feel like why bother

[poohbear]

ok so I am a binge drinker. I just went 7 days AF and then went right back to the drink. I am on anti depressants but how can they help when I am still drinking? Alcohol is a depressent right? ok so i am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I go to work every day and do my job well, but come the middle of the week i am burned out and sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day is the knowledge that i can go home and have a drink. My marriage is not going so well, partly cause of my drinking and partly cause my dh got fired from his job so now everything is on my shoulders. I cant handle it all.

I have tried to find a psych or a counselor to talk to and all I have gotten is, I am not taking anymore patients or a voicemail. I feel rejected and dont know where else to turn so I turn to the bottle and ultimately i end up feeling so much worse. Dang so this is what I just did. I was feeling icky in my tummy so I went and (sorry if its too graphic) and ummm emptied my tummy into the toilet and then went and took another drink. How sick is that???? I dont know where to turn or where to go and although I am not suicidal I feel like death would be SOOOOO much better than what I am feeling right now. Sorry for being such a downer. Just looking for some support i suppose.

Much luv

Pbear

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

feel like why bother

Pbear,


Don't worry too much and keep trying to get a pdoc. I know it is beyond frustrating sometimes! Hang in there, it will get better!


Myheart

[Accountable for Me]

feel like why bother

Pbear, thinking of you hon. It is sooo very hard when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.

I had a heck of a time finding a regular doctor - and still am on a wait list for a shrink in this City. My doctor put out a request in August!!!

Stay close to us... maybe unloading your thoughts can help make things a bit more bearable. Sometimes it is good to just let if off your chest - you know?

I was a binger too - and this site is what got me to where I am today. Sober and starting to figure life out a bit more with a clearer head.

Keep checking in with us, and let us know how you are doing. And please just keep trying, because it will make you feel better about yourself.

[Accountable for Me]

feel like why bother

ps. I loooove your puppy avatar! So very cute.

**BIG HUGS**

[louise]

feel like why bother

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. Your title was interesting to me because I looked up alcoholism in Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life 2 days ago. Her book is about the thoughts that go with certain physical problems. Here is what it says: "What's the use? Feeling of futility..inadequacy. Self-rejection." She recommends positive affirmations about seeing your worth, loving and approving of yourself and living in the now. I realize this is all very simplistic, but please bother because things will not get better if you don't.

[poohbear]

feel like why bother

thank you my heart and accountable for your replies - you have no idea just how much it means to me that there truley is someone out there. I have one lone tear going down my face right now. It sucks to feel this lonely. One should not feel this lonely while being married and having the spouse right there. I truley do not want to give up on finding a doc to go to. Part of the voicemail thing is when they call me back I am at work and cant talk. I am off tommorow and will try again.

oh and thank u for loving my puppy avatar that is my real life puppy. SHE is what brings true joy into my life. Her name is Sophie and she is 8 months old.

much love and peace,

Pbear

[poohbear]

feel like why bother

thank you so much for your reply louise and although what you say sounds simplistic its so much harder to put into my head. I suppose i do have alot of self rejection and am tired of feeling this way about myself. Like my husband says "you are the only one that can fight your demons" will these demons EVER go away?? I don't know but I wish I could kick them into the vats of hell forever.

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

feel like why bother

Why should you bother?

Consider failure as a postponement at worst and another step in the process at best.

It's all a process - a hard, long one sometimes but it's a process - take it easy on yourself your not alone.

Pbear~ take it easy on yourself. I hope you get a good night's sleep... Monday is here. Take some time during the day to take care of YOU.... get out the HMO's directory, and go down the list until you find a doctor that can see you. Do NOT give up until you get that appointment!
So you drank too much.... and then barfed. Let's forgive and forget, okay? :l Don't make it a habit, and don't beat yourself up. You AREN'T alone, unless you choose to be. We are here, but more importantly, so are your friends and family.... including your husband. He may be out of work, but he still has a brain, his back, and his heart, right? Keep your head clear.

Ask him what he's planning to do to find a new job. I had a boss that used to say, "If you wake up and find yourself without a plan, you might as well go back to bed".... (please don't go back to bed!!!).... well, tell hubby he's got to get out of bed, too.

Stay close! Much love,

[poohbear]

feel like why bother

ps - I have stopped drinking and am now downing bottle of water :-)

[lucky 2.0]

feel like why bother

pooh,

I am in a funk too but it is less of a funk because of the people on the site. I hope we get to know you better. Give the doggy some good loving and a nice walk and you are sure to feel better. It really is the simple things that lift our spirits.

[morrison]

feel like why bother

Hi poohbear. Your story is similar to a lot of us. Depression, binge drinking. You can muster 7 days sober, and then you're back to the same thing. I myself have thrown up many times and continued to drink. You are right about drinking hurting any chance of your meds helping. It is a good thing that you know it. I too take medication, and it would only work when I stayed sober for some time. It does help to get a good pdoc, so stick with that. I know first hand how hard it is to get a pdoc. When I look into my insurance directory, psychiatrist comes shortly after podiatrist. There are about 10 times as many foot doctors as brain doctors. WTF!!! I guess working with people's nasty feet is easier than working with their distorted brains. Maybe you can make a post calling out some of our Seattle residents. I'm sure there are some here. You can possibly get a good referral. Good luck, and hang in there.

[Accountable for Me]

feel like why bother

You aren't going to be lonely if you stick around here! I felt much the same as you, married as well. Although we may be out in cyberland, we are real people with real feelings, dealing with this horrid affair with alcohol.

You will also find once you start feeling better things will really start to look brighter. You are doing something so wonderful for yourself - a true gift and that is helping yourself. I honestly believe each and everyone of us felt lonely and at the end of our rope when we landed here.

Keep on dialing those numbers and do not get discouraged. There is a shortage everywhere for psychiatric help. That has to tell you something tho. Many, many people such as yourself, me, and others have issues that need to be dealt with. Don't look at them saying they don't have any availability as a personal thing towards you. They simply don't.

There will be a great doctor for you out there. Sometimes we just have to work harder to find him/her.

Things will be OK. Do you know why I know this??? It is because you care enough about yourself, and you actually deep down inside know you deserve to be happy and healthy. You are here and that speaks volumes!

I am off to bed. 10pm here my time on Sunday eve. Try to focus on positive thinking/self talk - it really helps!

[poohbear]

feel like why bother

ahhh happy hour you found one of my quotes arent you such and sweet and loving person. Thank you so much for your kind words. I am hoping to feel a bit better tommorow and am hoping to find a doctor tomorrow I will keep you all update

[tawnyfrog]

feel like why bother

That gorgeous puppy deserves a happy mommy. Go easy tonight Pooh, start again tomorrow. Just try again. You did 7 days AF - you can do it again.

Just sending you some strength from Oz.

[louise]

feel like why bother

Good for you for drinking water. I think Morrison has a good idea about starting a thread asking for those in the Seattle area to help you find a doc. I used to live there but my contacts are too old to be much help. I was able to find help there so keep trying. It is frustrating. I have been trying for over a year here (fortunately I was already on meds that worked and have a good GP who was willing to keep prescribing). I was told 2 major providers had shut their mental health clinics because they didn't make money so the drs. left had 4 times as many patients as they were supposed to. I'm voting for the presidential candidate that talks about mental health parity! Hang in there.