Tpta;;y screE#sed.

[Niblet]

Tpta;;y screE#sed.

Cindi, you know that I love you very much... I'm feeling your pain and wish you all the best in beating this beast.. Please take it easy on yourself as guilt only makes this rough battle all that much harder... I'm thinking of you xxx

[meditation mama]

Tpta;;y screE#sed.

Cindi~

Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you thi smorning. Please don't be too hard on yourself. I know that is very difficult to do, but we are here. Let us love you and help you get back on track. You can talk through what you want to do next.. we are all here for you...

All my love,

MM

[magic]

Tpta;;y screE#sed.

A New Day

Hey Cindi,

I just want to tell you that I love you.

Nancy xx

[KateH1]

Tpta;;y screE#sed.

Hi Cindi,
I have been thinking about you since this all started up again yesterday. My heart truly aches for you. I agree with Chief, there is an answer for you. You just have to find what will work for you.
Please check in today.

XXXXXKate

[Cinders]

Tpta;;y screE#sed.

Good morning all my dear friends.

I am back on the wagon again today for the 100th or so time.

Yesterday, and I know this seems so weird, but I was getting Adrienne's paperwork sent to Mayo Clinic for review. They said 5 to 10 business days to process and decide. Then it will only take a week to get an appt.

I made the HUGE mistake of reading her blood results and looked up on line what the numbers meant. Sometimes too much information is bad. Really bad.

So, as I realized why the diagnosis "Most likely alcohol liver disease" was given. The numbers show it big time.

I am scared and I deal with scared by drinking. I know it is stupid, I know I need to be here and strong but this one has me down big time.

Today I will not drink and tomorrow I will not drink and the next day because I actually got some Librium (just a couple day's worth) so insure I stay off the alcohol and to stay a bit calm while doing it.

Adrienne got worried talking to me this morning because she could tell I am in panic mode. The last thing I need to do is have her worry about me!!

I am, however, ordering SamE for her from MWO because it is the highest quality and does help the liver to regenerate.

Thank you all for caring. I have no idea why I sit and post when I am drinking. It is a stupid thing to do. Almost as stupid as drinking.

Love to all,
Cindi

[keeta]

Tpta;;y screE#sed.

Morning Cindi,

Maybe you post when drinking because you know this is a place where lots of love and support can be found.
That seems pretty smart to me...reaching out to people who care!
you are loved,
Kee

[Bambi]

Tpta;;y screE#sed.

Cindi,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter. Please take care of yourself so that you can take care of her!

Only positive thoughts, okay!
Hugs,
Bambi

[lushy]

Tpta;;y screE#sed.

My prayers are with you and your daughter Cindi. I know this is not an easy time. Love and hugs to you.

[Determinatrix]

Tpta;;y screE#sed.

Cindi - so glad to hear from you this am.
You sound better, even tho your news is scary.
:l
Dx

[maasai]

Tpta;;y screE#sed.

cindi dear, remember what you told me a week ago that nomatter the situation i had to be strong for myself, please do the same please keep your head up no matter the situation,am here and we are all there for you.

[Accountable for Me]

Tpta;;y screE#sed.

Cindi, you give so much of yourself to others. It is time for you to take back a bit, for yourself.

It is such a waste to see a good person like yourself, slowly kill themselves with alcohol.

Your daughter is 26 and has her whole life ahead of her, once she is well. Use this time to become well together. There is something said about 'strength in numbers'.

Thinking of you both.

[Mags]

Tpta;;y screE#sed.

Cindi my friend

I'm sorry I missed posting yesterday - I am glad to see you back on your feet today. Let the doctors take care of your daughter. You have done all you can for her by getting her to the doctor and getting her good care. Don't play internet doctor - that is never a good thing. Let the experts do the diagnosing and taking care of her. That's their job and they're good at it. And don't panic - remember their job is to make her BETTER and they will. This should be a hopeful time, not a time to panic. She is so lucky to have a mom like her to find her good care. You are a great mom. And she will get care and she will get better. A little hooray might be in order here, not all gloom and doom.

Your job is to take care of Cindi. That is something you can do something about. Maybe if we look hard enough we can find some hope here too. Something there also besides all gloom and doom. Stop calling yourself names first of all. I hate name calling. Now let's look for the hope.

You are sober right now. That's where the hope is. You know the drill from here. Do not pick up that first drink. You don't have to stay sober. You don't have to go AF for a day. You don't have to think about how many days AF or any of that shit. You only have one thing to do. The one thing you have to do is not take one drink - that first drink. That is where all your energy is focused. If you have trouble deciding if you should or not you're gonna hit these boards before you pour a glass.

There's lots of hope. Because you don't really have all this shit to do that is overwhelming you right now. You only have one thing to do. ONE THING.

Love ya gal. :h

[KateH1]

Tpta;;y screE#sed.

Cindi,

Mags made so many great points, (as usual), Cindi, all of us here are alcoholics, when we are drinking, we drink for a number of reasons, fear, anxiety, celebration, relaxation, boredom, sadness, etc. etc. etc. But what ever the reason we give ourselves "permission" to pick up that first drink, it always ends the same way. What ever reason we took the first drink, the problem is still there. Nothing is solved. In fact, we usually feel far worse than when we picked up that bottle. Cindi, your daily issues are no different. You are not different.

A good friend shared a story with me a few days ago, I will share it with you.

Herford cattle are the servivors of their species. Herford's are known to survive the worst of snow storms, when other animals die. Why, Herfords will face right into the storm and walk towards the storm and thus, through the storm. Other animals run from the storm and are in the center of the storm longer and the struggle for them is harder than for the wise and brave Herfords! The moral of the story is obvious, head into our storms and deal with them, they will be over much more quickly and we will live!

Cindi, clean out your house! Leave no alcohol in your house. Do not buy any more alcohol. At least until you have some control over your impulses. I care a lot about you and I want you to lick this thing!

Hugs!
Kate

[Cinders]

Tpta;;y screE#sed.

Mags and Kate,

You are both right.

I get those damn shaky hands from anxiety and just know the best way to deal with it is my good old enemy AL. and yes, the shakiness goes away, I calm down, heart quits racing. However, once in the bottle, I am in the bottle, or two or who knows?? Period.

I am one of those unfortunates who drinks to blackout each and everytime. Moderation for me would be just a single bottle of wine.

So, for today I actually broke down and took a Librium and will talk to my doctor next week about some sort of anxiety medication. I truly believe that if I don't deal with my anxiety, I will not kick this alcoholism at all.

It makes me realize I am a weak person underneath it all so I just have to figure out how to develop some muscle.

Thank you both.

No alcohol in the house today and I don't have a car today. Nearest store is way too far away. I have made my house a "safe place."

Love,
Cindi

[Saint Jude]

Tpta;;y screE#sed.

Cindy, you don't fool me a bit!
You're one of the strongest people here! :h We all have our moments...
YOU ARE NOT WEAK ! Repeat that, back to yourself.

Know that you're a wealth of inspiration & strength for everyone here...
Have a better day Hon.

Love ya bunches,
:l
Judie