Upping my game........

[Guest]

Am brimful of confidence now.......not in the least arrogant, just confident that I have upped my game in order to safeguard my sobriety.

EVENTS PRECEDING MY SWELL IN DETERMINATION:-
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a) 2/3 wks. leading up to Christmas........I felt rebellious at the very thought that I could never moderate after my 5 AF mths.......who the Hell was to say I couldn`t mod???........anyway, managed to talk myself out of having a drink at Christmas........by the skin of my teeth!!!

b) Continued to feel a sense of rebellion. Was sad on New Year`s Eve, so decided "F*** it" and popped a btl/wine.........probably only managed to stop there as I had only brought the one btl home.

c) 7th Jan.........I thought "I`ve had shocking news today.......I`ll get a btl wine.......where`s the harm???!!!". Same again.........managed to stop at one btl as that was all there was in house.

d)8th Jan.........allowed the bad news from the previous day to cause me to sink yet another btl/wine.

e)Tuesday of this week.........went to wake and after "virtuously" declining the first drink.........I proceeded to accept each and every drink thereafter until I shamefully blacked out.


LIFE-LONG LESSON I HAVE LEARNED:-
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The above is a complete and utter shambles, but a shambles I very much needed to experience to cause me to re-examine my goal.

I have learned:-

a) I no longer like to feel my senses slipping away from me as I cross over from being completely sober to being slightly inebriated, to stupified drunk.

b)The fact that I blacked out on Tuesday, like so many times in my past, literally terrifies me.

c) I no longer consider it even remotely acceptable to lose a day or two out of my life due to having a raging hangover.

THE DAWNING:-
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I have been AF for 5 days again.

I have no cravings whatsoever.

I have vowed to myself to now remain AF for life, which is guaranteed, PROVIDED I NEVER AGAIN HAVE THAT FIRST DRINK.

This has been something of a tumultuous experience for me, but I`ve rode through it and come out the other end all the stronger. There is nothing as wonderful as being sober..........I love it.

Starlight Impress x

[bald headed old guy]

Upping my game........

You are incredible! Thank you so much for sharing your information with all of us! You have positively impacted a lot of people on here in the past, I'm told, I know you have just had a very positive impact on me!
THANKS
BHOG

[YoungAtHeart]

Upping my game........

Sounds like a plan, Starlight! I really do think that there is a reason to our slips--we can really learn something from them if we want to pay atttention.

WAY TO GO, GIRL!!

All the best,:l
Kathy

[onthegrand]

Upping my game........

Very inspiring Starlight and so very true!!! Like you, I can't stop after that first drink and am totally kidding myself thinking that I can!! It is fantastic that you are back onto the road of success!!!

[Fresh Hope]

Upping my game........

Wow Star...thanks for that! very inspirational, you sound like you really mean it and that you really get it... I wish you all the best....and thanks for helping all of us by sharing.
FH

[Determinatrix]

Upping my game........

Thank you for sharing your soul search.
You sound focused.

Dx

[dexterhead]

Upping my game........

starlight: thanks so much for sharing your struggle and your wisdom. You have been through so much (lately, don't know earlier story) and faced it head-on and you are able to be gut-wrenchingly honest ... you are an inspiration to me and Im sure many others.

[meditation mama]

Upping my game........

That's our girl!!!! I knew you were in there... GO GET 'EM!

You are a absolute waterfall of inspiration, Star. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. It is so important to know that we HAVE to stay on target if we want to stay AF forever.

Namaste,

MM

[Mags]

Upping my game........

My star is back. Gutsy and sober as ever.

You go girl!!

[cmhguy3]

Upping my game........

Thank You Star for giving me another dose of courage. I to realize that I can not have that one drink and once I have grasped that, I think it is easier to move forward. I have stopped telling my self that "down the road, I can moderate".

Thank you for opening up your heart to us,

God Bless.

[amashed]

Upping my game........

Star,

I managed 3 months AF before Xmas and succumbed over Xmas and the New Year. I honestly thought I had cracked it on NYE when I had 4 small bottles of beer and nothing else (even though I could have). ?Get me!? I thought, ?I can moderate!?.

Hmm?.then 2 weeks ago we had some bad news and I spent the weekend drinking and even thought it was a good idea to have a beer to sort myself out the morning after (a very bad sign for me). I?m OK now and not back to the bad days but it was a timely reminder that I can?t deal with this and I have got to be so careful not to slide back. By that I mean I need to be soo cautious all the time.

Its just something I need to be aware of, monitor, and do it for the rest of my life. I opened a bottle of wine on Saturday night for a film and for relaxing and spent the whole film watching my glass rather than the film. I had 2 glasses and the bottle is ? full and in the kitchen. But its like watching a toddler! We?re get there, its just not easy.

Amashed.

[HopefulNow]

Upping my game........

Star,

You are an inspiration. Truly.

Thank you for your strength. And thank you for sharing that strength.

-HopefulNow

[sweetpea]

Upping my game........

Go for it Star you have done it before and you can do it again. I am on day 1 AF so will be following your inspirational lead Thanks

:l Sweetpea

[betty boop]

Upping my game........

Star what an inspirational, honest thread .......

Thankyou for sharing it, and well done .........

[Rocky]

Upping my game........

Realization is powerful!!! Channel it to realize your goal every day!!!