but I know the feeling of having fallen down a hole and being stuck down there.
                did you resign from your job because of going into rehab? could you keep the job, just take a short leave of absence? It would be good to have that stability when there's so much else going on .
                :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

                Comment

                  #9
                  Lost

                  ABP: me again .. how are you doing? your post really hit me, and I don't want the thread to get lost.
                  :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Lost

                    ABP....I hope your ok and im so sorry that things are so bad for you at the moment.
                    As others have said its difficult to advise on whether you should just stop drinking as everyone is different and it can be dangerous.
                    I tried it in the past and i ended up very ill....i was given Librium whilst in hospital which greatly reduced my symptoms of withdrawal. This time round iv been more fortunate as the withdrawals are not as severe.
                    Dont put yourself at risk.....maybe just try to moderate a little so that your body gets used to less alcohol.

                    I wish you the best of luck and well done on your descision to go in to rehab.

                    Lou-Lou x x x
                    "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around"...Penelope Cruz...Vanilla Sky

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Lost

                      ABP;249650 wrote: Am sitting here typing this and not sure of what I am doing. All I know is that I have been abusing myself for at least the last ten years. Am not sure how it happened but it did. nobody knew and they all thought I was fine - I hid it well. Now that I've let it out it feels even worse as before I was in control or so I thought but now it is as if the flood gates have opened and yes as I type this I am drinking a glass of wine (which is better than the usual vodka kick) after 4 AF days and I don't know why except i feel despair. It feels as if the world is about to fall down around me, I have resigned from my job and my wife has left me and my parents don't really understand and no one really knows what is happening. Have taken the decision to book into rehab in Feb but it seems a long way away and I'm not sure how I'll cope till then as I still have 3 weeks notice to work - do I keep drinking till I hit rehab or try and give up and go through withdrawal again. All to much to think about. I will try and be strong! This website is already giving me strength. Advice and support would be welcome.
                      :new:


                      ABP.......
                      How are you? Like Dex, your post tugs at my heart, and I worry for you.
                      It sounds like 2008 will be a world of change for you- some of it within your control, and some of it's not. And while rehab should be a good thing, it sound's like you're going to have a lot of idle time on your hands, if you have to wait for February.

                      I echo Lou-Lou on drinking- don't put yourself at risk. Reach out, and find support.

                      Under the "Need help ASAP" forum, there is a string called, My AF and Non AF part of my character, where Bessie and My Own Woman eloquently describe their internal daily struggles with alchohol. It's an honest expression of their fears and really hit home for me.

                      Can you surround yourself with positive energy for the next 30 days?? If we can help, PLEASE, reach out! And, as Winston Churchill once said, and as Rodney Atkins sang, "If you're going through hell, keep going!"
                      If your life is uncertain, and you are tempted to give into your fears and worries........ just keep going, ABP.

                      DON'T CAMP OUT IN HELL.
                      Don't give up.... get out before the devil even knows you're there!!!
                      God Bless.

                      Patty
                      Tampa, FL

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Lost

                        ABP....Please post and let us know how you are....your initial post really got to me and im worried about you as im sure everyone else is.

                        Your not alone

                        Lou-Lou x x x
                        "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around"...Penelope Cruz...Vanilla Sky

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Lost

                          Thanks

                          Not feeling the best - not sure if hangover or withdrawal or is it one in the same. Going to try and cut back to reduce the pain. Keep getting panic attacks but reading all your replies helps calm me down. I know I can get through this - my dad is being super supportive but mum is just confused. Need to take each day at a time - slow and steady. I'll let you all know how I'm going.:thanks:

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Lost

                            :welcome: ABP. You nead to try moderating, & cutting back on the booze as much as possible before rehab. AF going in is good if at all possible, this way your not waisting your time & money detoxing, when you could be learning how to put your life back on track upon arrival. (every day counts in rehab) detox days take away valuable information. There's a lot to be learn't in rehab. There a great place to be, to get some tools to beat alcohol. The full MWO program Book,C.D's,Suppliments would definately help you & your cravings, to get you through till Feb.
                            Best of luck in your journey.

                            K.F.
                            There's more to life than success. The greatest success is living well.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Lost

                              :welcome: ABP Sorry to hear about your struggles..keep reading and posting here during your journey. I am still new in my stuggles too but doing much better,hang in there and you will find lots of love and support here. I can only suggest that you taper down on the drinking if you have no meds...be careful and take care of yourself. :h

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