I'm sorry

[lukalee]

I'm sorry

Candlewick, we all reach out in different ways. The people here are truly remarkable.

[paula]

I'm sorry

You sound more cheerful now Bella, Candle, it takes a strong person to own up. We all say and do things while under the influence, your lucky to remember that you did it, had
it been me I would have been in a blackout.
Paula.

[candlewick]

I'm sorry

Dear all,

I really didn't ever intend coming here again. I only did so to check if Bella and Betty were ok.

I've been moved beyond words by everyone's reactions, I even had a couple of pms that unlike mine, were so supprtive and kind.

I do have a lot of anger issues to deal with, and I know that I have to work through them constructively. I lashed out because I feel so helpless. I'm not angry at anyone else, just myself.

I wish I was always the nice person that I am when I am sober. When I'm drunk I turn into a monster. I do things and say things that are just so awful. I get so confused about the "real me". Am I the good sober me, or does the real me come out when I drink.

I don't want to live like this anymore, I have hurt friends and loved ones, and now I even seek out cyber people to hurt.

c

[paula]

I'm sorry

Candle, we all react differently when drinking. You have apologised, that is the end of it.
We all have various issues to deal with and people on this site will give all the support you need.
Paula.

[Choicemood]

I'm sorry

Candle,

We are all here to help, learn, vent and listen.
I am a newbie and have really enjoyed being able to just read other posts or vent when needed. Its so nice that everyone hear is so understanding and lovely, the support is fantastic.
I hope you do stick around and join in.

You'll love it
Good Luck & ODAT

Choice xx

[skygal12]

I'm sorry

candlewick;270033 wrote:

I wish I was always the nice person that I am when I am sober. When I'm drunk I turn into a monster. I do things and say things that are just so awful. I get so confused about the "real me". Am I the good sober me, or does the real me come out when I drink.

I don't want to live like this anymore, I have hurt friends and loved ones, and now I even seek out cyber people to hurt.

c

Candle,
I am the same. I have been through counseling, misdiagnosed as bipolar (and put on lithium and all sorts of other drugs for one year), diagnosed with food allergies, etc... only to find out that it is really the AL that has done this to me. I have REALLY hurt the people around me when drinking. Some of my friends have not talked to me for a year or more because of what I have said or done to them while drunk.

I have gone on forums that, when sober, I have had a great time chatting and conversing with people, but have totally destroyed my chances of ever going back because of course I decided to get wasted and went on them and blasted everyone on them, not even remembering that I did it. Only to wake up the next morning and read what I had written, so ashamed, barely able to live with myself.

Please do not feel alone in this. Follow the program - If you aren't already, take the supps and if you can, the topomax. It has REALLY helped me to slow down the drinking AND has reduced the anger/behavioral problems.... If you want to talk, PM me.

Peace.

[lorisunshine]

I'm sorry

Bella, please do not internalize this. We appreciate your honest posts and we try to help where we can and so would you. This came from a person typing under the influence - it was Al talking.

Candlewick, you more than ever need to be hanging around to get some help and perspective. If you are hurting and we all are at some time or another, tell us about it without attack, blame, fingerpointing or whatever else your anger might provoke you to say. There are a lot of wise, gentle souls here whom you can learn a lot from, as I have.

End of story.
Namaste.
Lori

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

I'm sorry

I think the person who was thoughtless is the person that sent a nasty PM to a young depressed Mother. Haven't they ever heard of Post Partum Depression? Hey maybe it was Tom Cruise that sent it, LOL! Just trying to cheer you up Bella, please take good care of yourself, there is NOTHING wrong with your posts, we all love you here!

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

I'm sorry

Oooops I see I posted my reply too quickly. I have now read all the replies. All I can say is Candlewick is showing a lot of character for owning up to it so the right thing to do is forgive & move on.

Candle, Bella was really really hurting, please find a counselor to help you. I know I'm going to mine tomorrow :l

[Victory]

I'm sorry

Thank you both for teaching me today

Bella you are an amazingly kind person and candle dear you are very brave. Don?t either of you leave because you both just taught me 2 big lessons. Thank you.
:h :h :h

[StraightLines]

I'm sorry

Bella and Betty I hope you guys are both ok, must of been a bit of a rude shock.

BUT - Candlewick, I applaud you for owning up and being so honest. You are obviously hurting, a lot, to do something like that and maybe those words you used are things that you feel personally about your own life? Alcohol is just a bastard in disguise huh.
Please stick around and work out your demons via this forum, look after yourself.

[tea]

I'm sorry

Hands up anyone who has not done something despicable while drunk....... Bella and Betty, I know it was you two who were on the receiving end BUT 'there but for the Grace of God go I', you are both strong and well loved members and I hope you can get over this incident. Candle, you have apologised and shown your remorse, please can we forgive and support. Yes this has taught me a lesson too, I will try now to think before I speak as I too can be so hurtful and I know that I use hurtful words as a defence not really caring about feelings but when on the receiving end I fall to pieces, words really do hurt more....

Love and respect to you all.

Lx

[Guest]

I'm sorry

Stick around candle and give yourself a fighting chance to beat the booze. I despaired of my situation when first I came to M.W.O. My despair is long gone, thanks to all the wonderful love and support I found here........the same love and support that is being offered to you now. Stop hating yourself and begin to learn how to love yourself.........the good within you when not under the influence is the person you truly are. :l

Wishing you love and strength.

Starlight Impress x

[Lotus]

I'm sorry

Hi Bella
Hope you are well.

Candle.....just want to say you were brave to come out and admit that it was you. Ok not the best start but we are humans and make mistakes. After being AF I feel that the real me is without the drink. Try and stick around. We are a supportive and will try all we can to help each other out.