need parenting advice badly!!!!

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

need parenting advice badly!!!!

Gumby- thank you for sharing. I see a lot of parallels between my two daughters and yours (now 20 and 17).... the 20 year old earned scholarships for college, the 17 year old is hoping to graduate. It really helped my 17 year old when, at 15 yrs old, she left for the summer to play trumpet in a marching competition~ for once, she wasn't Laurie's little sister anymore~ simply herself. It did wonders for her self confidence. It also helped her after her sister left for college, and she became the "big sister" for her two brothers.

And Lakota, even though Gumby had to adjust the living situation for her daughter, did she give up? NO~ she approached it for what was best for her little girl, and not what was the easiest solution. :h Gumby, that was probably one of the hardest decisions you had to make, and while you will always keep pondering, I think you did what was best for your daughter. :heart:

[MyOwnWoman]

need parenting advice badly!!!!

I love what everyone has responded with here. I tooo have a challenging daughter. She is 10 now, and has always been challenging. I know she is my teacher, as she demands me to be strong.
I have a book - damn can't remember the name of it!! that is wonderful for mother's and daughters. The basis is that for many, girls are going through a change in life (entering puberty at the same time that their mothers are getting into perimenopause. Will all the changes going on for both it can be hell. Ini this book, though, the author suggests that mom and daughter can learn from each other as they both go through major life changes. I doon't know how old you are - but I know this fits with me and my girl.
When I remember the name of the book I'll let you know. Til then I must say I agree that hormones may be at play here. Make sure she is getting all the nutrition she needs - in particular, amino acids and omega-3 oils. Very important for mental and emotional stability.
hugs to you - I know well how hard and heartbreaking it is....

[Ask For Help]

need parenting advice badly!!!!

Hi Lakota, and all other posters to this thread: I find the ideas on this thread very helpful.

I have a 13 year old daughter who it seems "flipped a switch" this summer (coincided with starting her period) and all things Mom are now to be rejected. Since its just she and I at home that meant a real disruption for me, fights, suppers alone, not speaking all evening. I finally had to "Ask for Help' (hard for me to do) so I see a counselor who provides good adivce: A few things have helped.
I have developed a bigger tolerance for rudeness and cruel remarks. I know she doesn't speak this way to other people so rather than "engaging" in "you can't speak to me like that" etc. I just ignore it and remove myself. This has resulted in the behavior diminishing.In fact, we have most dinners together now, and although I can't initiate conversations, if I'm in the next room reading while she does her homework, she will sometimes talk about her homework.

If she breaks a rule that I've set, I do remove privileges. Since her excuse is always "I forgot" I have at times posted rules near the computer, in her room etc. But I do think they are so wrapped up in their own worlds that they do not track what we say. The written reminders do seem to help.

I have written her notes and letters when I want her to know how I feel about a topic, or what I wish for her. She reads them, we don't discuss, but I found it's a way of staying connected that she finds tolerable.

I let her father know of the really bad upsets, and since she is more open to him, I know he makes suggestions to her. I'm not privy to his advice, but lately she's been thanking me when I drive her someplace :-)

Lastly, I do try to compliment her on something each day.

I miss knowing what's going on inside her head, but I am trying to focus more on having a bit more of my own life, which is probably best for both of us.
Look forward to seeing others' posts w/ ideas.

Ginny