Day 5/6 blues
Yes the sleeping is better- although I do still wake at various times of the night - my body is used to it I guess and just can't change that soon. I am looking forward to my first full nights sleep. This morning I woke with a bad headache - obviously not caused by wine. Usually when I wake with a headache caused by wine I go straight for the paracetomol - but this morning I didn't - I decided to have breakfast and I just realised that it went away and I forgot all about it. I have changed my mood because I am feeling better than earlier today - it's amazing how your mood can change so much in one day. Since day 2 (Day 1 was a write off due to massive hangover) I have been proud, disgusted, bored, anxious, happy, depressed, hopeful - I have laughed and cried. My Mum rang the other night at 9.30pm and I could actually talk to her and remember what I said - I usually avoid night phone calls for fear "They will Know".
Phone calls - well when I used to drink earlier in life I used to make numerous phone calls to people so I felt socialable. Eventually, the thoughts in the morning of - "What did I say? How drunk was I and what must they have thought? I did rabbit on, how annoying for them." Made me stop making phone calls and start watching movies and TV shows - I guess the characters became my friends and I could retreat into their world whilst enjoying my wine. I especially liked reality TV shows like Big Brother as I felt that I was with people all the time. My daughter asked the other day when it was back on and I said I didn't know and probably wouldn't watch it this year - she was surprised. I need to get rid of these things as they were part of my other life and may just be triggers.
I especially hated the memory loss and inability to think clearly. I would be talking to someone and all of a sudden my mind would go blank - this I hated - I am not an idiot but was doing a pretty good impression of one. I was giving myself early onset of Alzheimers.
The other thing I hated was when teachers would ask about the kids bedtime and reading habits at home - well I didn't know their bedtime as it was always after mine - and reading, that was a nighttime activity so I had no idea on that either. My kids have been let run free because I was too wasted to keep control - they are 8 & 11 so I still have time to change this and give them the discipline and structure they need for adulthood. My biggest concern is whether one or both will inherit the gene for alcohol addiction - it runs in my family - I would rather drink for the rest of my life than my kids having this problem and hurting themselves with drink driving or other related problems. It would really break my heart - I know it's not my fault but my kids are my heart.
Yes the sleeping is better- although I do still wake at various times of the night - my body is used to it I guess and just can't change that soon. I am looking forward to my first full nights sleep. This morning I woke with a bad headache - obviously not caused by wine. Usually when I wake with a headache caused by wine I go straight for the paracetomol - but this morning I didn't - I decided to have breakfast and I just realised that it went away and I forgot all about it. I have changed my mood because I am feeling better than earlier today - it's amazing how your mood can change so much in one day. Since day 2 (Day 1 was a write off due to massive hangover) I have been proud, disgusted, bored, anxious, happy, depressed, hopeful - I have laughed and cried. My Mum rang the other night at 9.30pm and I could actually talk to her and remember what I said - I usually avoid night phone calls for fear "They will Know".
Phone calls - well when I used to drink earlier in life I used to make numerous phone calls to people so I felt socialable. Eventually, the thoughts in the morning of - "What did I say? How drunk was I and what must they have thought? I did rabbit on, how annoying for them." Made me stop making phone calls and start watching movies and TV shows - I guess the characters became my friends and I could retreat into their world whilst enjoying my wine. I especially liked reality TV shows like Big Brother as I felt that I was with people all the time. My daughter asked the other day when it was back on and I said I didn't know and probably wouldn't watch it this year - she was surprised. I need to get rid of these things as they were part of my other life and may just be triggers.
I especially hated the memory loss and inability to think clearly. I would be talking to someone and all of a sudden my mind would go blank - this I hated - I am not an idiot but was doing a pretty good impression of one. I was giving myself early onset of Alzheimers.
The other thing I hated was when teachers would ask about the kids bedtime and reading habits at home - well I didn't know their bedtime as it was always after mine - and reading, that was a nighttime activity so I had no idea on that either. My kids have been let run free because I was too wasted to keep control - they are 8 & 11 so I still have time to change this and give them the discipline and structure they need for adulthood. My biggest concern is whether one or both will inherit the gene for alcohol addiction - it runs in my family - I would rather drink for the rest of my life than my kids having this problem and hurting themselves with drink driving or other related problems. It would really break my heart - I know it's not my fault but my kids are my heart.
:goodjob:
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