Just wondered if..

[LisaL]

anyone has a husband or wife that wants them to stop drinking but brings it home for them each evening and what your take on that would be?

L

[Cinders]

Just wondered if..

I think that is called enabling.

Not a professional, though, just a lay drunk.

Cindi

[greeneyes]

Just wondered if..

the need to continue co-dependency? Can you say no? Will you say no? You must or set some rules. My hubby is not much of a drinker but he brings beer to the house for himslef. Then looks at me and says what happened to the beer? Well, duh! I told you not to have it here. I'm new here too Lisa. It's a path we are all on and I'm glad to tag along.

[WA]

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I would say they want a drinking partner but doesnt like it when that drinking partner gets drunk....Cake and eat it spring to mind
Jacqui xxx

[gabby]

Just wondered if..

Hi Cindi sweets! Was just thinkin about ya.....and YES, Lisa I agree with her, tha'd be enabling.

Not a professional opinion just a recovered drunk.

Funny thing tho....I had a EX husband like that. He would do that a lot! He'd complain about my drinkin but boy boy.....sure keep em rollin for me. I drank more often then him - yet I would say he was more abusive with alcohol. Would get much more drunk. And get more abuseive while drinking alcohol. (But I guess thats anther thing.)

Now we are divorced, I got away from him and now I dont drink at all. Him.....diff story. Still in bars and gettin pretty smashed.
So what does that tell ya?

[LisaL]

Just wondered if..

hmm problem is mine doesnt drink or not very often, once every 6 months maybe so he doesnt get it for himself. We are in a sort of tricky situation as where we live you have to have a special licence to drink and as "head of the house" (yeah right) in this country he is the only one who can get it, although bribes always work all over the world I could go out to hotels daily but that would mean getting up and since I have just lost my job through having a huge hangover that lasted 2 weeks (topping up) I am almost housebound so is he doing me a favour or not.

Lx

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Just wondered if..

Hey Lisa- I know that you are new to this site, but is this your first attempt at drinking less/becoming sober? If the normal routine is that your husband brings home the alcohol... do you want that to stop? Have you asked your husband to not bring it home? You are lucky that he doesn't drink very often.

If you haven't asked him yet, I urge you to call him today and ask. Can you tell him the truth- that you want to stop drinking "for a while"? Can you tell him that your liver needs a break, so you are only planning on drinking only on the weekends?
Or, do you want to sugar-coat it: perhaps that you are on a "new diet"?
ANY way is great, because the end result is less alcohol in your home.

For me, I still haven't told many people that I've stopped drinking~ and it's been 2 months. The only people that know are 4 co-workers, 2 daughters, one sister, my husband (and a partridge in a pear tree..) Not my parents, or my other 6 brothers/sisters. None of my neighbors or girl friends. WHY AM I HIDING? Fear of failing? Embarrassment? Shame? Fear that I won't fit in anymore? Yikes. I have to go find the thread about being sick and tired of making excuses, because that's all I'm doing.

[hart]

Just wondered if..

Lisa my hubby drinks as much as me. When we went AF 34 days, we did it together and it was grand. Since then, I haven't been able to string more than 3 days AF. Joe HAS asked me a time or two if I want him to bring home beer....when he knows I started out the am saying AF today for me. So yeah, it can be a problem. I do think Joe is wishy washy about going AF, as I am :H but I want it more.

No solution, hon, just saying I hear you.:l

[LisaL]

Just wondered if..

girls I live in a muslin country where its not that easy unless your here to earn money ...if you know what I mean.....whereby everything is available so is it not a case of grab it when you can, then what??
LX

[lorisunshine]

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Hi Lisa,
If I had to live in the UAE I would probably drink myself to death or die of boredom. Can you get your job back or perhaps get another one. If you are housebound on a daily basis, you will be tempted.
Can you ask hubby to not bring it home? You can do this, but you need to occupy your time with something that fulfils you and does not leave a hole in your soul.
Thinking of you.
Lori

[hulagirl]

Just wondered if..

Sometimes guys don't have a clue about giving gifts. So they'll pick up the AL because it's easy and say "here honey. look what i bought for you"... Try asking him to bring home a flower or a chocolate instead. And then be thrilled and "available" when he does.

[bald headed old guy]

Just wondered if..

I had to sit my wife down and explain to her all about my AL problem, she did not realize just how much I was drinking. So now she asks me before she pours anything to drink if it will bother me; I have learned to let her know yes or no it will or will not bother me. She has been very supportive of my work to stop drinking, she knew I had a problem she just did not know how much of a problem it was. I have no clue how I would handle being in your shoes, not having 'freedom" as I know it to be out and around, etc.
Hugs to you and hang in there! Stay on here as much as you can...I found it helped me a lot.
BHOG

[Thankful]

Just wondered if..

Lisa, what an awful situation to be in. Other than what everyone has stated I really haven't any advice. If your husband really wants you to quit, he should be more sensitive to your needs. Actually, let me re-phrase that...if you really want to quit, he should be more sensitive to your needs (regardless of whether he wants you to quit or not).

If he really needs the money (I'm assuming he is getting it for people who do not have a "special license), then can he put it in a part of the house that you rarely go to and even then, lock it up?

Take care. We are here for you.

Love, Me
:l

[LisaL]

Just wondered if..

Hi all
Thanks for the advice. I guess its down to me to tell him not to bring it home for me, but I have very little will power in that instance.

Boredom is the biggest thing over here and I really miss my daughter who is at home in London, but these are just excuses as I have been drinking for years and have only lived here for 2. Plus I hate the withdrawal symptoms not being able to get any meds here doesnt help. I could go home but I have a little boy here at primary school so it wouldnt be fair on him.

sorry for going on

Lx

[Flip]

Just wondered if..

What does your husband get from you drinking? Does he have more control in the household? does he get sympathy? What does he get out of it?

He IS enabling you, but why?