Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

[wonderworld]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

and I agree Thankful! I think sharing everything that's going on is critical in the beginning. I had to put it ALL out on the table.

Love you! :h

WW xox

[Mags]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

I've never posted on this thread before so you guys probably don't even know me. My evil twin Cindi keeps telling me to read and post here. So I do read it from time to time. Tonight I was trying to avoid folding laundry so happened upon the last few pages when you were talking about long term abbers.

As my dear friends WW and Kate know I am a long term abber. And I really want to thank Thankful for her post. I still read a lot, but don't post much on MWO anymore. I find there is not much of a place for us long term abbers. Whether you use the supps and meds or not, the truth is going and (the hard part) staying sober is hard - hard as hell - for many of us. I used to write about it a lot, but people don't want to hear that anymore. I want to give people here all the love and support I can but they have to face reality. Thankful said it perfectly - the love gets left out of tough love. I too have gotten nasty pm's saying I'm too tough. I don't think I am. You guys know me. Read my posts. Remember Bear was killed by a drunk driver.

I don't know why I am writing this. I have other things to do. I feel so strongly. We are all here for the same thing. We all want to make our lives better. We all truly want to help each other do that. No drama, please. Accept that this is a very tough journey for all of us - even for those of us who have been sober for a few years. And we all do want to help each other. And we are all just amateurs at this. We're not trained counselors - we're ones who have lived or who are living this. We are trying to help each other and we all mean well, but we are stumbling in the dark at times. But we all care tremendously about each other or we wouldn't be here

[mwo2]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Hi All, this is from another thread that I responded to... I copied it to here as I wanted to somehow respond, because this has become the thread that I feel the best at, but as a newbie still not all that sure of things sometimes...
I do know that I am going to be an abstainer. It is me.
Thanks




Quote:
Originally Posted by aylalarry
It feels like you are all in my head with my very same thoughts. My CD's arrived today...after I finished my bottle of wine. Just can't stop after the buzz. Have 2 more in the fridge just waiting. So...when do I start ? Now, after my supplements , after my topamax ??? When are we ready ???

Hello ayla - It is not a question of "when are we ready" the question for yourself is "are you ready?" The answers needs to be a, hopefully is a resounding "YES!" The questions "When do I start?" If you answered your first question with a YES, then start now. Don't wait for all the "stuff" Start with what you have...( Hope you got the book also because it is the foundation for the whole program.) The book will be your guide. The threads are the support.. but you really have to be supporting yourself in this...first and foremost.

For me I have been alcohol free in the past, more times not....when I was af before I did it because I was told do it or else, well the or esle happened anyway so eventually came back to al.. This time I am AF because I gave myself a resounding YES...the mwo program gave me the tools, the foundation, the threads give me support...do I feel positive that I am finding my own way out....absolutely a resounding YES...but there lies the "key" it is "my way out" because I followed the program and because I told myself YES!
__________________

[KateH1]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Hey Mags, so good to see you here! Thanks for the posts WW,Liv, mwo2, Thankful.

One can, dislike a behavoir and love the person or like the person whatever the case may be. In other words, when I speak out about drinking.....I am speaking about the drinking and my disdain for alcohol. I am not judging a person, nor disliking the person. The same way that a good parent will disaproove a behavior and love the child.

I do not have the time nor the energy to respond to every sing new person on this board. Many times, in fact, many, many times, I have responded, many have others have also responded and the person is never seen again. That is disheartening. But, I keep going and hoping that in some way, I might be able to lend some insight into all of this. From the pm's that I have recieved, I know that I make a difference. I want to pay it forward. But, I also, will not waste my time with people who obviously have no desire to stop drinking. And....I also will not shovel pity on a never ending basis.

Sobriety is not a walk in the park for me. There are times, now, where I can go for days, even weeks without thinking of having a drink. But, I admit, that I do have times where I struggle. Times when it would be easy to just give in. The thought of drinking, frankly scares the hell out of me. I value my sobriety. I cannot afford to take the attitude myself of....What the Hell.....it's only a drink or two...tomorrow is another day....I can't and I won't. And....I will not provide excuses for anyone else.

But, if somone is really working at this, giving it their all....doing everything for themselves that is possible at that time, and they stumble.......I have and always will be right there with them helping them back to their fee.

Everyone have a good night,
Kate

I value this thread because it is the one thread that I feel free to talk about what I am thinking and how I am feeling at the time. I have never imdicated that anyone else "should" think like me. We all have free choice. But, on this thread, I found others of "Like Thinking", not Identical...but willing and ready to hear me out, and support me and each other without the BS!

[LVT25]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Hi guys,
Just wanted to check in before we leave on our little mini-vacation! I'm not sure if I'll be able to check in while there or not.
Thanks again for your support on the hubby issue. He didn't drink last night which was really nice. This weekend will be a challenge--but there will be plenty of other things to do besides drink al. I've got all my supps, and keeping my GABA on my person at all times.
Hope everyone has a great weekend!

:h:l

[A Work in Progress]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Good morning all, I have read all posts with interest. It's a struggle, isn't it, working within a program which is DESIGNED to be helpful for people seeking either freedom from alcohol, or moderate intake? Very, very different from AA, for example... and for the most part I find the differences from AA to be very, very helpful, and MUCH more aligned with a contemporary understanding of substance abuse or dependence.... yet it introduces the tensions we now see. And there are (at least) two levels: at one level, we have the tension between people who actually embark on a real program, based on RJ's experience, and her book, and we also have those who just are attracted to the idea that they can cut down on their drinking, and who have no interest in really doing any of the work involved.

At another level, we have people who want to engage in moderate alcohol consumption, and who put elements of a program into place... but who struggle quite a lot with it; and they are here along with those of us who are committed to being AF. And people shift back and forth across these artificial groups I have set up. And within themselves, people struggle with what their goals can or should be. Creates quite a diverse and shifting bunch of people! No wonder we see this kind of tension... and we get irritated with each other sometimes...

I am sympathetic with all of us but will usually continue to take, and appreciate, the "tough love" approach that Thankful also models... because I think that people who are struggling need to hear straight, clear talk... I certainly do.

wip

[wonderworld]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Mags -

It's really really good to see you here. I hope you spend more time on this thread. I think any and every kind of AB's should be visible and integrated. Yes, we do share this struggle. But no, it's not the same for everyone. Why would your experience be less valuable? Because you don't feel "cheerful" about it all the time? That sounds a little too AA'ish to me. I think MWO is much more open and inclusive and cool than that. We are not cookie-cutter people . "Real" is so much better. We ALL benefit from it. And there will always people who identify with you and it could help.


You know - with your saying hello here Mags, I'm seeing a lovely possibility for the future of this thread. Maybe a nice place for any long term abstainers to talk about what's up when they need/want to. A gentle, respectful, non-judgmental place to "put it out there". Because as you said, the journey continues.......

And we do have such a nice vibe going here :h

Love WW xox

[Beck]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Glad you posted here Mags!

I got sober through MWO and occasionally struggle to stay sober. It strikes me that those who are long term abstainers leave the boards. But I think some of those folks bounce back perhaps b/c of lack of support. There really should be a place at MWO where you feel comfortable sharing your experience - struggles and all - many of us could benefit and identify. Maybe the thread should be on abs board rather than gen disc so that newer folks know what they are getting when they visit - just a thought.

[Determinator]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Mags, I'm sorry to see you feel people don't want to hear your words so much...? I beg to differ...looks like I'm not alone either

[Determinator]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

BTW. I'm having a freaking kick-ass day !!!!!!!!!

love you all

[Doggygirl]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

I haven't posted to this thread for a long time but I am a lurker here!! I just wanted to thank Mags in addition to the "regulars" to this thread for your words of wisdom now and always. My #1 reason for being here at MWO is to get and stay sober. It's nice that we share fun and laughs and thank goodness we can talk about things other than AL sometimes. BUT...I am here for my sobriety first, and EVERY word of wisdom and EVERY bit of tough love from ANYONE ahead of me on this journey is welcome.

I would not be here where I am at 78 Days AF (a baby step!) if it weren't for the "tough love" given to me along the way by several of you here in this thread, The Chief of course, and others like Satori who I really miss. I hope you longer term abbers never give up. I know it gets tiring posting and posting words of advice and feeling like much of it is falling on deaf ears. There will always be at least a FEW ears that ARE listening and taking your words of wisdom, experience and advice to heart. I thank all of you!!!!

ETA: DETER!!! You ROCK that kick-ass day!!!

DG

[Thankful]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Mags, and all of you actually, thank you so much for your support. You don't know how much it means to me, especially with the type of day I am having. :upset: I feel like I can never say anything right lately. WTF?? I am so frustrated right now that I can not even see straight.

I love that things are actually in print because it keeps the honesty there anyway. People can twist words all they want, but the facts are forever posted.

I love all you guys so much!! Thank you for keeping me sane!!

Love, Me
:l

[A Work in Progress]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Beck, I am sorry to hear you say that it appears that long-term AF people tend to leave. That is actually my own fear... I left AA, after 3 years sober, and it seemed like a good choice to me at the time... but without the consistent presence and support of non-drinking people (non-drunk people), I soon decided it was OK to drink, and it's been years of off-and-on struggling ever since. I know that I need a life free of alcohol... and to have that, I know that I need a community of healthy, non-drunk (and preferably at least some of them non-drinking) friends...

I can already see that it gets a bit touchy and over-the-top around here... but that will happen anywhere... AA, life in general... where-ever...

wip

[Beck]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

WIP,

I went to my first ever AA meeting yesterday b/c I am struggling now and b/c I recognize that I will need some sort of long term support structure. Not sure the AA is it. But it was humbling and heartening to be in a room with a woman who is 24 years sober. It's also comforting to know there is a physical presence nearby when I need it.

I may be wrong about the long-term AF folks leaving. They may well be around without posting.

[livingfree]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

I am having the busiest day of my week!!! Running my bum between treatment rooms - can't go fast enough!!! But in taking a breather I wanted to quickly post

MAGS!!!!!!! I love your post and I ALWAYS seek to read anything you post. You are my inspiration and my hero here. Always truthful, honest and firm in the truth!! It's so what I need thank you thank you!!!

Thx -- I love you baby!! You put yourself out there with honesty and integrity and I think you get to the point with grace and ease. Thank you and DON:T EVER CHANGE - PLEEEEEZE.

DET - YOU ARE JUST ON FIRE TODAY -- POPPING HER AND THERE AND EVERYWHERE!!!!

WW - KATE - BECK - WIP - DG AND ANYONE I'VE MISSED -- THANKS FOR YOUR WISDOM.

LATER -- RIGHT NOW I HAVE TO WORK $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$