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A Grieving Process

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    #1

    A Grieving Process

    This is something that was mentioned to me by my GP last Thursday which I didn't quite take a lot of notice of as I was feeling pretty low etc. Anyway I've had time to reflect on this and it does seem to make a lot of sense. Like with the death of a family member or close friend we go through a grieving process and this can be said of our relationship with alcohol when we choose to give up. I would even go so far as to say that when I do think of my times spent drinking I always remember the good times and not the bad. I look at how I would of reacted or done something if alcohol was 'still alive'. This brings me to my point that I think with myself alcohol will never be far from my thoughts and learning to cope and deal with those thoughts, memories, reminiscing times in a positive way can only be a step in the right direction.

    I start my CBT course on Tuesday, which today I'm actually feeling more positive about (actually I'm feeling more positive than I have done in ages TBH) and I think this is something I am going to bring up!

    Something else to ponder on as well. I was watching a film last night called The Bucket List starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman.

    The synopsis is: Corporate billionaire Edward Cole (Nicholson) and working class mechanic Carter Chambers (Freeman) have nothing in common except for their terminal illnesses. While sharing a hospital room together, they decide to leave it and do all the things they have ever wanted to do before they die according to their bucket list. In the process, both of them heal each other, become unlikely friends, and ultimately find the joy in life.

    "I honestly envy people who have faith.........I just can't get my head around it." "Maybe your heads in the way!" this was a line that stood out and made me think a lot. So much so that I actually wrote it down so I could post it on here today.

    What made this so poignant for me was trying to look at my own relationship with alcohol as an illness and how sharing my experiences have helped me etc. ( I use the term 'illness' metaphorically not literally as well as I have my own beliefs concerning alcoholism as an illness as you all know. Let's not open up the old debate again PLEASE!!)

    Anyhow something to think about and a great movie to watch also!!

    Love and Happiness
    Hippie
    xx
    "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
    Clean and sober 25th January 2009
    Tags: None
    #2
    A Grieving Process

    Wow Hippie !!! That is so thought provoking !!! I've heard about that movie and now that you talk about it I will go and see it !!

    ~ I hear a whinny on the wind~

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      #3
      A Grieving Process

      what is a cbt course?
      thanks for your insight
      You can't turn a pickle into a cucumber

      Comment

        #4
        A Grieving Process

        Yeh, I was wondering that about CBT. What is it (I guess I'm an ignoramus)?

        Also, I will try to find that Bucket List movie... sounds good.
        Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

        Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

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          #5
          A Grieving Process

          Thanks Hippie, I think I will make sure I see the movie also. I have seen 'shorts' when my partner and I have been watching rented DVDs, but I didn't know what the movie was about.
          I believe CBT is Cognative Behavioral Therapy (probably not spelt right) , but have had it myself.
          xx
          Amelia

          Sober since 30/06/10

          Comment

            #6
            A Grieving Process

            Hi Hippie,

            Good luck with the course.

            When you find yourself remembering all the good times you had while drinking~perhaps it's just your head in the way! Instead, cut those memories short and recall some of the horrid moments, the disasters, surely we've all had them. Recall your last falling down flat on your face drunk. Not so pretty. Neither were the hangovers.

            I think we do greive the loss of our drug. But when we're done grieving we get on with living a sober life. I hope your course helps you to change your thinking patterns and eventually removing alcohol from your thoughts.

            It can be done!

            magic xx
            ~Are you looking for the Holy One?
            I am in the next seat.
            My shoulder is against yours. ~Kabir

            Comment

              #7
              A Grieving Process

              Hi Hippie
              I saw the "Bucket List" a couple of weeks ago and thought it was very thought provoking also. Funny and sad at the same time...

              About the "faith" thing..........For me, it is something that comes from deeper down than my head.....the inner part of soul ,spirit and heart that my mind-brain cannot touch.

              Just my thoughts.
              :h Nancy
              "Be still and know that I am God"

              Psalm 46:10

              Comment

                #8
                A Grieving Process

                tkeene;265711 wrote: Thanks Hippie for adding a perspective to our alcoholic minds and how they work (or don't), depending on how you look at it. We do tend to glamorize our drinking. And personally, I do reminiscence about the good ole days when I had fun. And there were many. But something switched in my chemistry a few years back and drinking is no longer fun. But I suppose my love affair with AL is difficult at best to let go. If I could just "wrap my head around the present", I would see drinking for the destructive force it really is. I wish you the best in your journey and quest to beat this thing.

                And thanks for the take on the Bucket List, I really wanna see that. Peace.
                I concur with Keene... it's a love affair that has turned severely devastating. It's like a bad, abusive lover now.

                Comment

                  #9
                  A Grieving Process

                  Hippie, good luck with the course. I hear CBT is fantastic!!! I could use a course in it myself, I am pretty sure.

                  I, too, concur with tkeene. A love affair gone bad. I still reminisce about the good ol' days when drinking was fun. I had many, many of them. One day that changed for me and it was about 6 years ago now. My brain chemistry changed.

                  I have a couple of glasses of wine from time to time now, but still, even after a good year of being mainly AF, I can still feel something is not right. It has definitely altered my brain chemistry. There is nothing romantic about it - that is for sure.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    A Grieving Process

                    Hippie... 100% agree.

                    Anyway I've had time to reflect on this and it does seem to make a lot of sense. Like with the death of a family member or close friend we go through a grieving process and this can be said of our relationship with alcohol when we choose to give up. I would even go so far as to say that when I do think of my times spent drinking I always remember the good times and not the bad. I look at how I would of reacted or done something if alcohol was 'still alive'. This brings me to my point that I think with myself alcohol will never be far from my thoughts and learning to cope and deal with those thoughts, memories, reminiscing times in a positive way can only be a step in the right direction.
                    When I stopped drinking, I CRIED at night, at the thought of never drinking again. It sounds so stupid, but it's true.

                    My uncle is a drug and alcohol counselor, and he used to say that to control any addiction, tell yourself, "Today. I CHOOSE not to drink today. Maybe tomorrow I will decide to drink, but just for today, I'll wait.".... and as stupid as it sounds, the maybe for tomorrow- that mentality - helps me "control" my grief.... :heart:

                    Patty
                    Tampa, FL

                    Comment

                      #11
                      A Grieving Process

                      As someone else who has been through the greiving process and come out the other side - it IS real and don't dismiss it as self indulgent mumbo jumbo.

                      It is a legitimate feeling to have and don't try to diminish it's importance. If you really weren't serious about stopping drinking you would have nothing to greive for! It is/was a HUGE part of our lives and it controlled the way we did everything. Of course you are going to be sad.

                      However, at the same time you must make yourself remember that it WILL get better and your life WILL be 1000 times more that it could have been.

                      Rejoice in the process.
                      It always seems impossible until it's done....

                      Comment

                        #12
                        A Grieving Process

                        Flip;266013 wrote: As someone else who has been through the greiving process and come out the other side - it IS real and don't dismiss it as self indulgent mumbo jumbo.

                        It is a legitimate feeling to have and don't try to diminish it's importance. If you really weren't serious about stopping drinking you would have nothing to greive for! It is/was a HUGE part of our lives and it controlled the way we did everything. Of course you are going to be sad.

                        However, at the same time you must make yourself remember that it WILL get better and your life WILL be 1000 times more that it could have been.

                        Rejoice in the process.
                        Exactly, Flip, well said!

                        Comment

                          #13
                          A Grieving Process

                          So true, so true. Unfortunately, most of us just remember the good times. Not only do we not want to think of the bad, we usually can't remember the bad! When we have those first few drinks, times are good and we still have a faculties and will remember "that timeframe" of the evening. It's then that we continue, because hey why not? We are having so much fun, right? Then part two of the evening begins to delevop for us. The much drunker, time to be a stupid dumb ass, etc. "timeframe". The one were we have to listen to the embarassing stories of someone telling us what we said or did. But after we nurse our hangover and try to relieve our guilt, we are left with what we do remember, and shit wasn't that fun? We had a good time, didn't we?

                          Don't be fooled into remembering your "good times". Your good times are awaiting you my friends.

                          Love, Me
                          :l
                          Alcohol is simply the device between success and failure.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            A Grieving Process

                            This is a great thread. Yes, I agree that I have and still am grieving over not drinking any more. Seeing people sipping wine at a nice resturant is like running into an old boyfriend. My heart races, and I tell myself to get a grip. I want to wrap my hands around that wine glass.....but then I know that it will break my spirit if I do.

                            And I will admit that I am damn mad that I can't be like others...just have a glass, and then go on. One glass for me is an invitation to finish the bottle...and see just how fast I can do it!!

                            This is so hard. I am struggling with cravings right now. I think more emotional than physical. Thanks for all of your support.
                            It's a brand new day!

                            Comment

                              #15
                              A Grieving Process

                              CBT course can someone fill me in? I feel utterly retarded
                              You can't turn a pickle into a cucumber

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