Frustrated

[janka]

Frustrated

Hey BHOG!!! NO BIG DEAL ... it DOES NOT COUNT, forge ahead ... like db2 said it's a reminder ... so onward and upward okay? Hugs and strength and everything good to you, j

[southernbelle47]

Frustrated

Hey BHOG
I was wondering if you could just not have ANY in the house.
My own personal BHOG drinks everyday and makes it here. I just think it would be better not to have it around at all.

Chin up.....it's a journey.

:l Nancy

[Thankful]

Frustrated

Baldy, I agree with so much of what's been said. Especially about not beating yourself up. I think what happens when we've been AF for those 4 weeks, we always want to see what would happen. See if we can handle it. Well at least now you know.

Yes, you could handle it (this time) and you stopped at two (this time). But more importantly, the lesson learned was that you didn't like how it made you feel. Those lousy two glasses were not worth your self esteem and pride.

You know what to do.

Love, Me
:l

[Chief]

Frustrated

The Beast got you, my friend....

Very good advice here, but i think MM hit the nail on the head. The real question is what do you want to do......do you want to quit drinking or not? Do you want to be free of this or do you want to keep battling it? That's how it works. One or the other.

Pick yourself up and get right back with determination because you know now that you can do it. It was a lapse in judgement, not a relapse back to your old ways....

You can do it,

Don

[satori]

Frustrated

Hey BHOG

Totally agree - two glasses of wine is NOT a big deal - it is definitely drinking in moderation.

But - if you aim to stay AF - you need to take it as a warning that it is all too easy for us "special" types to slip back into old habits.

Hell - look at how many years most of us spent perfecting these habits!

Don't be too hard on yourself - you are doing an awesome job - just chalk it up a a learning experience and get on with the job!

Take care

Another BHOG!

[Croft]

Frustrated

only 2 glasses of wine? that is it? are you sure you are not being too hard on yourself?

[GottaChange]

Frustrated

HI Baldy,

I am sure this has been said, but I think part of this journey is to stop beating ourselves up. It really only makes it harder to stay away from alcohol. This has been one of my goals with this journey and with my weightloss journey.

We have to give ourselves the room to make mistakes and accept that they will happen, plan for them and then move on. Look at it as a learning experience. In the end it is not how many days you have been AF, it is how far you have come in the journey.

Take a moment to reflect, two glasses of wine does not take a way the success of 28 days AF. The success is if you are able to accept it and move on to another 28 days. Please don't let two glasses of wine take it away from you.

-GTC

[BELIEVE]

Frustrated

28 days is still quite a run BHOG, you can repeat and even exceed it this time around. 2 glasses of wine isn't exactly AF true, but it definatley could've been a lot worse. Nothing new to add here but hopefully you're feeling encouraged and ready to start on your brand new AF run!

[bald headed old guy]

Frustrated

thank you

Thanks to all the support from my MWO family! While I realize (when I calm down) this is not a major setback, it was very frustrating to me. Part of my frustration may have been highlighted by something MM said...what is the goal here? I never had set out with a "defined" goal, and as they saying goes, if you fail to plan you plan to fail. In my conversations with my wife, I had talked about being AF for something on the order of 30 days then seeing if I could hit a point of moderation...but again, no set goal. So that is a point I am going to have to consider as I reset and move forward.
Again, my thanks to all the support group! And I promise not to beat up on myself on this issue again...for at least 30 minutes! LOL
BHOG

[Chief]

Frustrated

BHOG, I think most of us start out thinking we will go AF for a certain # of days, 30 seems to be a realistic goal, but with the idea that then we will successfully moderate. The history here has shown that very few of us can successfully moderate. There are those who claim to be doing it, and I think there are a couple who are successful, but how do you quantify or keep stats on what is successful moderation? With AF it is measurable. I know there are a lot of people who TRY and mod, but come back to AF because they realize they cannot mod.

So...that brings us to the possibility of The Beast just playing you at the 30 day mark....putting those thoughts of..." I can handle just a couple now...I've proved I can quit..." or... " I think I'll see if I can Moderate my drinking now..." (of course you can moderate now...just because you haven't been able to for 30 years means nothing!...)

What you are going through is normal at 30 days. But decide what you want to do and set a goal. Don't wallow around.....don't give The Beast any wiggle room...

Don

[bald headed old guy]

Frustrated

Don,
As usual, your words are as pearls of wisdom!
Thanks!
BHOG

[Determinatrix]

Frustrated

Chief,

This idea of counting has me perplexed. The relief of getting to 30 60 90 days and then what? I have seen what you call the mindframe of one thinking that they have 'beat' it and now they don't have to be so vigilant.

If it is a lifesytyle change, then why the counting? I know that the numbers mean something - a milestone to look back, a score to keep track, small goals met successfully.

If we decide we intend to take calcium or start jogging or stop eating cookies, do we count?

Just trying to wrap my brain around this.

Respectfully, Dx

[Guest]

Frustrated

DX,

This is very interesting. I reckon that there are several ways that people solve their problems - question is what is for each of us at a particular time... eg, AA is not for me, I cant do the God thing myself so that is meaningless for me, but there are things that I can take out of AA (once I"m not angry with it!!)

For me counting is a known fact.. quantifiable. No question.. I have not had a drink for x days.. no question.. no torture in my mind over is it only 1 slip in a year.. no.. for me, its no slips for over two years - 829 days today to be precise. Making that real for me gave me the sobriety that I needed to tackle the psychological crap that led me to drink in the first place and to be totally honest, I needed sobriety to tackle that stuff cos that was hard work and really needed the sobriety. I needed to make changes in my life - and to negotiate those changes with my family. I"m still making big changes and questioning things in my life.

For me counting was a tool that got me to where I am today. Maybe its not for everyone, and thats fine, but for me it had to become black and white - because, for me, it was a question of life and death.

BHOG

Its tough hey. I tried mods a thousand times. Each time I kept on hoping, but I simply couldnt do it. When I started going abs, it was still with the hope of mods but the more I counted up my numbers of sober days the more scared I got of 'going back' because it took me so long to get sober. And after a while things in my brain started to change and I started what I might call the real work within me.

It is my truth that anyone can do this and that the work IS worth it.
As I said, i've not had a drink for 829 days (and no.. I dont count each day now, I just had to work that out.. for me its about year counting now!!)
Good luck
Brigid

[Determinatrix]

Frustrated

Thank you Brigid.

Sorry to temporarily hijack your thread Baldy.

Dx

[Cinders]

Frustrated

Bridig,

Wow.

Love,
Cindi