Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

[livingfree]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Det ~ have you read the book "In defense of Food"? They also talk about eating only what our great grandparents ate. I love that. Also ~ shopping the grocery store around the outside isles keeps you in "real food".

Beautiful day here. I love late summer. I hope you all are well, happy and having a great new day!

[FallenAngel]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

KateH1;381426 wrote: Staying here long term "drinking and fishing for sympathy", flat out pisses me off!

I couldn't agree more Kate. Thank you for that.

[LVT25]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Hi everybody.

Just checking in. While the green light is on. Internet was working almost like normal Sunday and yesterday, now this morning I'm having trouble again. Of course no one has contacted me about coming to fix it. He was supposed to be here Friday. I'm going to see if someone else can help me.

I decided last night I need to get my copy of "Co-Dependent No More" dusted off and read it again. Twenty five years ago it was my "Bible". I know some don't like the terminology. But it describes me to a "T". I wish I (my feelings) wasn't so dependent on what others say and/or do. I wish I could go about my sober business, doing the best that I can.....now wait, why does it have to be my best??? Why do almost all of my thought processes involve "how will this affect hubby"? Will he be happy, mad, grumpy, proud, glad????? Why can't I go about my day, doing what I want to do, and not expect negative reactions if it's not what I "should" do. Some of this is in my own "co-dependent" mind, some of it is a trained response, if you know what I mean.? Can I ever be totally happy and comfortable and relaxed??? Will I always be tense, irritable and sensitive? Can I have more good days than bad--that aren't dependent on how someone else is??

Does the now sober wife of a drinking spouse most generally feel this way?? Will prayer/meditation help this??

Does any of this make sense?? Maybe when I re-read the book it will help. I don't think there are enough supplements in the universe to help me!!!

[Determinator]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

LVT I think you summed it up quite well when you posted: Some of this is in my own "co-dependent" mind, some of it is a trained response

my two cents is that this can not be wished or hoped away but you can 'learn' your way through this with some mental development exercises. Being conscious of how you feel is perhaps the best way to dispel "unconscious reactions" of all kinds. I would recommend " A new Earth" by Eckhart Tolle...it's fabulous food for thought and growth.

[LVT25]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Thanks Det, I truly appreciate your input. I think you are right--that's what I'm wanting--to change the way I react. I already know I can't change him--don't want to.
You know, I borrowed that book because everyone was talking about it, but I just could not get into it, so I gave it back. I spent an hour digging in my storage "room" under the stairs for my C.D.N.M. book, finally found it--under the AA Big book. Hmmmm, someone trying to tell me something??
Thanks again.:h

[Beck]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Hi LVT,

I read this earlier and was at a loss as to how to respond. What I am trying to do is to go about my sober business the best way I can - which for me is shifting some of the focus from taking care of others to taking care of myself. I think that will make me happier and less resentful that my stuff always gets last priority. If I am happier, then my relationship with my husband should improve. That's the theory anyway, will let you know how it works out

[Determinator]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Beck makes sense to me...you came to a self help website to....help your "self" afterall!

and todays lesson is.... Don't be like the guy in this video:


[ame=

]YouTube - Drunk Redneck knocks him self out[/ame]

[livingfree]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

wow Det ~ His teeth (or lack of them) make me realize how alcohol "enhances" everything about us ......... That means if we are an ass to begin with .... JUST GIVE ME A BEER!! :nutso:

LVT - maybe you want to go back and read the posts from about March when so many of us were at that 60 day mark. It was an "intense" time in all of our lives. It really does work it's self out .... Just do not temp fate and have to keep repeating the steps. Once you get a little more time away from the insanity ... the co dependent work begins. It really does take time - but time is what we have and we can spend it well.

Live on -- keep moving forward -- you can do this!!

Hello Beck, MWO2, Kate, fallen, WW and all who show up here!! Thankful where are you??

[LVT25]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Wheww, I've just managed to spend about 45 minutes reading this thread. I am ready for page 15. It is so cool, it is like reading a good book, I can't put it down!
WW, Believe, Thankful, Bootcampbarbie, Living free, KateH1, Meditation Mama, Myra, Tired of Hiding--all the characters. Right now "they" are all about 60 days quit.
Right now I need to do some stuff outside, but it will be hard to stay away until I get all caught up on this saga!
Still a challenge since my repairman has not shown up yet to fix Internet!
Thanks for the advice Liv!

[Determinator]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

driving in Vegas yesterday I saw a billboard that caught my eye:

"Vacation in a cup....99 cent margaritas"

LOL

LVT, if your repairman doesn't show just call Al Gore. hahahahaha.

sorry...running a slight fever here.

[Thankful]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Hi, everyone. Please forgive the fact that I have not yet taken the time to read all that I have missed. But please know that I will. This is the one thread I feel like people really care and in turn I care so much for all of you. I will get caught up on your posts asap. I promise.

Been real busy lately. Spent all of last week closing every store within a 30 mile radius of my house shopping for my niece. I took her to upstate NY Tuesday (college) and had to say goodbye to that precious baby girl yesterday. I can not stop crying. I feel like I have been crying for 24 hrs straight. Stupid, huh? Don?t get me wrong because I am so incredibly happy for her. But that little girl (young lady) was my life and I feel like I have lost my best friend. It?s going to take a long time to figure out what to do with myself.
My life has been on hold for 18 yrs, and I am suffering from empty nest syndrome that no book or lecture could have prepared me for. In all that time, I have never been separated longer than a week from her and she was only 1 at the time. It wouldn?t be so bad if I could afford to visit her when ever I wanted, but it looks like I may not see her until Thanksgiving and we are not even sure about that yet.

I had a long 8 hour ride home by myself today and shit that was way too much time to think. Here I am 8 months sober and I never wanted a drink so bad in all that time, like I have wanted one today. And the sick part was wanting one all started around 10:00 am. I could talk myself out of it, but it really hit again around 1:30 and those nasty thoughts of ?who would even know if I stopped off somewhere hmmmm??. Then I got disgusted with myself and thought I would know. And the thought faded. Today was the biggest test I have had since about day 3.

I feel so foolish, because I am not the first person to talk a child to school and I won?t be the last. But I have never had anything hurt the way my heart is hurting now. I can?t believe there is an actual physical ache.

I have to spend tomorrow shopping for my Irish Family (huge drinkers!) reunion to be held on Saturday and I don?t want to go. Of course it?s a ?have to go? situation, because I got stuck hosting it again this year. I have been building up too much resentment lately at having to go. I just want to stay home and have the quiet little nervous breakdown that I think I have earned. I am so tired of taking care of everyone and everything. I need a fucking break.

Between the really tough week I had here a couple of weeks ago and dealing with my niece leaving I have made myself sick with my nerves. I will bounce back, it?s what I do. But I have never felt as lost as I do at this moment.

I love you all. Thanks for always being there to let me vent. I feel like I have no where else to turn.

Love, Me
:l

[Beck]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Thankful,

I am sorry that this separation is so difficult. There is nothing stupid about it. It is painful saying goodbye to someone you love. It is tough stuff. (I got upset a few weeks ago realizing that I really only have my family together for 3 more years.) There is really nothing that I can say that will make it better. We are all here for you.

Good for you for resisting AL's call today. I know tough it is when your brain starts telling you that no one would have to know. Been there and handled it like you did.

Next year you are going to be so strong and assertive that you are not even going to that reunion, much less hosting it.

I'd offer to go to chat tonight but I have no privacy. PM me if you want to talk.

Much love,

[A Work in Progress]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Hey, Thankful. I am so glad you came her to vent, and that you didn't drink over this. I cannot really imagine the grief and loneliness you are feeling right now, and I salute you for letting this girl of yours go freely into this next big step in her life, as she needed to do, and as you had to do, because you love her.

As to an Irish family drinking party/reunion/thing... as one who came from her own hard-drinking Irish relatives, I say that I'd rather have major surgery than attend, much less host, such a festive event! May it pass by quickly and without doing any more damage that absolutely necessary, to you and yours!

wip

[mwo2]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

Oh, Thankful..that is so hard.. I am glad that you came here to let us know. And you did great not letting al get in with your sadness..and Sadness it is, but joy also, what a great job you must have done for her to be secure to go on with the next phase of her life. She must be so grateful and filled with love from you...

Beck - I have had my brain niggle at what it will be like when my kids are gone, but try not to go there I do have alot more time... my kids are 7th, 6th and 5th grade lol.... I do think aside from needing to be al free now for them and for me, I really did get a scare thinking about what an ugly scene it would be for me if I was a lonely old drunk woman after I didnt have them at home...so in a way it is me getting strong with their help before they are gone !

LTV - I too have that co-dependent thing...I know I do... I need to get on it and fix that issue because without al it is more noticable to me.. I don't have the hubby, but I do have the concerns of what will people think, is this going to upset anyone.. uggh

Well I will try to catch up with everyone tomorrow, music in the park tonight....Blues/Jazz....

Love having my kids home, but they are cutting into my mwo time, lol... feels good to me..

Hope everyone is doing well....

mwo2

I am 54 days AF !!

[livingfree]

Day 31 and Beyond: Hello, I'm a non-drinker

The storm will subside

Thankful - I am so glad you brought this HERE. You are NOT alone in these feelings. I will NEVER forget leaving my daughter 5 1/2 hours from home at college. With my Son - he is only 1 hour away and I went through it all over again. NOW - I am with my daughter this weekend (well -- I'm taking a class too, but between the two). She is moving to Boston on Tuesday. She just graduated from college this spring and I thought I was done LETTING GO. Now she is moving 1/2 way across the country from me. :upset: I am experiencing so many mixed emotions. I know exactly how you feel. It is not foolish or out of control. IT"S LOVE.

As far as the urges - they are normal when you feel so much stress. JUST DON"T ACT on them. Look at them as an emotional springboard to take you to a new level. Facing our fears and emotions without alcohol is still new ground for us everytime something NEW comes up in our lives. This will strengthen your relationship with her. She will be so proud to know you are standing firm in this storm. The strom will subside and calmer days are ahead. Cry. Just cry sweetie. Tears are so good right now. Let it out and mourn the "change" in your life and relationship with her. I promise you that this change in her life will only make you closer. Your relationship will grow into one of adult to adult. You will LOVE what lies ahead in these changes with her. Don't go back to dealing with this change with alcohol. You will miss the amazing things that are going to happen THRU this.

I love you so - and hold you near and dear in my heart. I totally know and understand what you are feeling. You are NOT alone.

My hugs reach across the miles. My little girl is moving your direction and it does my heart good to know you are only a few hours from HER!! Crazy isn't it.

I love you so