I am getting really tired and put a lot of it down to being 'a woman of a certain age'....
But this morning I was thinking about what I am eating....well, faced what I am eating - ir not! I just don't 'do' food.....I find it scary, unpleasant, boring, hate to eat alone.....loads and loads of 'food ishoos' from my childhood.....
But.....this isn't good is it....?
Monday -
8am Coffee and squirty cream with 2 biscuits. ('Home' coffee is de-caff though and I like it really watery!)
9am Coffee and squirty cream with small (2 desertspoonfulls!) bowl of muesli and goat's yoghurt.
10am Coffee and squirty cream and two biscuits.
1030am Coffee and squirty cream with handful of chocolate raisins.
4.30pm 'Proper coffee' and cheese panini in favourite cafe with spiritual book. (My sanctuary - relaxed here!)
6pm Fizzy water and nibbles.
(Out at choir 7-9)
10pm Beef casserole and baked spud with two veg (home made though!) (With TV as a necessity to not be 'alone'.)
Midnight - water and......a biscuit!!!
Um....being brave here as (a) I know many (although kind) suggestions will 'wind me up' as the thought of lettuce leaves and things turn my stomach! In summer yes, but not now! (b) And fancy! Who, like me, can spot the same old 'addiction tendencies'!?!?!? Alcohol used to 'soothe' my tum from its terror and now it's the cream/frothy milk....not the coffee....it's seems to be anything I perceive as 'comfort food'.....anything else is really, really scary....I find it almost impossible to swallow - drinking helped that, but sod that now!
This might just open a right can of worms for me but really the 'new comfort intake' might be better than alcohol but the 'behaviour' and trigger are still there and the diet is pretty bad for me.....
Bit scared but got to get more 'real fuel' in to me......and although I've lost loads of weight it's not the best 'diet' to do it on, eh?!?!? (Doing the vitamins etc but I think I need 'real fuel'!)
Grateful for that hand/boost/(gentle!) kick/load of ideas on what this is about?
Thanks.
Finding My Self. xx
(Dog, that was hard to type!!!!)
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