Why are so many of us afraid of forever AF?

[meditation mama]

Why are so many of us afraid of forever AF?

Sartoi, Jane Jane, I agree with you both... Jane, Jane, I also must not just look at it day by day, just today. I am very methodical, by nature. I must visualize myself in situations, then I am calm and collected when the occassions arise. I mean how many ways can someone ask you for a drink? That whole "I was caught of guard", in most cases is bullshit, at least it was in my case it was. I can call bullshit on myself, right? But, Satori, we do have to be present. We have to be aware that we are around alcohol. We have to be aware that we do not drink and it is dangerous territory for us, especially in the beginning.

Good thread...

MM

[jane jane]

Why are so many of us afraid of forever AF?

I just wish they'd go ahead and cut the damned cake first thing at weddings! I don't even much like sweets, but a quick mouthful of buttercream icing would make the very thought of wine/champagne gross to me---the two tastes just don't mix. Instead, they proffer platters of cheesy nibbles, towers of boiled shrimp, etc., and ohhhh how nice a cool dry white is with those! My plan: Put a tiny handful of dried cherries and semi-sweet choc chips in my little beaded evening bag, to cram in my mouth before the champagne comes around! Hey, whatever it takes...right?

Next weekend we have a business trip to New Orleans...how cruel is THAT for a poor little AF girl, huh? Oh, Satori, pray for me now and at the hour of my death...

[Thankful]

Why are so many of us afraid of forever AF?

Angel girl - Sorry about your old haunts of emotions, but they never actually go away when we drink. They are just suppressed. That's why they flood our thoughts when we stop drinking. It's simply time to face our realities - good or bad. The longer you stay sober (and by the way I LOVE the word "freedom"), the easier those haunts will be to deal with. If you don't already, why not try to keep a journal? It's a great tool to use to deal with our pasts, present and future. It's so thereputic to write things down. If re-reading the journal is depressing - then burn it once you get it all out of your system. Burning the old haunts is also very thereputic. It's like writing a nasty letter to someone that you really want to tell off, but you never actually mail it. It just helps to get it written down, you know?

I hope I can help in anyway.

Love, Me

[Thankful]

Why are so many of us afraid of forever AF?

Slightlysuze - First of all, do not be sorry for getting serious on a so called positive thread. I threw the question at everyone - What are we so afraid of?. And you simply answered it. That's what I was hoping for in starting this thread. Let's get a discussion out there about what we truly are afraid of and let's help each other with those issues. Let's face it. It's not the AL we are afraid of. It's what causes us to abuse ourselves with it that scares us.

So sorry that you worry so much about a new tragedy that may or may not even happen. That's got to be scary to think about. But try to look at it this way if you can:

A tragedy = 1 problem to deal with.
A tragedy + alcohol = 2 (or more) problems to deal with.

Just easier to tackle the 1 problem, don't cha think? Good luck. We are here for you.

Love, Me

[Thankful]

Why are so many of us afraid of forever AF?

Lukalee33 - Sorry you miss hanging out with your friends. Are you in touch with them at all (phone, etc.)? You should be able to rely on them for comfort and support, but I know so many of us do not like to share our dirty little secret. Perhaps when you are ready, you could go out with them again, but offer to be the designated driver. That way you not only made the commitment to yourself, but also to them. Then you wouldn't have to make an excuse as to why you weren't drinking, although I believe honesty if the best policy. But I certainly would not try this until you are truly ready. I just thought if you had supportive friends, it would be easier to rely on them with your troubles.

Take care and good luck!!

Love, Me

[trixietrack]

Why are so many of us afraid of forever AF?

slightlysuze;253399 wrote: Excellent thread!

I know what I'm afraid of in 'forever'.........feeling that I will never be able to dull the pain of some event or situation, never be able to 'get away' for a few hours from something I find intolerable.......

I often feel I am walking on a knife edge.....just praying that nothing awful happens that I won't know how to cope with. I'm thinking especially of the death of anyone I love...or diagnosis of serious illness. When I helped my neighbour have her dog put to sleep on Tuesday she got the brandy bottle out afterwards for us. I didn't drink any.....but it was a close thing

Sorry to have gone rather serious on this positive thread!

Does anyone else feel like I do??

Suze x

alcohol wasn't invented to solve our anxiety or stress problems.
I know this sounds rude, but that is how most people end up in a bad place with booze.

[trixietrack]

Why are so many of us afraid of forever AF?

slightlysuze;253417 wrote: You're so right, Satori!

I think it's basically an animal reflex to try to avoid pain.....and humans have learned to alter their perception with various mind-altering chemicals....like alcohol.

If I am honest...I would have to say that I remember having a drink after my father's funeral....just one.....and it just helped me to relax after a very traumatic time. Ok...I know it didn't last...but at the time it helped. The problem is that the 'helpful' element is rare and needs to be very well controlled.

Did you ever read those ideas (can't remember who's they were) about the lager lout culture? Someone has the view that human tribes traditionally use some mind-altering substances, but within the rules of the elders of the tribe so that the outcome can be good not destructive. And what has gone wrong in our culture is that we no longer has the system of respect for the elders and following the boundaries of how we use things (not just mind-altering things, but pollution etc)

I see alcohol as intrinsically neutral. In the same way that I see anaesthetics as neutral. It depends on how and why they are used. I'm not making a case for drinking here....I'm just exploring my own thoughts. For me it isn't the alcohol that is the problem...how I have learned to deal with life is/was the problem!

I feel I am being slightly heretical here....so will shut up!


Suze x

I agree with this .

[Thankful]

Why are so many of us afraid of forever AF?

Jane Jane - I hear you!! I have to plan out up coming events as well. It's like a boxer who is about to engage in the fight of his life. That boxer first has to work very hard and condition himself for the blows he's about to receive.

Satori's words are so inspirational and so true on many levels, because in the moment (when that ref is counting to ten) is what actually counts in the end. When you are at the wedding or anywhere else for that matter, and you feel that you are on the ropes, just come out fighting!! You can do it.

Love, Me

[Thankful]

Why are so many of us afraid of forever AF?

Rags, Prest4time, Finding My Self, Meditation mama, More 2 life, free bird - thank you for your sweet words. Glad you liked the thread. Hell, I might print it to as a constint reminder.

Good luck to all of you. I'm pulling for us!!

Love, Me

[Thankful]

Why are so many of us afraid of forever AF?

Satori - Thank you for so many great comments and posts. And I don't just mean here. You seem to always be so wise. I secretly nicknamed you Yoda about a week ago! Guess it's not a secret anymore. Hope you don't mind because I mean it as a compliment.

You seem like such a caring person. I know you have helped so many here. Good job. I look forward to reading more of your words of wisdom.

Love, Me

[slightlysuze]

Why are so many of us afraid of forever AF?

Thankful....I love those equations!

I suppose I am thinking really of my elderly and unwell mum and my elderly dogs.....none of them are immortal! And a friend who is dying of cancer......I get sort of caught up in the futility of it all. Satori asked earlier why would I not want to experience all of life (he phrased it better!).....I've been thinking about that. Well, if I had broken my leg I'd rather not experience the surgery to mend it - I'd rather have an anaesthetic please! I am all for the alleviation of physical pain. It's more tricky when it's spiritual/emotional/psychological pain.....and that's harder to deal with.

Actually, I think I am mostly just stuck in the January blues....our weather here is atrocious...dark, rainy and cold. I am rather over stressed with work....you know how things can just pile up. I am the official Grizzly Bear at The Inn at the moment - so just ignore me :H

I'm going to be ok soon......it will, like all things, pass. And I am still sober!

Love


Suze x

[lukalee]

Why are so many of us afraid of forever AF?

Thankful, I do talk to my friends, and they are supportive. The problem for me was when I started drinking alone at home-something I never did. I have only tried to quit drinking one other time. I have never tried to moderate; I don't know if I can. It is not something that I would try to attempt now. This is why I have to go ODAT, because I only know how I feel now. One thing I do know is that I can never drink at my house ever again.

[Winefree]

Why are so many of us afraid of forever AF?

Thankful, just reading this today, after you advised someone else to read this thread.

You took those "forever" words right out of my mouth from months ago! My husband told me I needed to quit since I was an alcoholic. I told him not only did I not believe I was an alcoholic, that I didn't think I had a problem and that I didn't think I was in denial. Afterall, I always told my physicians how much I drink for yrs.
Then I would go on to say that I could not imagine not having another drink forever. It would be like taking my adulthood away.

Slightlysuze, I'm right there with how AL is used to ease the pain, the stress, the hard to handle situations that occur in life. For me it has just dulled the pain over the yrs. But yes, the problem is still there in the morning.

I've enjoyed this thread. Makes me think I need to do some serious reflection in order to move forward.

Winefree(day 2, again)

[cmhguy3]

Why are so many of us afraid of forever AF?

Since forever seems like such a mighty long time...i have been telling myself that I will be allowed to have a drink in 100 years! Thats not as final as forever!

[satori]

Why are so many of us afraid of forever AF?

Suze - I am all for the dealing with physical pain too - there is no point in suffering that!

I am ONLY talking about spiritual / emotional / psychological pain.

Well - not even psychological TBH - if one is depressed - one could take anti-depressants!

By all means deal practically with any pain you can!
In fact I posted exactly that to someone else very recently. I am in no way suggesting we "sit" with physical pain as some kind of character building exercise!

Buddhist training is mostly about dealing with the mental aspects of "attachment" "craving" and the inevitable "suffering" to which attachment leads.


Thankful - Yoda eh? WOW! What a compliment - Yoda is SOOO much better looking than me!



Love

satori

xxx