I just can't do it!

[Bella]

Hello there.

I have been looking on the internet for counselling services. Ive read all the profiles and i just can't bring myself to do it! I can't just go and do it! My dad gave me a number a while back of a counseller his friend uses and its in my area, been thinking about ringing it. I'm just too scared. I don't know what to say and they don't know my history. I will have to explain everything to them and i don't know where to start. Help! LOL Sorry...just thinking what an idiot i am. When it comes to the crunch, i'm too chicken-shit!

Has anyone else had this fear? How do i over-come it. I'm just not quite brave enough. thanks

Bella xx

[Pisces]

I just can't do it!

I think for me the crunch came when I hit rock bottom (again) and just got sick of trying to manage my problems alone.

I had had enough and was willing to do anything that would help, so I poured my heart out to a doctor who I was seeing for the first time, and luckily for me he referred me to a phyciatrist at the local hospital.

That was six months ago, and although I'm not 'cured', I have come such a long way, I drink a hell of a lot less, but more importantly I'm getting to the bottom of my emotional problems that for me led to my using alcohol as a crutch, my escape, and my coping tool.

Now I have a drink to enjoy a drink and not to wipe myself out.

I'm so thankful I took this step, my life is so much better and I feel so much better within myself, and people around me are noticing how much happier I've become.

Hope this helps!

Love Jas

[greeneyes]

I just can't do it!

Bella, you don't have to know what to say. The counselor is a trained individual and will guide you along.

[janka]

I just can't do it!

Hi Bella, I used to sound just like you, particulary because I have had such an embarrassing history that included two hospitalizations. I was absolutely terrified of seeking help. Well ... guess what ... I did it. Therapists have heard all kinds of stories before, probably some pretty horrible ones, which makes mine pale in comparison. I go see the therapist "as needed," and sometimes it really helps. I also have a psychiatrist who prescribes medication anti-anxiety medication and anti-depressants, and she has been truly helpful too. I feel much better for that and also for finding this website (the hospitalizations were an awful scare and not really helpful), and now I am 130 days af and do not suffer the crippling anxiety and depression that found me in such a horrible state over 4-5 months ago. So, make the call, you have nothing to fear and maybe you will feel better like I do. Much luck and take good care, j

[Accountable for Me]

I just can't do it!

I understand your fear, Bella. Just as the other's have said already, the therapist probably has heard it all and nothing you say is going to shock them.

I had a phobia of phoning doctor's in my past. Once I did, it was the best thing I had ever done. Although I am still on a wait list to see a therapist... they are in high demand here - so that has to tell you something. This has been since August!

It will be the best thing you can do for yourself. They are there to help. As green eyes has said, you don't have to tell your life story over the phone and they are trained to ease you into these sessions.

You have nothing to loose and so much to gain. Sending you strength!

[tea]

I just can't do it!

Hi Bella, I know what you mean by 'where do I start', I feel that way when I have to attend my general practitioner for anything at all, I also find that this 12 year old girl voice coming out of my mouth (lol). What about writing down how you feel and how you want to start the session and giving it to the therapist to read so they would know what you are feeling just for the first session or so? Just a thought. Good luck.

Lx

[Prest4time]

I just can't do it!

Bella,

I too was terrified about this time last year, but had been referred to a counselor who was really good. Mine encompassed my alcohol struggle, marriage issues, the whole gammet. Somehow we feel we are going to "shock" them, but when I spilled my guts the first thing she told me was "You know that your drinking is not the root issue --- it is just a symptom of something deeper, so lets try to get to the root and I believe the alcohol issue will begin to resolve on its own." WOW! That was NOT what I expected, but I breathed such a sigh of relief. Amazingly, she told me that about 40% of the women who see her for all different reasons, also struggle with addiction on some level and that we all "think" we are alone, but she said I would be shocked if I knew how many there are. She was so encouraging and I started seeing her last April and after a few months I couldnt believe the changes in my outlook, my marriage and my ability to moderate. No - I am not cured from my struggle with alcohol, but I can tell you that I am a whole lot better than I was nine months ago. Dont be afraid to go at all. And if you dont feel comfortable with him/ her, then dont hesitate to find another one that you do. Word of mouth is a great way to find a good one.

Best wishes to you, and I will say also, that part of what holds us back is pride. If you truly want to be the best mother and the best friend to yourself, you will pick up the phone and call.

All the best!
P4T

[beatle]

I just can't do it!

I agree that it could be a good thing, maybe the best thing you've ever done for yourself. Maybe the thing you MUST do to get well...

...but just be warned, many (including myself) have had unhappy experiences with therapists. I've been told over and over again that it can take a while to find a good match. Well, I never have found that (except my husband-- but he's not exactly objective, plus he doesn't have an hour to sit down with me and listen to me wail).

So, if you do decide to take this route (and I do believe you should), then be prepared for the possibility of disappointment at first.

That said, millions have benefited greatly from therapy, a good number of them will swear it saved their lives.

I wish you the best-- who knows, maybe you'll hit it right on the first try! (And maybe I'm just so ornery that I'll never find a therapist I like!).

[Cinders]

I just can't do it!

Bella,

I don't know about the UK but in the "States" a lot of counselors are "recovering" themselves.

Is there anyway you can find a counselor that is an ex-alcoholic? (Okay, use the term recovering alcoholic, whatever...)

My current shrink is not, but I have worked with a few when I was in rehab that were and it was a great relief to deal with people who truly knew what I was dealing with.

I like my current shrink because she worked in rehab for many years without being an alcoholic herself, which means she has no "heart" when it comes to being a drunk. She knows we can beat this and just wants me to beat this. She is a truly nice person.... but is a "hardass" because she knows it takes hard work, effort and dedication.

Find someone you can be "comfortable" with without being TOO comfortable. Understand?

Love,
Cindi

[nattie]

I just can't do it!

Hi Bella

I agree with Cindi - trying to find one who is a recovering alcoholic is a good idea.

I have been seeing someone since September who has worked for NHS local authorities, in treatment centres, drop in centres & does work from his home too. Maybe a London centre may be able to provide you with a list of counsellers you could look at?

The counselling itself is Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and it has been a godsend for me.

I would say another thing too in that it may not be a quick thing. I will be going for a year (at least ) once a week every week. I pay for it myself as this means I am able to go 8-9pm which I could not do on the NHS.

Now I have got to know him I actually look forward to having someone to talk to who will judge me fairly, not side with me because they are related & help me work through some of the things I dont cope well with.

You do need someone "tough" though. I went to a very nice lady previously but just fed her the lines I thought we both wanted to hear ......and paid her for the privelage of my fabrications too !!

I really hope you can find someone you can click with & I wish you all the best.

Love
Nattie
x

[Niblet]

I just can't do it!

Bella, I just want you to know that you are not alone in this... Take the help if not for you, then your children... These compassionate people only want what is best for you and your family... Grab onto the rope that will be thrown to you.. All the best xxx

[Lucy Van Pelt]

I just can't do it!

Hi Bella-

I too struggle with seeing someone for counseling, but for a different reason than you! I am a psychologist. How stupid that I would feel this way!!! Let me tell you why though. For me, it is all ego. I guess I have this DUMB idea that because of my profession, I should not have issues....stupid, stupid, stupid. I also worry about who would I see...my collegue who knows me professionally??? NO WAY!

I WILL tell you though, that as a shrink, when I have heard stories from others, not too much shocks me, and I do not feel judgemental at all! I promise, if you do seek help, nothing you have to say will suprise your counselor, and as a trained professional, they will know the questions to ask. It really can be incredibly helpful. I also agree with others who suggest seeing someone specialized in addiction (which usually means they are "recovering" themselves).

If you want help on how to locate someone like this...or if I can help answer your questions, feel free to pm me. Oh, and the cost is five cents a question (I am lucy van pelt you know) LOL

With love,

Beth

[Finding My Self]

I just can't do it!

Hi Bella - you know the saying....? "When the student is ready, the teacher appears..." and I so believe that around counsellors/therapists (friends/MWO's!!!!)

The right person is waiting for you, even if behind another that doesn't seem right....don't be put off.....and a good one will just sit there with you for ages, days if needs be until you find a tiny voice.....not like the old 'shrinks' in the movies, just peaceful and quiet....chat about the weather if they want to....

Howz about Co-counselling? That's where I started and the day that lady walked into that room to join me, it was the day everything began to turn around....years ago, but where I would be without her having been My Angel of the Day, I do not know. She just chatted - it was lovely.

Don't be too scared - as in, it's understandable to be scared - feels like once the cork is out, God knows what will follow doesn't it?! But it'll be ok - no one's got drowned in the flow yet!!

We're all here to support you Bella - go for it.....The Journey of a Thousand Miles begins with One Step....just one tiny step at a time...

Hugs
FMS xx

[Bella]

I just can't do it!

thankyou. there is alot of good advice here. I need to find someone who specialises in addictions. I didnt even think of that! Doh! I will get on the case. thankyou...you fantastic people...X

[wimpey]

I just can't do it!

Hi Bella,

Just thought Id say, firstly you have to try and be calm......most of the time when you have made the step to talk and get help......it is easier to make contact with strangers because they are totally without any knowledge of you as a person......that makes it easier to be totally impartial.......secondly as people have already said, you wont shock them.....they are prepared for anything that you mignt need to discuss.........

Be strong, hold your head up and make the call......please

W x

W x