Feeling guilty

[pepper]

I'm hoping to get some encouragement (or a kick in the pants). I did 30 days AF in November and then began trying to moderate. It was going pretty well until Saturday night when I went on a binge. Yesterday the entire day was of course ruined, I was throwing up and miserable, feeling terribly guilty and loathing myself. I'm not sure if this means I am one of those people who cannot moderate or maybe I just did not give myself enough AF time before trying. I am dealing with multiple stresses in my life to boot, namely my lousy ex trying everything he can to break me, using our kids as pawns. I know I can't give up but I'm just so tired of fighting. He does not know I'm struggling with the alcohol demon, but I'm sure if he did he would use that to his advantage as well. He is an even heavier drinker than me. I guess I am rambling...just really wanting to reach out to someone this morning who understands. I feel once again at the end of my rope!
Pepper

[paula]

Feeling guilty

Pepper, I can only speak for myself, but if I tried to moderate it would be impossible
because I know that I am an alcoholic, and the only cure is abstinence, maybe I could
mod for a short time but eventually I would be back to square one. 30 days is great
so you have proved that you can do it. I do understand how you feel, but only you can
do anything about it.
Thinking of you. Paula. x

[Lotus]

Feeling guilty

Pepper

Ok so you did not have a good day on Saturday, but that is one negative episode out of how many successful ones? Don't beat yourself up for it. Some people can mod and other's can't. But you seem to have been doing well moderating, so do not let this one blip bring you down. You need to believe in yourself and be positive....maybe you could do another stretch of abstinance.

[charlee]

Feeling guilty

Pepper
Only you know if you can moderate...I think we all wish we could, but for some of us, myself included it is not an option. How did you feel after your 30 day AF stint? You have 30 days under your belt, so you have been successful...maybe you do want to think about another AF stretch and see how you feel about moderation then....Your working on it...feel positive about that!

[Justin Time]

Feeling guilty

Pepper,

Lotus has a good point. Don't beat yourself up. Be glad you recognize you don't like the results of binging and FEEL GOOD that you are learning to self-correct! Probably was a time when you would have gotten drunk to cure the hang-over- right? Sounds to me like you are doing great on your path. Namaste.

[pepper]

Feeling guilty

Thank you all for your replies. Yes, I am planning on another AF stint. Justin, you are right in the past I would have resorted to hair of the dog in the morning and would have been primed for the next evening. I will try to keep that in mind that this is a learning process and I've learned that this is not how I want to live my life. Again thank you all!

[Ripple]

Feeling guilty

Pepper Dear I am sorry for you, but its not the end of the world. You know now moderation does NOT work for you... and when there are stressors it makes life so much more difficult. Being completely away from alcohol will afford you peace, so start again, stick to it, and you will see the rewards. Take care, you can do it.


Ripple~:l

[iowegian]

Feeling guilty

I've known for years that moderation that doesn't work for me, and I don't even try. Once I flip the F#%$ it switch, I don't buy a six-pack, or a bottle of wine(wouldn't any way can't stand wine), I buy a MINIMUM of a fifth of hard stuff usually voddy, sometimes cheap scotch, and go straight for the big blow out. Oh yeah, and a six pack for chasers. I've said it on here before, I don't know why I'm not dead yet, except that in between binges I run, work out, eat right, hydrate, drink herbal teas for cleansing. do vitamins, etc. But I'm not important right now, you are! Can YOU moderate??? You did 30 friggin' days AF, I haven't done that in a year and a half, and I respect your strength. You CAN do it again!! Don't let yourself fall into my pattern, dude. I believe there's scientific research that proves that binging and drying out is actually more damaging to body and brain than sustained drinking, though I can't cite sources. If total AF is what you need then do it, but at least try another 30 days to see how you feel ok? Don't beat yourself up - please note tag line!
Peace out,
Morgan

[cmhguy3]

Feeling guilty

Pepper, Remember that you did 30 days! That is a huge accomplishment!! Now that it is Monday and the hangover is gone I hope you feel much better, please dont beat yourself up. Dust yourself off and focus on another 30 days. You have already proved that you can do this and you give me courage because you have done it. Don't take that away from yourself.

Peace

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Feeling guilty

Hi Pepper,
The beating is over, and you are back on the right side of sobriety.

Think of your kids if that helps. They need you as a role model, and when everything is rolling downhill and landing on your lap (bills, job, ex-husband), the ones you'll find at the bottom of the hill, ready to give you that hug~you know the one filled with unconditional love~ your kids. :h