Hi

[Bella]

I seem to be posting more often at the moment. I obviously need to. I stopped drinking last night. I had to get off the computer and force myself to bed. It was the only way. I read your replies this morning BB, Mags, Chief and others, so thanks and I'm sorry for not accknowledging them last nite. If i had stayed on line, I would have drunk more and i wanted to feel good this morning. However, I woke up again with this immense fear and panic about not being able to cope. Its an irrational feeling. I really hate it and it makes me feel so horribly alone. I am due to have a 6 week post-natal check with my GP and i think i have to mention this to him. I don't want this to get worse and he said to not leave things to get as bad as they got last time. I just feel like my mental state of mind is fragile. That is the best word i can think of to describe myself. Sleep depravation is not helping. I am up in the night with the baby and then i find it hard to get back to sleep, so i lie awake and try to calm down. The drinking is happening now as it tends to make my mind release and not worry so much. But then, it is obviously sooo much worse the next day! I need to stop annalysing things so much. Anyway, thanks for listening. Bella xx

[Guest]

Hi

Hi Bella,
Am sorry you`ve been having a tough time. I think your post natal check up is the ideal time to discuss how you`re feeling with the doc. Having a baby is an overwhelming experience. Feeling as you do and being deprived of sleep isn`t good for you or Ewan. Lay it on the line with the doc and get yourself some well deserved help, sweetheart. :l

Thinking of you,
Much love,

Starlight Impress x

[betty boop]

Hi

Thanks for checking in Bella, you had us worried .........

Just look after yourself .........

BB xx

[Suzanna]

Hi

Hi Bella, I don't think we've ever chatted. I remember when I had my baby (way back when!! Omig) and it was a whirwind afterward, emotions all over the place, hormones wacky trying to get back to some level, it's a wonderful time but a time of intense feelings. Add to that the sleep deprivation? It's alot to handle. Don't worry about sleep, you'll catch up later, sleep deprivation never killed anybody. Drinking won't help you get better sleep, we all know that. If you're nursing you don't want to be drinking. And this time will go quickly, accept help from everyone there and here. :h Congratulations on your new baby boy!!

[Bella]

Hi

Hi and thanks for the sound advice. I'm bottle feeding so at least the baby isnt drinking too!!! Sleep deprivation never killed anybody..that is helpful to me actually..as I am almost panicking about that too! I jiust need to sleep and i will be okay. I also think my hormones are not at an even level. One moment i am coping and the next I am doubting my abilities with the baby and think i am doing everything wrong! Its so irrational and i have to believe in myself and this will pass. thanks again. X

[Mags]

Hi

Bella

I am so glad to hear that you stopped and all is well. I'm sorry if I was nagging you yesterday. Please talk to your doctor. Maybe if can give you something to help you. Take good care of Mommy as well as Ewan.

[Suzanna]

Hi

Bella, it was amazing to me that the hospital would let me go home with my baby, without a license or even a permit to mommy! I and my room mate begged a nurse to show us how to give our babies a bath. You can read alot of books but nothing really prepares you for the reality of it, but thinking back all I remember was setting him on my legs propped up so he faced me, and his little smiles. :h

[Chief]

Hi

Hi Bella, I'm glad you posted...

I'm no expert but I feel you are overwhelmed with the responsibility of motherhood. The feelings you are having are normal. Don't be ashamed or afraid of what you are going through. My good friend, Star, is right on the money. You need to speak with your doctor about this. Be totally honest with him...tell him everything. You may be suffering from post-partum depression. He should be able to help, and if he doesn't, see another doctor. You deserve to be happy, to be thoroughly enjoying this time in you life, and you're not. So it's time to be proactive and find out why instead of trying to mask the feelings with alcohol and hope that it gets better.

You owe it to yourself and your precious baby boy. He is totally dependent on you and deserves to have a healthy, happy mother to nurture and love him.

So call your doctor, Bella.....tomorrow. Why wait? Time to turn this thing around...

Keep posting.......little Ewan has lots of Aunts and Uncles here who expect frequent updates on his life...

"Uncle Don"

[Winefree]

Hi

Bella,
Listen to Uncle Don, he is so right. It could be post parturm depression and your doctor can help you with that!
How is your precious Ewan?

My best ,
Aunt Winefree

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Hi

Bella,
I have four babies (my youngest is 10), and as I read your post, I can smell that baby-smell... I remember when my son would cry when he was hungry, and when I'd finally get the bottle ready, he'd gulp on that bottle but continue to hum (is that the right word?) as if he had to finish complaining before finally settling down. I remember when he'd cry with gas bubbles, and I'd hold him close to my heart, with his little feet tucked under, as I softly sang the ABCs and rubbed his back... until finally the gas would "release" :H !....

Such lovely memories~ how I wish it was yesterday! :heart:

Like Suzanna said, it's overwhelming to be a new mom~ there's no manual, and as for me, I thought that when the baby came, I would just KNOW what to do~ ??? Well, there is no right way or wrong way~ there's the Bella and Ewan way! As long as you two stick together, you'll figure it out. And as crazy as this my sound, try to enjoy it. Tomorrow comes much too soon. :l