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    #1

    Not 21 anymore

    So ....................
    Hi Everyone.
    Today I decided to look into outside help rather than kid myself I am handling it.
    I have been drinking for 6 years, since my 21st (HEAVILY)MAGNUM BTL OF RED EVERYDAY.
    I recently started to try and take control. No BOOZE in the house prob. drank in public 10 times since Oct. 2
    The tenth time is why I 'm here. Friday night started with a double, went into shots and into a fight that turned violent against the most wonderful man I have ever known and directly from that into a blackout of all blackouts. I have never been a violent drunk and my soon to be (hopefully) Live in fiancee had to regail the events of the evening to me on Sat. morning. Including striking and scratching him and countless statements of hurtful content towards him. What kind of selfish fool am I to think I can control this? This wasn't the first time, just the worst. I can't even tell all of it, so awful. I want to stop having it be the thing I am known for.................
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    #2
    Not 21 anymore

    :welcome: Lioness. You will find a lot of support and advice here!
    Sometimes I wonder...."Why is that frisbee getting bigger?"...and then it hits me.

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      #3
      Not 21 anymore

      Welcome, Lioness.
      Many of us have walked in those same shoes.... take some time to read and get ready... wanting to change is the most important step, and you've already taken it. Stay close by :heart:!

      Patty
      Tampa, FL

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        #4
        Not 21 anymore

        Hi Lioness and welcome,

        You will find a lot of support and help here. Many of us have said terrible things to those we love and some of us have also been violent. AL does a lot of bad things to us.

        Read the book, consider the supplements and keep posting. Things will get better.

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          #5
          Not 21 anymore

          :welcome: Hi Lioness! There are a lot of similar stories to yours here. We are here to support you , and this is a great place, no judgement.
          :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

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            #6
            Not 21 anymore

            Oh Lioness.... I can only imagine how bad and lost you must feel right now. You recognize you have a drinking problem. In order to help get a grip on it, admit this to your fiance. Tell him you are aware you have a drinking problem and are sincerely sorry for the verbal and physical pain you have caused him. If you are serious about quitting drinking, tell him this. Ask him to be there for you. Prove to him that you are serious that you not only love him, but that you love yourself. If your fiance believes in you and is willing to give you another chance, you must run with it. Men are forgiving, but they can only take so much. If he perceives your drinking is going to get in the way of a "happy life ever after" with you, he might decide to move on. If the shoe was on the other foot, you might think to do the same. I know my words are hard to read, but I'm writing them out of experience. My husband gave me chances time and time again. Each time I was a nasty drunk, he forgave me. There came a point when he said, "Reenie, one more chance and your out". I didn't realize how bad I was hurting myself (guilt, hangovers), but how my drunkeness effected him. To date, I have held on to my promise of not drinking. It's been over 7 months. The past doesn't seem as dismall any more. The hurt and the pain that I caused has healed. My husband has trust and believes in me again. On occassion he says he loves the sober me and can see a ton of changes in me. I see them and feel them too. I want you to know, I hurt for you. I know you are in a lot of pain right now. Time heals all wounds. You just have to have faith in yourself and your relationship. Prove that you can do it. -Reenie
            September 23, 2011

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              #7
              Not 21 anymore

              I'm here with you lioness! The daily drinking is taking such a terrible toll on me in so many ways. I scare myself how much I can drink, started with the half-pints of 100 proof vodka and now I'm downing a full pint a night if I have it. CRAZY! Then I'm passed out by 8 pm wondering what happened to the evening and trying to remember things. I don't want to live like this anymore and this is a great place to get support and lots and lots of info!

              Good luck to you!

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                #8
                Not 21 anymore

                Lioness: Where are you? How are you? Check your personal e-mail account. -Reenie
                September 23, 2011

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