DAMMIT DAMMIT...

[Sh3LLz]

Day one shot....

:-( Its like im programmed... visit my family BRIEFLY just to see what mom made for dinner...

Theres a Heineken Keg in the fridge... i ignore it... but ive seen it... i know its there....im eating.. im fine... but then i get nervous and shaky.. i get antsy... Its right there...

Without thought id pour a pint. Then another... i need to go home.. but i swing by the LQ (in the opposite direction) and get a bottle of zinfandel... Second glass already. Im going to try and make it my last....

THe idea of spending the money (which i didnt really have) and then dumping it all out pisses me off....

But i really didnt want to drink tonight.. Dont be disappointed guys.. Im sorry.. and im sorry to myself..

[Victory]

DAMMIT DAMMIT...

One day at a time for most of us

Don?t beat up on yourself, just try again like I do, or we all do, or have done, or will do until we can look Al in the eye and laugh victoriously or manically which ever you prefer. One day at a time for most of us until victory.
:h

[Sh3LLz]

DAMMIT DAMMIT...

im definitely maniacal... grrr... about an 8th of the bottle left.. :-(

damn... DAMN!

[Sh3LLz]

DAMMIT DAMMIT...

WHY WHY WHY is it like this??? why isnt there a cut off?? when we overeat we stop cause were full.. when we over work we say im outta here..

i mean i know there are over eaters and over workers and over doing naything is NO GOOD FOR YOU...

but why this???

why US? why me?

[Cinders]

DAMMIT DAMMIT...

Grrrrrr on that damn bottle!!

Do not let it get to you.

If you do, though, figure out how to get through a few nights AF. Just a few.

then you can get through a few days, weeks, months, a freaking life time, af.

Hang in there.

We will be with you.

Love,
Cindi

[KateH1]

DAMMIT DAMMIT...

Sh3LLz;253254 wrote: WHY WHY WHY is it like this??? why isnt there a cut off?? when we overeat we stop cause were full.. when we over work we say im outta here..

i mean i know there are over eaters and over workers and over doing naything is NO GOOD FOR YOU...

but why this???

why US? why me?

I say, why not us, why not you, why not me???? The fact is, that the AMA has said that more than one drink per day for a woman or 2 drinks per day for a man is harmful to our health. Increases all sorts of disease, including cancer and cardio vascular disease. And of course we all know the ramifications of getting Blotto and Blacking out and hangovers.

We have a choice here, yes a choice. No, it is not easy, at least not in the beginning, but we can change this. I encourage you to read the post's by long term abstainer's, people like Satorie, Chief and many others. They would never choose to go back to the drink! It is not "The Damn Bottle", it is how our bodies and our minds handle the bottle. It is up to us to change this.

I encourage you to give MWO a try. Get the book and read it. Start on the Kudzu and L-glut and the supps. Go AF and one day at a time do 30 days AF. Keep a journal every day and............at the end of the 30 days AF, read your journal and decide what you want to do from there!

Good Luck!
KateH

[Thankful]

DAMMIT DAMMIT...

Sh3LLz - I don't know what your drink of choice normally is, but seeing how you mentioned beer and wine today, I'll assume those are your main choices. I found MWO 15 days ago, and have been AF since. Not one slip. I live with my family who drinks every day so I understand when you visit yours and the alcohol is around - it must drive you crazy. My choice of drink 95% of the time is beer. I used to tell people ..."I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a beeraholic". Because it really was just beer that I craved. Example, if I was out of beer, I never felt the need to drink whatever else was around. I might have been misable to be around, but didn't drink just anything for a buzz.

My point to all of this is ...do you think you can start by drinking a non-alcohol beer or non-alcohol wine? I feel much luckier than alot of people here because I do have those choices open to me vs people battling their choice of liq. I'm not saying it's been easy giving up the alcohol, because it has not been. But I think it is easier to at least have the flavor. I do not have the book or cd's (although I have read amazing things about them). By the time I ordered the Kudzu, it arrived on day 10. I took it once, but feel like I don't need it now. Who knows, I may slip tomorrow or next week, but the NA beer is in the fridge at all times. I'm scarred to let myself run out of it, at least for a while.

Anyway, it's just a suggestion. Good luck. We're rooting for you!

[Prest4time]

DAMMIT DAMMIT...

Sh3LLZ,

Your post was so honest and we can all identify with you completely. You are torn between the physical desires and the "knowing" what is the right thing in your mind. I think you will find this battle is fought more in the mind than in the physical when it gets down to it. The physical withdrawals will be over soon, and many do not experience them at all, but in fact feel fantastic on day one. But its that "argument" that is going on between your heart and your flesh that you have to learn to master to ultimately slay the beast. Because when we stop drinking, we have to face the root issues of why we want to drink. It hurts. Stick around... it will get better and there are so many here who have found freedom and we all share our struggles and victories.

P4T

[KateH1]

DAMMIT DAMMIT...

Thankful! Way to go!! Great job! Keep it going!
KateH

[Shikakai]

DAMMIT DAMMIT...

You're in good company... I can be at home watching TV and if a commercial comes on showing people drinking... or, watching a TV show and if someone on the show is drinking...

If there is alcohol in the dwelling (maybe I'm visiting my mom's place or a friend's) and I see it... WHATEVER!

Sad... it's almost like others can't enjoy their alchi just because I OVERJOYED mine!

[Shikakai]

DAMMIT DAMMIT...

Prest4time;253325 wrote: Sh3LLZ,

Your post was so honest and we can all identify with you completely. You are torn between the physical desires and the "knowing" what is the right thing in your mind. I think you will find this battle is fought more in the mind than in the physical when it gets down to it. The physical withdrawals will be over soon, and many do not experience them at all, but in fact feel fantastic on day one. But its that "argument" that is going on between your heart and your flesh that you have to learn to master to ultimately slay the beast. Because when we stop drinking, we have to face the root issues of why we want to drink. It hurts. Stick around... it will get better and there are so many here who have found freedom and we all share our struggles and victories.

P4T

Yes, I'm convinced it's more psychological than anything... it's our MINDS that crave it, not our bodies... I've figured that out...

That's why I posted about "what are cravings" in the supplement forum

[Finding My Self]

DAMMIT DAMMIT...

Sh3LLz;253234 wrote:

Theres a Heineken Keg in the fridge... i ignore it... but ive seen it... i know its there....im eating.. im fine... but then i get nervous and shaky.. i get antsy... Its right there...

Have a really hard look at the "I get nervous and shaky. I get antsy..." Sh3llz? It may seem to be because you wanted that beer and thought things.....look at the 'things'.....hard. And there'll be things setting off behind/before that 'nervous and shaky'....dig them out. What couldn't you deal with without the beer? What got you nervous and shaky in the first place? What were you eating? Had your blood sugar dropped too far before you started?

I know 'nervous and shaky' sooooh well. Had it since childhood....was the reason I drank. It's ok....you don't disappear if you stick with nervous and shaky....you'll get there. I'm really thinking of you.

FMS xx

[Sh3LLz]

DAMMIT DAMMIT...

THANKS EVERYONE!!!

ITs the next morning and im feeling sluggish bloated and tired as hell.. im gonna start again and keep trying... im glad i found MWO... i never was able to express this toture to anyone and not have them be judgmental...

I wont give up.. i just feel like shit today :-(

[jane jane]

DAMMIT DAMMIT...

Shellz, hold onto that "dammit dammit" feeling and remember it the next time. A big motivator for me is avoiding those self-loathings! Shika---one of your posts reminded me of what Caroline Knapp wrote in her excellent book, *Drinking: A Love Story*---that she passionately wished Prohibition was still around, because "if I can't drink, nobody else should be able to, either." So true! Hard not to resent to normal folk, isn't it?

[Shikakai]

DAMMIT DAMMIT...

jane jane;253467 wrote: Shellz, hold onto that "dammit dammit" feeling and remember it the next time. A big motivator for me is avoiding those self-loathings! Shika---one of your posts reminded me of what Caroline Knapp wrote in her excellent book, *Drinking: A Love Story*---that she passionately wished Prohibition was still around, because "if I can't drink, nobody else should be able to, either." So true! Hard not to resent to normal folk, isn't it?

LOL! Very hard... naw, I don't want to see others "penalized" just because I can't control my "licca"... today is a new day and I'm feeling pretty good.

Still saddened over the abrupt job loss, but it was my fault so hey... I'm going to really take this time and try and find another way to stave stress since alcohol is no longer "my friend", not that it ever was but 20 years of thinking it was... well, you know.

Glad you're feeling better "dammit dammit"... yes, tiredness, some depression, but cheer up. Maybe today will be your first day of sobriety.

I screwed up late last night and snuck and bought a bottle of champagne. No biggy, though. At least it wasn't you know WHAT!

Off to exercise, but will check in later. I have to take the car for an estimate. Somebody tried to break into it, I think.

One more thing, Shell, the people who you are afraid would judge you are some of the biggest drunks themselves. The last thing they want to hear is the truth, although you would be talking about you, but they feel under siege just having their own fears verbalized.

I'm glad you made it here. Check in often and do what you can. I don't know how long you've been drinking, but some here have been drinking for decades, and I know if I have my work cut out for me just over 20 years of abuse, imagine what "lifers" have had to go through.

Who knew alchi was so deadly and life-threatening if allowed to control every facet of your life.

See you!