Feeling Blah, blah, blah...

[KateH1]

Feeling Blah, blah, blah...

Sherrie,

I think you hit the nail on the head! When we stop drinking, most of the daily drama disappears along with the daily drama of drinking. No longer to we plot our trip to the booze store......hoping no one will see! Drinking while acting like this is all just casual and harmless.........working to maintain control while at the same time, wanting just one more drink, the one drink that will take us to Bliss! Funny, Bliss is never reached!

Yep! It is tough to learn or re-learn to Feel and Experience our true feelings. Daily life without the crazy drama. Honestly...I do not miss it!

[ducky]

Feeling Blah, blah, blah...

All that driving is so hard for parents, especially single parents. I like your idea of walking with your son. Maybe you can make the time in between drop off and pick up special time for the two of you some nights. You said you used to run, so walking or other exercise might be a great way to fill some of the time and it would be good for your son too.

Hang in there!

[keeta]

Feeling Blah, blah, blah...

Sherrie,

Boy do I know the, "can't get a bath without someone at the door syndrome". I think my one daughter's bladder is now programmed to let go the SECOND I get in the bath. We only have one bathroom, so I do ask if any one needs to use the facilities but it never fails....*knock knock* "moooooooooooommmmm, I have to gooooooo nowwwwwwwww"...yeesh.

I am sorry you are feeling so wound up....maybe go to the health food store, and ask about relaxing herbal teas?????

Bambi and Accountable...nice to know I am not alone :H I really do enjoy it! I am not sure I will be able to give it up when they are no longer interested

[sherrie]

Feeling Blah, blah, blah...

Well, we have 2 bathrooms, so that's not the problem...they just have to be in my business 24/7...gets exhausting!!

Guess there is much more to my story and the down feelings...was dating someone for almost a year, we were engaged, but broke up in December. We were apart for a month and just started seeing each other again about a month ago. When we were "together" he pretty much lived at my house, but since we broke up and are seeing each other again that has changed. Number 1, my kids hate him because of our past problems. So, our time together is totally different. He hasn't come to my house at all since the kids are always with me. So, I've seen him when I have spare time, which doesn't amount to much. I've been going over every morning for coffee. We did spend the weekend together because for once I didn't have the kids.

I don't know if it's me feeling different/down because of not drinking, but I'm not feeling very happy, close or connected to him. Not really sure what I'm thinking or feeling...

I've not very happy all the way around so maybe it's not just him, maybe it's me and what I'm going through??

Thanks for listening everyone...

[keeta]

Feeling Blah, blah, blah...

Sherrie,

It does sound like you need to arrange some time for yourself to regroup.

Is there a local day care, or preschool you trust that can give you two afternoons to yourself a week? Time you can do YOU things?...not house work, stuff you enjoy? Take yourself out for coffee and a yummy pastry? go to a movie?...get a massage?...or just finially take that nice long uninterrupted bath for once?

As for your relationship...the fact your kids dislike him, and he doesn't come over to your home...seems odd...kinda sends up little red warning flags? He is aware you are a package deal, right? Sorry if I am overstepping boundries, please tell me to bud out, I won't be offended.

much love and hugs,
Kee

[sherrie]

Feeling Blah, blah, blah...

Kee,

He is not coming over to my house right now because we were trying to work things out on our own without involving my kids. During the 11 months that we were together we had some problems and since my kids are around all the time, they were aware of everything. They typically never like anyone... So that is why we agreed that we would just keep the kids out of everything for the time being. Basically to see if we could work things out...

Well, your idea is great, but won't work. I leave the house every morning at 7 AM and leave the office at 5:00. My son is in 5th grade and my daughter is a freshman. So, yes he goes to latchkey after school, but I have to rush and get him and then rush to get home to pick her up for cheerleading practice.

Yes I need some time to regroup, but that isn't really a possibility. I have become even more angry at my ex-husband for dumping 99.9% of the responsiblity of these kids on me...been going on for 9 years. Just feeling sorry for myself...It is what it is. This is my life:upset:

[Bambi]

Feeling Blah, blah, blah...

Sherrie,

"Me" time is hard to get with kids. However if they are 10+ they should be able to go a half an hour on there own for you to have bath time. Sounds like they may be missing the closeness you once had with them. Make one on one time with each of them each day (even 15 mins of undivided attention helps) or the three of you do something special together, even if it is just cooking dinner. Just so they know that they are special. Then maybe they will give you your 30 mins. to yourself every evening.

Only time will tell if what you feel for the BF is over or if it is just getting use to not having the "togetherness" like you use to. You might have to reevaluate the relationship. Not in haste though. All the books say no major life changes during the first year of sobriety. ( I think major Mods and life changing drinking habits counts to even if we aren't giving it up all together count for that too.)

Hang in there, you are doing great!
Bambi

[keeta]

Feeling Blah, blah, blah...

Sherrie,
Ahhh, ok. I understand now. Well, seeing that you two had past troubles, you are very smart to test the waters without invovling the kids hearts too much at first.

Being a single mom is so hard. My heart goes out to you for all the hard work you are doing, alone. You should be proud of yourself.

I am not from the US...how old is your daughter, being a freshman?...is she old enough to watch her younger brother one night a week? Does your daughter have a frend who cheerleads also, that you and that mom can trade off car pooling nights to give you a break from that atleast?

How about making Sundays.. "pamper mom" day?...they get to make you breakfast in bed (be brave, cause lord only knows what you may get :H )...fold laundry AND put their clothes away...daughter can clean bathrooms...son can wash floors...and in exchange you can all go out for pizza for dinner? (hence you also get a break from cooking dinner, and doing dishes???)

hugs,
Kee

[sherrie]

Feeling Blah, blah, blah...

Kee and Bambi...thanks for the encouragement!

Both kids have birthdays next month so my daughter will be 15 and my son will be 11. Well, they really love having me all to themselves...no one else around. I think they are so "obsessed" with me because I am the only one that they can depend on. I'm the one that is always there for them...like I said, their dad doesn't do much with them. Yes there is definitely no reason they need to hound me while I'm in the tub!!!! I think the last 3 weeks that have totally noticed that I have toughened up and have become much more strict with them. I guess when I was drinking I let a lot of things go concerning being disrespectful, back talk, etc. Now that I'm not drinking, everything is much more noticeable to me and I've been putting my foot down. So far my son has his cell phone taken away and his Playstation.

Lots of changes going on for me and I think change is hard for me.

[Shikakai]

Feeling Blah, blah, blah...

KateH1;267501 wrote: Hey Sherrie,

When we are in the midst of raising children, life can seem completely filled up with mundane tasks (carpooling!) laundry etc etc that seemingly will never end! I know, I raised three kids, while having a very busy career and little help from their dad. But, I also remember a lot of good times back then. Enjoy this time with them, it goes by all too fast!

It's funny how other people's lives ten to appear so much more exciting! It is all about perception. Have you spoken to your MD about your feelings? Perhaps you are suffering from a bit of depression. Many do, alcohol or not. Sam-E is also very helpful. Excercise really helps! Even a good walk, walk with your son, talk and share with each other while walking. Invite a friend to walk with you, take a Yoga class.

What I have come to realize is that alcohol does not fill up our lives, does not bring us any true joy or fullfillment, in fact, alcohol creates a constant hemorage of of our self worth and or energies. Alcohol robs us of friends family and yes, our self respect.

I hope you can find your joy! I know that you can!

KateH

Um hmmm... alcohol keeps us from LIVING!

[KateH1]

Feeling Blah, blah, blah...

Yep! Shik, I do believe that alcohol keeps us from living! It really shuts down our senses.....ALL our senses!! It is almost like we have to learn to live again!! And I do mean "LIVE"!!!

This was really driven home to me when, on January 25th, I drank, after 28 days happily AF. Once again, due to "stress" and a multitude of other long held excuses, I gave myself permission to have just one of two........well, of course I had way more than that! I hated, truly hated the experience of feeling sad, sorry for myself, extreme anxiety and all the rest of the garbage! NOW! That experience was NOT Living!!

So, since that day, I am back to LIVING....Alcohol Free and learning how to truly Live, bumps and all!

Keep up the good work Shik!!! I am so happy for your AF days!

KateH

[sherrie]

Feeling Blah, blah, blah...

You guys are right...alcohol isn't living...
guess it's going to take a while to learn how to live and how to deal with everyday problems in life. I obviously don't know how to do that because I depended on drinking to deal. It will just take time:thanks:

[Shikakai]

Feeling Blah, blah, blah...

KateH1;267696 wrote: Yep! Shik, I do believe that alcohol keeps us from living! It really shuts down our senses.....ALL our senses!! It is almost like we have to learn to live again!! And I do mean "LIVE"!!!

This was really driven home to me when, on January 25th, I drank, after 28 days happily AF. Once again, due to "stress" and a multitude of other long held excuses, I gave myself permission to have just one of two........well, of course I had way more than that! I hated, truly hated the experience of feeling sad, sorry for myself, extreme anxiety and all the rest of the garbage! NOW! That experience was NOT Living!!

So, since that day, I am back to LIVING....Alcohol Free and learning how to truly Live, bumps and all!

Keep up the good work Shik!!! I am so happy for your AF days!

KateH

Thank you, Kate... I'm so glad you're back on the bandwagon.

Seven days sober and I am beginning to feel what I think is called "normal". I do NOT want to go back... ever.

[me145]

Feeling Blah, blah, blah...

i feel the same as you sherrie.. ive never gone past three weeks. i did three weeks.. in the beginning it was hard . i felt bored. like how do i live without drinking at all? isnt it going to be boring? i try to moderate, but i am iffy about it. so i havent been abstinent from alcohol, attempting to moderate, always struggling, having bad nights still....it suciks.. and even moderating sucks, bc on the days u dont drink, u want to drink and u feel bored. an down.. its a struggle, thats why its prob better to be abstinent.. if u get it out of ur system eventuallyu dont feel as bored or down not drinking. but i have the same feeling and question as u.. how do u deal with the boredom and emptiness? u may be depressed...

[Shikakai]

Feeling Blah, blah, blah...

me145;267803 wrote: i feel the same as you sherrie.. ive never gone past three weeks. i did three weeks.. in the beginning it was hard . i felt bored. like how do i live without drinking at all? isnt it going to be boring? i try to moderate, but i am iffy about it. so i havent been abstinent from alcohol, attempting to moderate, always struggling, having bad nights still....it suciks.. and even moderating sucks, bc on the days u dont drink, u want to drink and u feel bored. an down.. its a struggle, thats why its prob better to be abstinent.. if u get it out of ur system eventuallyu dont feel as bored or down not drinking. but i have the same feeling and question as u.. how do u deal with the boredom and emptiness? u may be depressed...

No expert by any means, but I think once you accept that you're not drinking and get it "out of your system" and "out of your mind", you will automatically turn your mind to other things.