Hi all, this is mostly personal journaling I want to document so I don't expect a response. I also don't mean to put down anyone that intends to mod...if I could mod I'd be doing that right now.
I'll try to be brief.
I've always had a tendency to overdrink since my first drunk episode at age 10. Many folks here fall into the category of 'problem drinker' etc. I am only in my 30's but have had abdominal swelling/pain, multiple-day blackouts, said horrid things to loved ones etc. So I think I'm more in the category of "over achiever super Olympic-class power drinker". I expect to see that term in AMA literatures soon. LOL
I struggled for so long to mod because I didn't know why it was out of my grasp. it was like chasing a hat down the street and accidentally kicking it further away just as you reached down for it. I knew I was killing myself but my left-brain super logical hard head had to know "why" and now I'm sure that is has to do with an article RJ posted here some time ago about a "hyper memory" disorder that our middle (primitive brain) can suffer from. that same middle brain that kept us alive during the time of dinosaurs is having trouble keeping up with todays stimulants. This part of my brain gets the endorphin kick from alcohol and then wants to repeat the function regardless of the consequences. Like an overeater in that regard. I become withdrawn, quiet, depressed and only interested in repeating that primitive function. I'ts as though my middle brain has a short circuit that places alcohol above other survival mechanisms and it totally takes over.
I don't know if this is curable or not.
I do know that I'm mostly happy being AF (nothing is perfect) and that when I drink I'm like a car driving too fast....maybe I'll make it and maybe I won't. A big gamble every time. I have decided to steer my life with my frontal-cortex and disallow myself to be hijacked by a defective portion of my middle brain. Therefore I am a non-drinker. It is very relaxing now to having climbed to the top of this enigma in my life and just get on without the constant anticipation and thought of this toxic alkaloid. Just thinking about it has taxed my mental serenity for decades. I must continue to think about it, just in a different way.
that's it in a nutshell. Hi, I'm Determinator and I don't drink.
I'll try to be brief.
I've always had a tendency to overdrink since my first drunk episode at age 10. Many folks here fall into the category of 'problem drinker' etc. I am only in my 30's but have had abdominal swelling/pain, multiple-day blackouts, said horrid things to loved ones etc. So I think I'm more in the category of "over achiever super Olympic-class power drinker". I expect to see that term in AMA literatures soon. LOL
I struggled for so long to mod because I didn't know why it was out of my grasp. it was like chasing a hat down the street and accidentally kicking it further away just as you reached down for it. I knew I was killing myself but my left-brain super logical hard head had to know "why" and now I'm sure that is has to do with an article RJ posted here some time ago about a "hyper memory" disorder that our middle (primitive brain) can suffer from. that same middle brain that kept us alive during the time of dinosaurs is having trouble keeping up with todays stimulants. This part of my brain gets the endorphin kick from alcohol and then wants to repeat the function regardless of the consequences. Like an overeater in that regard. I become withdrawn, quiet, depressed and only interested in repeating that primitive function. I'ts as though my middle brain has a short circuit that places alcohol above other survival mechanisms and it totally takes over.
I don't know if this is curable or not.
I do know that I'm mostly happy being AF (nothing is perfect) and that when I drink I'm like a car driving too fast....maybe I'll make it and maybe I won't. A big gamble every time. I have decided to steer my life with my frontal-cortex and disallow myself to be hijacked by a defective portion of my middle brain. Therefore I am a non-drinker. It is very relaxing now to having climbed to the top of this enigma in my life and just get on without the constant anticipation and thought of this toxic alkaloid. Just thinking about it has taxed my mental serenity for decades. I must continue to think about it, just in a different way.
that's it in a nutshell. Hi, I'm Determinator and I don't drink.
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