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    #1

    Triggers and bingeing

    Hi All,
    This is my fourth week on the program - I haven't really been posting, mostly because I have been stuck up in my cabin in the mountains with no phone/internet, shoveling snow for 2 weeks!!!

    Anyway - I am up to 100mgs of topa and taking my supplements. I feel better and am not bingeing 3-4 nights a week as before. Everything is becoming much more clear to me now - wow, I can actually sit down and perform a whole days worth of work!!

    However, I still have those "triggers" that won't stop talking to me... and then I take that first drink and that first drink turns into more drinks....Has anyone else gone through this? It happens 1-2 times a week. I am hoping it is maybe because the dosage of the topa is not quite there yet....Also, because of my new "clarity", I am really seeing my life as it is and have recently decided to separate from my 3 year relationship, which is sad and not conducive to sobriety.

    Plus, these supplements just give me so much damn energy that sometimes I feel like I want to jump out of my skin and alcohol has always been a way to relax, and "dumb" myself down...

    Anyway, I feel much better, even if I do drink, I don't drink as much and there are no blackouts, no embarrassing behavior - it seems like the pills are giving me some control over how MUCH I drink - although as I believe I have some sort of allergy to alcohol, I still feel the same lousiness the next day, no matter how many drinks I have. I don't think moderation is the answer for me, AF is probably where I need to be.

    I am so grateful for this program, AA did NOT work for me - neither did counseling. The dark side seems to be moving further away into the distance...hopefully I can do the 30 day AF like some others I have seen on this post, Maybe in March!
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    #2
    Triggers and bingeing

    :welcome: skygal!

    I was a binger and stopped using this program just over a year ago. The first few weeks are very difficult - I know and I can empathize!!!

    Keep taking the topa and the supplements. Keep reminding yourself why you want this so badly. Most importantly - keep very busy.

    I still have days where I think 'getting drunk' sounds appealing. I know for myself, that it will lead to the place I was before. I have a couple of drinks now once in a blue moon, BUT I have to remain very vigilant.

    Deep breaths, lots of water, and keep busy. Post lots, read lots, and reach out for help here when you need to.

    Comment

      #3
      Triggers and bingeing

      I hate to hear about the snow and the relationship, but the program will work. Just don't give up. I had to take more topa than that to get the full effects, but everyone is different. Hang in there, it will get better; really!

      bear
      What St. Frances of Assisi said of himself is true for me.
      ?If God can work through me He can work through anybody.?

      Comment

        #4
        Triggers and bingeing

        Hi Skygal,

        I had to go up to 200 mg of topa to stop drinking completely, although I really slowed down too by 100 mgs.

        After about 3 months of sobriety, I was able to titrate down on the topa, and I now take 100 mg as a maintenance dose.
        Well done on your work so far!
        :l :l
        AF as of August 5th, 2012

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          #5
          Triggers and bingeing

          Also, because of my new "clarity", I am really seeing my life as it is and have recently decided to separate from my 3 year relationship, which is sad and not conducive to sobriety.


          I certainly know how this feels as 3 months into my sobriety I realised that my relationship of 5 years was not what I wanted and my drinking was partly a way of me dealing with that during the last 12 months. It looked like a sudden decision to a few members of her family and they thought it was my drinking that played a major role in our reasons for parting but in fact it was completely the opposite; it was being sober for those 3 months that made me see more clearly.

          Love and Happiness
          Hippie
          xx
          "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
          Clean and sober 25th January 2009

          Comment

            #6
            Triggers and bingeing

            Thanks so much everyone for the encouragement and the info on the topa...it's good to know that when I go up on the dosage, the cravings will dissipate (well, hopefully they will!). This binging just has to stop...I hope I can be here one day a year from now, sober, giving advice like you all.

            Regarding the relationship - it hasn't been good for a long time, but we have had the alcohol in common and have been enabling each other in that respect. Now that I am going sober (well, trying to anyway), I see things in a different light and don't want to live my life in pain everyday....alcohol is just a way to mask the pain, now I see that - and you are right, hippie, everyone thinks that the breakup is sudden when it is not - it has just taken a bit of sobriety for me to realize that our relationship has always been wrong....

            Thanks, and peace.

            Comment

              #7
              Triggers and bingeing

              The first few weeks can be very intense. For the first time you are facing many of your old problems but this time without your old "friend" AL and it's a very different experience. Hang in there. Keep dosing up slowly on the topa and the cravings should get better and you should calm down a little. It is a huge change and takes a while to adjust to it. But you are doing a great job.
              Rest in Peace, Bear. We miss you.

              Comment

                #8
                Triggers and bingeing

                So the supps. help you to moderate? I wish I could try that, but I wouldn't dare... glad you found something that works for you.

                I so hear you about the "voices". The VMs were talking to me the other day... Day Six of my AF. They were very "loud". I put in ear plugs, though :H

                They were saying, "You can just ONE drink. It will be okay." Satan is a deceiver. I know one drink would have led to 10 within the hour.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Triggers and bingeing

                  Hi Skygal,
                  You and I seem to be in about the same place, although I am not experiencing the relationship issues. The supps and the CD's have really helped me reduce my alcohol consumption dramatically, but I have yet to string together any serious number of AF days. I have received my Topa, but due to getting the flu, I only took 25 mg for a few days and then stopped. I plan to start again after I fully recover from this.

                  Like you, I hope to see myself here in a few months with even greater success than I've obtained thus far. I will say that if someone told me two months ago I'd be "moderating" to the level I am right now, I wouldn't have believed it. I tell myself that the baby steps I'm taking now are getting me to where I need to be long term, even if I'm not there yet.
                  Be of good cheer. Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find joy in overcoming obstacles (Helen Keller)

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