Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

[wonderworld]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

woof!! Doggy you kidnapped my angel dude? Is that any way to treat a sister? :upset:

[BELIEVE]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Haha Liv glad you like my sense of humor. Although I was somewhat serious in my little rant, I actually had another member in mind when I wrote it. But in the intrest of keeping the peace, I'm happy to keep that to myself. We're in the drama-free zone!

WW nope I'm not working, I'm on my days off. I'm waiting for some freinds to get online so we can merk it up for awhile. BTW I liked your other avatar better. Lol why can't everyonbe have a cool Masterchief avatar like me?

Getting back to AF-related matters, I been thinking about drinking quite a bit latley. I keep driving past all my fave liquor stores and looking at them as I go by. It would be so easy to just swing on by. I could rock a 30-pack and a pint. But then I wonder jsut WTF I would do with them. Its weird, I've mentioned this before, I'm not sure I'm a non drinker. I feel like a house cat who is never allowed outside but my owner fucked up and left the door open so now I'm running around in the yard trying to figure out what to do with myself. Don't get me wrong I'm loving my freedom (and thats really what being AF is, isn't it? freedom?) but I just can't help but think the homeowner (we all know who that is) will discover my abscence and the open door and come get me. I don't know if that'll be the case of course, its just hard not to feel that way.

I bring all that up because the whole "WTF would I do with AL if I got some" is something new, and it seems to contradict my cat-in-the-yard theory. Pretty intresting I think, 60 days or not this is still very new and uncharted territory.

[Hannah]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Believe - having been there, this is just normal stuff, normal testing by the "Al-mister" when he is trying to throw a monkey wrench into all your hard work when you have reached this point in your AFness. Ignore him. Turn your back. This too will pass. And, if you remember, it's perfectly normal to feel this way, you can recognize it for what is, and just carry on.

[wonderworld]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

who is it? who opens the door?

[wonderworld]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

it's a very interesting analogy Believe. What does the house represent, do you think ? And yeah - WHO would open the door? ( is there a fence around the yard? is there green grass? why are you running around and around?)

[Thankful]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Hey, Believe.

Just wondering, do you have these thoughts of drinking only (or more so) on your days off? If so, maybe there is something to your routine you can change.

Do you want to go to chat and talk it out?

Please stay strong. You've come so far. You would really be upset with yourself if you threw in the towel now.

Love, Me
:l

[BELIEVE]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Al would be the homeowner, looking to get the cat back in the house!

[wonderworld]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

oh. so AL represents shelter hmmmm.........

[wonderworld]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

shelter from ? Do you know? from running around in the yard trying to figure out what to do? hmmmm...........

[wonderworld]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

very intersting........ I can relate.........

[BELIEVE]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Hi Thankful

I guess it dosen't matter wether I'm at work or not re: my thoughts of drinking. I get plenty of them at work too since theres LOTS of beer where I work. BUt its really wierd, I don't have what could be described as cravings per sae. Just thoughts. Its hard to describe. I'm not in danger of drinking anytime soon to be sure. I don't keep AL in my apartment. I wouldn't actually go into a liquor store..as much as thoughts of drinking pop into my head, the thought of actually tasting alcohol and the having that nasty buzz sounds really unapealling. I'd rather eat a basket of fried assholes.

I do have a couple freinds who have kinda given me the shoulder once they saw I was for real about staying sober, which is a shame. I went out with them a couple times and drank water while they got fuckered up. They quit calling after that even though they said they didn't mind. I saw an old freind at the gun show this morning who was commenting on St. Pattys day coming up. I told him I'm not drinking and he looked at me like I had a pair of horns or something.

I don't know. I dodn't mean to worry anyone, I'm still AF for the forseeable future. I'm not afraid of being AF for the rest of my life, that would be fine. I think maybe its just such an awsome thought, maybe I just don't think I'm that lucky. I don't know, like I said its a little wierd.

I'll state for the record right now though that I'm doing great, I was just sharing some rather (I thought) intresting thoughts. Actually I got some GR8 bargains at the gunshow this morning (I'll be going back tomorrow) so I'm really happy!

[wonderworld]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

BELIEVE;291939 wrote:
BUt its really wierd, I don't have what could be described as cravings per sae. Just thoughts. Its hard to describe.

I totally get that Believe. I don't think it's weird.
Yes, intersting thoughts............ keep 'em comin'

[BELIEVE]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

No, I think AL in the case of my example represents my overbearing owner who kept me cooped up in the little world he created for me. So Al is the "Owner" here, and the "House" is the drunken reality I've been living in for the last 10 years. That was my whole existance, just a house is to a cat that spends every day of its life confined within its walls. Being AF really is a whole new world, or at the very least a different version. I'm still getting used to it. I dunno, lol this probably isn't making a whole lot of sense....

[wonderworld]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

shut up!!! it makes TOTAL sense. So.... what can you do to calm down in the yard?
huh?
WW xx

[meditation mama]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

BELIEVE;291939 wrote: I'd rather eat a basket of fried assholes.

NICE! :H

Oh, Believe, you absolutely make my day... I sure do understand your thoughts, though. And I think it is imperative that you speak your mind here. I love to hear your analogies.

I think all of us here at the 60+ day mark have hit some pretty uncharted territory, even if we have been here in the past. I have in fact been sober for 60 days before (about three years ago), but for some reason this time is very different. I don't know if I have ever gone to the emotional depths that I am right now. I also am sure I have never been this serious about not drinking - and I have certainly never said never before - at least not to myself...

SO, uncharted territory - for sure!

I am glad we are charting this together. What an amazing group we have here. I feel very fortunate right now to have all of you on this journey with me.

Well, I'm off to bed...

xoxo

MM