running out of motivation!

[SK8RGRL]

I am having a bit of a "down" day today, the type where you feel "is there any point", is it worth it", "why am I bothering?" sorry, I don't want to bring anyone else down with me its just like I have a big empty "void" inside and nothing I do today can shift it. I don't think I did myself any favours as I was reading passages from Augusten Burroughs book "dry" this morning...before I even got up, and read this from the end of the book...


re:-
"Anyone else counting days?" Jim raises his hand reluctantly. "My name is Jim and I'm an alcoholic. Today is day 90." everyone claps and Jims sponsor winks at him. I nudge him with my elbow and grin. After the meeting, Jim and I walk along West Fourth. "Fuck. I really want a drink. I mean, I'm not gonna drink, but I really want one. Does this ever go away? he asks.
"Well I'm no expert. But no. Probably not."
"That's the bad news," I tell him. "you can never replace it. The good news is you do learn to live without it. You miss it. You want it. You hang out with a bunch of other crazy people who feel the same way and you live with it. And eventually, you start to sound like a cloying self help book like me."....
....... "so what do you do?" Jim asks, hungry for an answer, as this has probably described perfectly the way he feels at this moment..
"you're supposed to go to a meeting. I mean, as much as you hate them or if they feel stupid or yu just don't want to go. The thing is, if you go to a meeting, you won't drink that day. Its like a mini brainwash. It kind of fixes you for a little while."
[end]


Anyway I appologise again for my low mood, it's just part of me is ecstatic for acheiving 10 days without a drink (never achieved before) and then the other part of me is mega depressed because I feel so crap as this is "it" now... never getting pissed again, no more drifting off to LA LA land. I WILL keep on tho, stick with the AA regime (it's not really for me, but I "have" found one or two more "like minded" people to associate with, and like Augusten Burroughs said.. whilst I am in a meeting I am not drinking.

So come on all you guys that are way ahead of me... keep spurring me on because I damn well need you! X

[Thankful]

running out of motivation!

SK8RGRL - sorry your so down today. Hell that book would depress me too. It sounds like we are damned if we do, damned if we don't. But don't believe it for one second.

Do you go to regular AA meetings? Not judging at all because I've never been, but I know I have no desire to. Are you "required" to read this book for some reason? Just curious to know.

But seriously - feeling down? Are you kidding? You made 10 amazing days!! I'm so proud of you. That is awesome!! Pick yourself up and go do something great today. Buy yourself a cute outfit or treat yourself to a movie (may I suggest a comedy ).

You are doing great, hun. Yeah it has it's ups and downs. But I promise if you stick with it, you will have more ups. Been 18 days AF and never in a million years would I think I could get here. Couldn't do it without you great people. We can do this together.

Love, Me
:l

[betty boop]

running out of motivation!

HI, I've known you for quite a while now and have NEVER seen you do 10 days ....

I for one are very very proud of you ........

You can do this ........

[Cinders]

running out of motivation!

sk8trgrl,

Believe it or not, it does get better. So many here who have gone long periods mention it.

That "void" is what we tried to fill with alcohol. Find something much better to fill it up with. It may take a while for you to figure out what you want to do. Until then, start thinking about things you would really like to do that do not involve alcohol.

Like you, I try to get to AA because in some weird way it helps but I don't like the "stepping" thing, really. I do like a good group, though, who discuss honestly and openly about how they handled their challenges on the AF journey. That part of AA is very helpful.

Hugs to you. You have made double digits. That sad fact is, if you blow it now, you will be even more depressed than you are now. Been there done that. Ugly.

Take care,
Cindi

[SK8RGRL]

running out of motivation!

Thanx, needed that. I just have a whole mish mash of emotions going on. 10 days is a great acheivement for me, but I feel on such "dodgy" ground. TF... the book is not a requirement, it's just I read - anything- I can, to try and associate with anyone who has gone through the same thing and stayed "dry". I am just really struggling with this it's not getting easier for me and I thought it would. I don't want to give in... I really don't.

[Thankful]

running out of motivation!

Me again :hallo: As an after thought regarding you feeling down about this being "it". Not getting pissed again, etc. I just thought you might like to read a thread I started on 1/11 in General Discussion titled "Why are so many of us afraid of "forever" AF?". Please don't feel obligated to read it if you don't want to. I'm no poet or counsler. Just me ranting one evening. :blush: It just helped a few people who actually said they were going to print it as a reminder to stay positive.

[Reenie]

running out of motivation!

SK8: I know going AF is hard, and is does stink knowing that you can't drink normally, and it does stink that you can't go into La, La Land. I know, because myself and others on this board feel the same way. For now, it is important for you to take one day at a time, and if meetings keep you out of trouble, for the time being, continue to go to them. You see, life won't get any better for you if you continue drinking alcohol. Life only gets worse. Anything can happen if you continue with this bad habit. The possibility of getting in an accident, killing someone, going to jail, losing your job and family, becoming disabled, etc... Is all there. When you first go AF, you feel a void. You feel like you are missing out on fun, you feel a multitude of emotions, you miss what you think is your closest friend. However, as time goes on, and if you truly believe life gets better, and cope with the hurdles life throws at you the best you can, life really does get better. You see things more clearly, your anxiety lessens, you feel a sense of pride, you wake up rejuvinaeted, and eventually learn to have fun and enjoy life without the buzz. Ten days AF is such a great accomplishment. You are over the 4/5 day hump that is always the most difficult. Visualize a better life for yourself, have hope and truly, truly believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Don't let a liquid take away from the person you are. Drinking gets old. Know one likes to be around a drunk. Drunks chat too much, get nasty, smell, say and do stupid things, become negligent. They really aren't fun to be around. Hanging with bright eyed, optimistic people is where it is at. Please understand, this post is for you as it is for me. I need to get my feelings out too. I have 6 1/2 months under my belt. By typing my reply to you, I'm reminding myself why I won't drink today. xxoo-Reenie

[jane jane]

running out of motivation!

Hello Sk8---do read Thankful's thread, it's a keeper. I'm only ahead of you by 2 days (today's #12, hurray!) and honestly, every day that passes makes me less reluctant to utter that dread "NEVER AGAIN" word. I know this may sound just too Pollyanna and corny for words, but for these first 2 weeks of '08 I have felt almost exalted, euphoric, and on a huge high of sorts---as if I had died and been brought, mercifully, back to life. I don't know what clicked at last---but something did, and my prayer to just quit caring about wine, obsessing about getting enough and more, planning my entire existence around it---was somehow answered. It's a non-issue right now. Drinking is so not an option. I can hardly believe it. I WANT THAT FOR YOU! You're sooooo close right now---gut it out! Trust those much more experienced here who tell you it gets easier.

[Onefortheroad]

running out of motivation!

Hi Sk8grl, please hang in there. To reach day 10 is such a fantastic achievement and is something to be incredibly proud of. Let's do it together X

[YoungAtHeart]

running out of motivation!

It can be really hard at first, Sk8ergrl, but if you keep going on AF now, you can save yourself from having to start over and over like I had to. Please don't think any farther ahead than today. It is just too much to deal with. Just promise yourself not to drink today. Your perspective may change dramatically in another week or two. Please just hang in there.

For those of you who haven't read DRY, those really are uplifting lines. You have to read the whole book to understand. Another good read is DRINKING: A LOVE AFFAIR, by Caroline Knapp.

Having passed 7 months AF recently, I can say that my life is the same, but so vastly different inside that it's hard to describe. What worked for me initially was just trudging along one day at a time and trusting that the future would be better, even if it didn't feel that way at first. My hopes were realized.

My best wishes are with you.

Hugs,:l
Kathy

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

running out of motivation!

Reenie;254574 wrote: Don't let a liquid take away from the person you are.

Thanks, Reenie! This is going into my affirmation book.

If I died tomorrow and my husband went through my nightstand, he'd find my anonymous journal, and he'd think that I was infatuated with a teacher or something.... it's like I'm back in third grade, and I got caught chewing gum in class, and there I am during recess, writing on the chalkboard, twenty times:
"I will not chew gum in class. " Except tomorrow, it'll be,
"I will not let a liquid take away from the person that I can be!"...........

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

running out of motivation!

The only thing more depressing than the passage you quoted was the state Augusten was in before he went into rehab, maybe focus on that. Remember him coming home to his filthy apartment with empty liquor bottles and fruit flies everywhere? Now that's depressing.

You are doing great and you have a lot to be proud of, so keep your chin up my dear : )

10 days, You deserve a trophy!!! :award:

[dronypoint]

running out of motivation!

Keep on keeping on

You have made great progress, far more than you ever have done before.
You know that you are entering uncharted territory, and you may be scared. It has been a difficult week or two, and do you really want to do it all again?


:goodjob:

[BELIEVE]

running out of motivation!

Hi sk8girl. I'm still a noob here so I dont' know you or your situation but I thought I would share that I had those exact same "This is it" feelings before. But each AF day brings motivation and even inspiration for the next ( for me anyway). Besides, who knows what you missed out on when yuo're just hanging out getting shitted? COuld be theres a lot out there to be discovered which means this isn't actually "It". I figure some pretty cool stuff could be just around the bend if we can stay the course. Anyway good luck to you!

[satori]

running out of motivation!

Sk8 and Believe,

Believe ME - there IS a whole new world out there!

I spent twenty plus years getting rat-arsed every night and letting life pass me by.
I spent most of that time in a kind of "fog".

Now I am AF - I am having more fun than I EVER did while drinking - I feel I am really living!

Make your mind up that you are going to try to do something new every day, and really BE there while doing it.
It doesn't have to be skydiving - it might be simply going to a place that you can sit and read with a good cup of coffee.

But if you are actually mentally "there" - aware of the smell of the coffee, the warmth of the cup, the smell of the book, feeling the warmth of the sun thru' the window (or seeing the raindrops run down the jacket of the person that just came in ) "real" life is awesome!

Alcohol induced haze is NOT "fun"!
It is only our addiction that wants us to believe that.


Love

Satori

xxx