Nine hour meeting -not fun

[Prest4time]

Today my entire family flew in from all over for a day long meeting to decide the fate of my father, who has early onset dementia from chronic alcohol abuse. Fortunately, my uncles have a great sense of humor, and knew ahead of time this would be stressful and made "signs"... literally! Little hand held signs that said, "TMI, STOP, CHILL, OFF TOPIC".... it was hysterical. But they knew the meeting would be tough. My living room was full today of all my family for nine hours.

Meanwhile, my father has no idea my Mom is getting married, and what he has left of his memory thinks they are still married. He misses her. But while he was well and drinking, he was abusive. Financially, it looks like a heavy chunk of the care will fall on me and my husband, and my older brother. Its very, very stressful.

I am not sure why I shared this other than I feel very compelled to share with others in this battle, that one day our children will have a "meeting" without us present to discuss our fate. I personally want to plan for my future and my children so that they do not have to go through what I am going through. My father left us nothing but a demented self, and we now have to figure out how to skim off our children's college funds, our personal savings, etc.

This has been painful, but very thought provoking. I just encourage us all to think long term.... what will the choices we make today affect the outcome twenty years from now. I'm dealing with the twenty year affect of someone who cared first and foremost about his drinking, and forgot about us. Now we as children are paying his tab.

Sorry to whine... better to whine on paper than wine on my own!
Love you guys,
P4T

[lushy]

Nine hour meeting -not fun

Your post struck a deep chord with me. I am sorry you are having to go through this, but thank you for posting it.

[YoungAtHeart]

Nine hour meeting -not fun

I don't think you are "whining" P4T. This is a very sad reality for you to have to face. I think I would feel very resentful in your place, having to dig into my savings for my kids and retirement. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm glad that your uncles provided some levity today.

Blessings and hugs,
:l :l

[Prest4time]

Nine hour meeting -not fun

I do feel resentful. But I feel guilty for feeling resentful. Make sense? I struggle too, and it was really hard hearing "stories" today about how he wound up where he is as a result of alcohol abuse, while I sat here hosting this meeting with my secret struggle.

Its just tough, but I just want to learn and grow as much as I can through this.

[nancy]

Nine hour meeting -not fun

Well, this sounds really hard to deal with Prest4Time.

I think it kind of resonates with me at the moment.

I hope you are able to pitch in together to find a solution.

you are right, that we should think about those who come after us, and I suppose those who are with us if we are in partnerships...

[Deena]

Nine hour meeting -not fun

Thank you Prest4time...I welcome your thoughts as I have children of my own. I do not want them having a "meeting" about me when I'm even older than I am. My secret struggle continues to be a secret, but it's just a matter of time, isn't it?

[memarcie]

Nine hour meeting -not fun

Wow Allie, I understand your feeling resentful, but also guilty for feeling that way.

What a hard day it must have been. Thanks for sharing this. It really makes me think.

[Determinatrix]

Nine hour meeting -not fun

P4T - how stressful! Family tragedies will either tear a family apart or bring them together. I am so glad that your family came together.

Financially, why can't everyone just pitch in a flat percent? That way everyone is contributing within their income.

Come whine with us anytime,
Dx

[Guest]

Nine hour meeting -not fun

Am sorry you have all this on your shoulders Allie, but I really think it makes us appreciate how we should all have our affairs in order for the sake of our children im the event of us becoming seriously ill or indeed leaving this world.

Starlight Impress x

[tlrgs]

Nine hour meeting -not fun

thank you for sharing . and yes i have been thinking about what i can do for my family in case something should happen to me.

[Thankful]

Nine hour meeting -not fun

Dear Prest, I think so many of us can relate to the resentful vs guilty feelings. You can't help it. You are human and you are entitled to your feelings. You must have a very loving and caring husband.

You are in my thoughts and prayers, sweetie. Take care.

Love, Me
:l

[Prest4time]

Nine hour meeting -not fun

Dx,
the reason we cannot just share a flat rate, is because I have a sister who is single and struggling to get through nursing school, and is facing her own battles as to whether to continue to support her grown son, and then my other brother is out of work. Seriously... like applying for state help. My other brother is a doctor, who has taken care of my father for the last three months along with their four children, so they are stressed to the max. So they are asking... who can help? My son is at college.. I have an empty bedroom for the next six weeks until he comes home, but that's it. The unanimous vote is that I am the most qualified to care for him.

Give me a glass of wine. That is how I am dealing with this right now.

I feel stuck.

P4t

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

Nine hour meeting -not fun

Allie,

I'm glad to hear that your uncles came to rally around you, even if it only was for moral support and not financial support....

I'm not a lawyer~ I don't know the ins and outs of elderly care in the USA.... my oldest brother has taken charge of my parent's financial care. Have you checked with people who understand elder care? I'm not sure what type of care you are looking for, but I thought that government assistance was based upon your parent's assets, not the kids.

Thought I'd throw that out there, not that I know the answer. Food for thought.

Anyway, thanks for sharing about your day.... as zany as my family feels, it's reassuring to realize that other families are just as goofy! :H

[nancy]

Nine hour meeting -not fun

rest of the family?

so will the uncles help pay to have him at your place?

[nancy]

Nine hour meeting -not fun

maybe your dad should stay with your brother for now and you could contribute?
also, are ther eoptions for in home care? social services?

This feels like the Savages movie!