... that was a night that I will keep very close - forever. I force myself to remember it, even though I would rather forget it.
It was my last night drinking and it was awful - absolutely disgusting in fact.
It started out very much like any other "moderating" night. I had a bottle of wine open. I had half the night before and only planned on drinking the second half this night, which I did - good MM. Then "it" clicked in. I went over to the store... I thought to myself, "why do I only buy one bottle at a time - this is stupid! I am tired of going out so much - I will buy three"... I got home and opened another bottle - poured another glass, knowing I would only have one more glass. I was sad that night. I was newly separated, but I thought I was fine.
Well, this is where all the fun started.. I poured another glass then another and another, finishing that bottle. I opened another - I poured one last glass. I couldn't drink it - thankfully. I was feeling really depressed by then. I really don't remember much after that except that I went to bed and took a sleeping pill, then another, and then another. I didn't mean to do any harm to myself, I just wanted to go to sleep. I couldn't stand myself. I hated my mind, my body - I couldn't stand my skin - if I could have unzipped it and crawled out I would have - I just wanted to go away - but I couldn't get away from myself.
I will never forget this night. I can't.
I don't even recognize that person anymore. I am so grateful to be where I am today. I love myself. I love my mind, my body, my skin. I love life.
Please know it is possible to crawl out of dispair. Please never give up. Never, ever, ever give up. One day will be your day - so keep reaching.
Thank you all. You mean more to me than I can ever tell you.
Namaste, my friends.
MM
It was my last night drinking and it was awful - absolutely disgusting in fact.
It started out very much like any other "moderating" night. I had a bottle of wine open. I had half the night before and only planned on drinking the second half this night, which I did - good MM. Then "it" clicked in. I went over to the store... I thought to myself, "why do I only buy one bottle at a time - this is stupid! I am tired of going out so much - I will buy three"... I got home and opened another bottle - poured another glass, knowing I would only have one more glass. I was sad that night. I was newly separated, but I thought I was fine.
Well, this is where all the fun started.. I poured another glass then another and another, finishing that bottle. I opened another - I poured one last glass. I couldn't drink it - thankfully. I was feeling really depressed by then. I really don't remember much after that except that I went to bed and took a sleeping pill, then another, and then another. I didn't mean to do any harm to myself, I just wanted to go to sleep. I couldn't stand myself. I hated my mind, my body - I couldn't stand my skin - if I could have unzipped it and crawled out I would have - I just wanted to go away - but I couldn't get away from myself.
I will never forget this night. I can't.
I don't even recognize that person anymore. I am so grateful to be where I am today. I love myself. I love my mind, my body, my skin. I love life.
Please know it is possible to crawl out of dispair. Please never give up. Never, ever, ever give up. One day will be your day - so keep reaching.
Thank you all. You mean more to me than I can ever tell you.
Namaste, my friends.
MM
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