Thick Skin and Innards

[monrose]

Thick Skin and Innards

MWO is designed to help people with Alcohol problems. Whether you are totally Af or are having slips as they call it - this site is for people with Al problems so why would you want to leave?
I think you are still winning being here - you have more AF days since you have joined, you give such warm and strong advice. (Its to our advantage to have you stay)
One day it will happen for you and I hope that it happens for your daughter.
You don't disappoint people when you slip I think its more they are sad because you are sad, they feel your pain. A special place it is here

[maasai]

Thick Skin and Innards

cindi dear,
yes miracles don't just happen, but we can make them happen. you are not a failiure, but there must be something which you have not yet done right or you are not paying attention. you love your people, your friends and you know they are all there for you. i was kicked out of home since all the people would nolonger be able to handle me, dont go there since you still can hold your grip, talk to them open up to them and let them really feel whats happening in you, so that they can start to understand that you have an illness that you cannot promise anything but you can try and work it out.
to me i feel you are under pressure since you find yourself drinking even after promising them that you won't drink again, as an alcoholics i will never tell you that i will never drink again but i will try with all my powers.
you are not alone cindi, we are here we need you all this needs courage and an open mind, you can do it, yes you can.
lots of hugs and love, keep coming back.

[Chief]

Thick Skin and Innards

Come on, Cindi..

Leaving MWO and all of us is a good idea, how???

We all know you have been struggling. We all love you and want to help you beat The Beast...You are not disappointing anyone here. We feel for you and can understand your pain, but we are not disappointed.

You need to get aggressive in battling this. I think Star has a good point about Anabuse. Why not take something that will have a positive impact on achieving your goal? You need something like this to help you..

Aren't you going on the road this week?....

I don't think it's a good idea to cut ties with us, especially if you are going to be traveling, unless you and The Beast are already planning on drinking while you are away and don't want us around, muddying up the waters...

Don't leave, Cindi.....worst thing you could do...

Don

[janka]

Thick Skin and Innards

Hi db2, MWO has been the GREATEST help to me in getting and staying sober. Leaving here for me would be a great mistake. I really think you should reconsider. We all love you and are your greatest supporters and advocates. Please stay ... love, j

[memarcie]

Thick Skin and Innards

db2fromala;273785 wrote: I will be back if I sober up and can be a good support person on the website.

Cindi, the point of MWO isn't only to support others. It is also to get support. Also, I don't think anyone comes here AFTER they have sobered up.

However, it doesn't seem like MWO alone is enough for you. I think you need find some other additional help as well. There are prescriptions options like antabuse or Campral, Inpatient Rehab, IOP, AA. Look at every resource available. I DON'T think you should leave though. Let us help.

Whatever you decide, we want you to get better.

:l

[iowegian]

Thick Skin and Innards

Cindi,

You and I started here around the same time, you a little before me, I think. We both drink the same way - blackouts, total loss of control, etc. We've compared notes on this before. I rarely contribute much because I'm usually drunk or hungover. But today is one week since I last touched a drop of AL, and just hanging out and reading helped me do that. you're are not a failure. I quoted this from a friend once before "We're weebles - we wobble but we don't fall down".

We need you and we love you and want to be here for you. You cannot fail unless you give up.

Morgan

[Thankful]

Thick Skin and Innards

Cindi, if you leave because it's truly what is best for you, then go and be in peace. But if you leave because you think that is whats best for us, then you are sadly mistaken. We are not disappointed in you, hun. We are disappointed for you.

Memarcie's post said it best. Why do you feel the need to leave now, but come back when your better? Why do you think it's ok to give support to those who need it, but not receive it when you need it? Why are we here if it's not to help each other? Let's face it, we don't come here for the recipes or the daily jokes. We come here for the support, inspiration, love and the occassional ass kicking. We come here because we understand each other like no other group on the planet.

I know I have not logged on everyday because all the chat about AL made it hard for me to not be obsessed about it. It's kinda hard reading posts that tell you to try not to think about AL when all the posts are about AL. But......you never know when one of those posts is gonna make something click inside of you. So many have quit just by reading these posts. They found something that "clicked". I pray you will hear your click soon, Cindi.

If you do love the people here, then I ask one favor. If you still choose to leave for awhile, can you please check in once a week. Not a long post, just let us know you are ok. If not, I understand. You and Adrienne will continue to be in my prayers. I wish you all the luck and love in the world.

Love, Me
:l

[retteacher]

Thick Skin and Innards

Cindi: How many times have I slipped in the past 10 months since I've been at MWO? I can't tell you but many. If I didn't have this site to come to multiple times a day (even for a few seconds), I would be much, much worse off. Please rethink staying away. Perhaps you could just read & add a word now & then. The 30 day abs daily thread will not be the same wo/you. This is a disease. It's not about strength. Do what you have to in order to get sober. Please. Love, Mary

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Thick Skin and Innards

db2fromala;273758 wrote: My MWO Friends,

I was told I needed to get some thick skin and innards.
I understand I truly do. I was told this by a dear friend and was told other friends agreed and that they needed to get tough with me. I do fully agree. FULLY!!
Like my family, my friends are tired of my relapses. I am on my own and I know it. I have to be a grown up and I failed at that.
I wish I could say I was sorry, but the sorry is my own. I truly apologize for being such a failure at sobriety but I apologize to myself first and foremost. However, I love all of you, and let you down, too.
If I can stay sober for a while (and I mean a while), I will come back. I hope I do come back!! Love,
Cindi

Cindi~
Happy Sunday! I don't know what happened to cause your dear friend to stand up and say, louder than ever, STOP. Whatever happened, happened. Woulda's, Shoulda's , Coulda's are lurking around every corner, pointing fingers at you....
yep, Cindi, YOU shoulda stopped this, You woulda been better, You coulda if you wanted to... ??? WTF?

Guilt. Moms are masters of it, and as we age, we perfect our skill... It's a great tool, isn't it? When moms can't "make" things happen, we try to guilt them into happening. I called my mom on Valentine's Day (I don't call her very often), and the first thing she said is, "Who died? why are you calling?".... she was just kidding, of course.... but why not say, "Honey, I've missed you! Can you call more often?" And I have to look at me, as a mom... I'm guilty, too, of guilting my children. I think women try to guilt men, but they are more like ducks in a water... and water rolls off a duck's back... they are better at deflecting the guilt. They shrug. "Oh well, sorry honey". Over. Done. Out.

The roles we play in life, as individuals, are multi-faceted. Some of them we choose. Some of them are chosen for us, and we either accept that role, or fight it ....My oldest brother is a successful lawyer and he told me the other day, "I can write decisions for the judge, support my position with reasonable arguments and find case histories to support it... but when I walk into Mom and Dad's house, I feel like I'm a 14 year old again, always trying to please them." When the roles are lock-step with each other, there isn't much conflict in our lives, and so life is easier.... they can all be negative or all be positive, but as long as everyone is on the same same boat, there's smooth sailing. The challenge is to acknowledge what roles exist, and then to change them~ if we want to.

My younger brother and his girlfriend party every night, together, at the local tavern. They think of it as their "Cheers", and both of them drink to oblivion. They are thousands of miles away from me, and until something life-changing happens (DUI, accident, bar fight, health issues), no one is challenging their normal. I've talked to my brother, and since he doesn't like to hear what I say, we don't talk much anymore. Before Adrienne's health deteriorated, people were partying with her, too. Now people are understandably screaming, STOP. They might try the guilt, like your mom tries with you.... "baby, you gotta stop this..." but you've said it yourself that it doesn't work. She'll need to do this for herself~ just like you are trying. Her Way out. Your Way out. Maybe you ladies can do this together. Separate paths, but holding hands. :dancin: I'll pray for that,Cindi.

It's not your Momma's way. Or your friends with the dangling innard's way. It's yours. It's Adrienne's. :heart: I selfishly want you to stay "here" because you are an inspirational life force.
yle="font-size: 14px;"> Cindi, you have a role here~
one that you created, but then one that we created for you, too.
You are Strong. You are like a Sister.
A Mom. A Best Friend.
A Mentor. A Forgiver.
A Cheerleader. :cheering A Leader.
A Soulmate. A Clown.:clown:
A Kindred Spirit. An Inspirational Force.
A Survivor... that's Cindi.
For me, anyway. I look up to you, and think,
"If Cindi can do this, so can I"...

I wonder if your friends have ever met MY Cindi?

I was hoping there was a miracle here and, of course, I have to make my own miracle (i.e. hard word, determination and grit) and haven't and didn't.

Cindi, this is not a personality issue.... it's a bio-chemical one, and one that unfortunately, you share with Adrienne. It's not a question of hard work, determination, or grit, even though they are wonderful traits! It's a question of cells, protons, neurons, synapses, DNA, RNA, genetics. And you're right~ this forum isn't a miracle stepping stone! However... just because you "haven't" made your miracle, and you "didn't" make your own miracle.... well, not yet, my friend. Not yet.

You WILL make your own miracle, Cindi. I have NO doubt in my mind. I would love to be on the sidelines cheering you on, but that's your choice. (see, there's that guilt thing I was talking about !! )

If you need to leave, then go. If you are leaving to please others, then stay.
I, for one, will miss you, but if leaving will help you get your better, then go. Someone asked about Bashley yesterday, and I started reading about his journey. He, too, is a survivor, and based upon what I read, he needed to be here, too~ but then he needed to move on. Bashley used MWO as a stepping stone, and then he kept moving.... can't stay on one stone too long, you know. Do you need to move on?

I love you, Cindi, and I'm here if you need me. PM me if you want to meet~ Alabama is not far, and I got wheels. Much love~
Patty

[Accountable for Me]

Thick Skin and Innards

Cindi, sometimes our closest friends and family can really say things that hurt us most. It can come across as insensitive - but I think they really are scared for you and care.

Stay with us.... You need some where to 'hang your hat'. To speak freely with others.

Antabuse is a great option for someone like yourself. (If you can take it physically). After my slip last Sunday - and it was a DOOOOOOOOOOZY, I went and had a prescrip filled. Started taking it on Thursday - and psychologically - it is helping BIG TIME!!! I know I cannot even tempt the idea.

We all can relate to what you are going through -each and every one of us. There is no judgment here. NONE.

[retteacher]

Thick Skin and Innards

Cindi: Remember what you learned in AA. Alcoholism is a disease...not a character defect or lack of willpower issue. Mary

[nancy]

Thick Skin and Innards

Hi Cindi

I am sorry you are thinking about going. I don't think you need to be a supporting person on this site either. if you need support and are reaching out that is good too. i think it's clear that people who have gotten to the other side like to provide support to those who are still struggling. so don't feel guilty about that.

as some of the people who have written on this thread have said, family and friends probably think that they can make you feel guilty enough that you will stop. i myself don't think that is a great way to get motivated. you need to want this for yourself.

I also don't think it's good for you to continually refer to yourself as a drunk because that could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. i read in one book (how to quit drinking without AA) that there is an alcholic self and a sober self. the sober self is the one seeking solutions and working at this.

Even if you fail a million times, there is still a chance for success in the future. I would advise you to stop thinking of yourself as hopeless drunk and find that person in there who has a life that is under control.

I also agree that trying something like antabuse sounds worthwhile.

take care and please don't drop out of the site!

[YoungAtHeart]

Thick Skin and Innards

Hi Cindi,

I'm pretty much with everyone here. You're not doing us any favors by leaving. If everyone who was messing up left, we would lose a bunch of people. This takes time. I know that Adrienne's problems are putting more pressure on you, and now you feel like you have to be sober and a good example all of the time. It's like having a monkey on your back.

Please let us all help you. You deserve the support and love that we have to give. Don't hide under a rock because you aren't completely sober yet. One day you will be! I just know it.

I hope that you'll reconsider, but I will love you no matter what.

:l :l

[Guest]

Thick Skin and Innards

Cindi, you KNOW how much I hate it when you call yourself a drunk! You are not a drunk, you are a high functioning caring loving woman who has a drinking ISSUE. Just like myself. I have told you most of the month of febuary I have failed daily after nearly a year of doing great. I can't put my finger on my reason, I have a healthy child, a good life, a loving husband. But this month I have failed.Am I going to stop trying, no. Neither are you, even if I have to caravan to Alabama to visit you. Start looking at the beautiful woman you are, and the value you bring to so many.
Lov You
Mar

[satori]

Thick Skin and Innards

Cindi

The only way I could possibly be disappointed is if you left!

Just ..........don't, OK!



Love :h

Satori

XXX