Alcohol abuse and the connection to a partner who also drinks?

[Maddie]

How many of you share a relationship with someone who drinks or has drunk large amounts at some time? I never used to drink when i was younger, i quickly learned that i couldn't handle alcohol and spent a large majority of my teens and 20's avoiding it... then at a ripe old age of 29 i met and married my husband who was an alcoholic, not that i knew that at the time. His drinking subsided for many years until we started having a few issues and then it skyrocked and well so did mine. It was always around and become nothing to have a bottle of wine over dinner. During the last 6 months of last year we faced a few tough battles and he was drinking morning noon and night, the big bang came and i said if you don't do something about it i'm gone, go away and work it out.. he did, but as soon as he left i found myself drinking to excess and after a few weeks struggled to tame it down... now 3 months later i'm much more in control a few glasses a day (weekdays) weekends are more. I find it interesting of the connection between the two.. did the relationship and my association with him and the increase in consumption by association build up by body's desire for it or did it always exist and would come out sooner or later any way??

[Accountable for Me]

Alcohol abuse and the connection to a partner who also drinks?

:welcome: maddie!

Alcohol consumption kind of 'just' creeps up on you especially when you are going through a tough time in life and using it as a crutch. It is hard to say. You could of been already prone to alcoholism.... and unleashed the beast when drinking with your spouse.

The most important thing is that you recognize you have a problem with it and you are here. I am sure others will have more insight than I do on this. I know what it is like to have an alcoholic spouse, but I also know I am one as well.

Finding this place has done wonders for me. I am certain it can do wonders for you too, if you choose to work the program.

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Alcohol abuse and the connection to a partner who also drinks?

Maddie~ welcome... nurture or nature? My opinion is that alcoholism is in your blood, and that life experiences can make the disease balloon.... my husband also drinks, but he's much more controlled. If your husband drinks, and all of a sudden, you have a drinking buddy~ sure, that can happen... but on the other hand, if your husband doesn't drink and you want to, then you drink when he's not around (during the day, when he's out of town)....

I think it's more biological. Within my family, out of 7 kids, I'd say that 4 of us can't control it, and the other 3 can manage better.... while I've certainly had my share of grief in my life, I'm in an awesome place right now- solid, stable family, loving husband, lots of laughs!
When I drink, I'm not drinking "to forget some horrible experience"- I just want to party! :nutso: But (sigh).... the "off" switch in my brain appears to me malfunctioning right now, and the only thing it's good for is dimming my memory, so until I fix that off switch, I have to cool it.

[tea]

Alcohol abuse and the connection to a partner who also drinks?

Hi Maddie, there has been threads about this before and we are a divided bunch on this one. I truly believe I was born with alcoholic genes so to speak or okay an addictive gene then. I didn't drink seriously until I 'found' a drinking partner(s), both my first and second husbands fulfilled that role. I do not know where or what gutter I would now be lying in if I hadn't found this site and that really is the truth. I am sober now, approximately two months af which is a record for me and I am jumping with joy at myself, I am just at the age of 44 truly liking myself.

Lx

[hart]

Alcohol abuse and the connection to a partner who also drinks?

(((Maddie)))

My mother was an alcoholic. And I drank somewhat with my first husband, mostly on weekends, and not every weekend. Since marrying Joe (and before we married) I do drink to excess. Joe has sabotaged me at times, and me him. We both falter easily. Last nite I did say please don't get me beer. And he didn't. But then went to bed at 7pm. So he's using alcohol because he's depressed, which we know adds to the problem. Me I use it to surpress many emotions. But I'm 45 two and too old to do this dumbass shit w/o consquences.

I am an alcoholic, as is my hubby. Were we born that way..........I don't know. Just know it's a fact for me and him and whatever the reason, the fact remains.

It is dang harder w/an alcoholic hubby, but that's HIS choice, one has to make YOUR choice. Good luck hon. :l

[anxious]

Alcohol abuse and the connection to a partner who also drinks?

Maddie,

I also am 42, perimenopausal and have genetic predisposition to alcoholism. I met my drinking buddy 24 years ago and every weekend from thurs thru sunday we would drink at first normally, now way too much. I have no willpower when he comes home. He is also an alcoholic but doesn't blackout. So he doesn't think he has a problem. BTW I do not pass out always just when my blood sugar is low and I drink something with say juice in it. Or straight as in martini again usually its b-4 dinner. I hate myself for not having control over this and cant wait for my kudzu. I hate this and don't want to hate me. We are going thru personal stuff too and it's a difficult time in our lives. We are both really good people but he's from new york and harsh and critical, and I'm very sensitive and don't do criticism well. So your view is correct in my opinion if your spouse drinks too it does make it more difficult especially if your trying to numb some stuff.
:l :h

[southernbelle47]

Alcohol abuse and the connection to a partner who also drinks?

I so agree.....it's hard to quit when you live with an everyday drinker.
As far as the "you're too sensitive" and "criticism" thing...I've had to grow some really thick skin and let it roll right off. Some days I'm better at this than others. Its just too much energy wasted. Walk away and find something to do that you like...a bath or the cd's or both together with the door locked of course.

The tone of voice and body language of a person who has been drinking "speaks" much louder than the words said. (

Nancy

[Bashley]

Alcohol abuse and the connection to a partner who also drinks?

Just Agreeing with you

All my partners(wives & girlfriends) are and remain alcoholics. Men too, the difference is that they seem to handle it - we can't.

[cowgal]

Alcohol abuse and the connection to a partner who also drinks?

hard

I find it EXTREMELY difficult to stay quit while living w/ hubby, but this time I am going to really try..........ha got smashed last night while I was at yoga, the night before while I was at a meeting...........tonight he probably will drink, by GOD it's Friday!!??

It is difficult, but you have to do it for you, by you, not depend on the other person............

Hope I can practice what I preach!!ray:

love,:h:h

Mary Anne

[4theboyz]

Alcohol abuse and the connection to a partner who also drinks?

Hi Maddie,

Genes may have their role, but I believe it has more to do with how we are “taught” to cope and behave with life’s issues by our parents and significant others. As a child in a large family, close comfort from my mom was at a premium reserved for those critical moments the rest of the time I was on my own. I sucked my thumb and had my blanky for security and comfort but that is eventually taken away as we grow up. That need to be comforted still exists and without suitable coping mechanisms, we improvise.

Alcohol is popular and accepted the world over. It is relatively cheap readily available and *never* fails to deliver in it’s ability to make the worst of our moments tolerable and good days even seem great again. The biggest problem with alcohol is it’s effects are so powerful and worse they linger for hours and days. That’s where it does it’s damage. Under it’s influence we are forced to deal with our other day to day responsibilities and in many cases we avoid them all together. Now the problems just get bigger and whose fault is that? Is it the alcohol? Is it our mates? No I believe it is our lack of effective coping skills. I am successful at my career but suck at anger management. Type A all the way. Al did a fantastic job at giving me stellar anger skills and any time I tried to "manage" that anger with AL in my system usually made matters worse. I have other issues as well that AL has been flawless at helping me avoid. Can’t do it any longer, so for me it time to face the music, pick up the pieces and make a better go of it all and I hope you can too.

Just my $.02 :cents:

[maasai]

Alcohol abuse and the connection to a partner who also drinks?

i was brought up in an alcoholics family, where everyday was fights arguments and i thought that, maybe i was born an acoholic already but i have been reading and asked lots of question and non really left me with satisfactions till i thought maybe i just adjusted to the current sorrounding then the way our bodies adopt the enviroment normally and after that i continued drinking since i needed to keep things the way they were then. I DONT REALLY KNOW????????