I failed...

[Shikakai]

I failed...

Lucy Van Pelt;275328 wrote: So many of us have to "test the waters" to see if we can have just one...

Ok, so now you know! Tomorrow is a new day. You can do this!!

Thanks Lucy and Bald... yea, I found out the HARD way that I can't moderate... *like I didn't know that* but I thought with the supps... oh well... back to AFing and hoping God doesn't penalize me for breaking yet another promise.

I am eternally grateful to each and every one of you.

[Guest]

I failed...

Shikakai.........no worries. No, I`m not going to say all is cool here, `cos we all know a slip is never cool. But let`s look at the situation rationally........I slipped after 5 mths. and pulled myself up sharp and yes, did get right back on the horse and am 5 wks. AF again. Any one of us can slip at any time if we so much as let our guard down for a second.I found it relatively easy to jump right back into AF, `cos like yourself, the slip taught me that I cannot afford to live as I used to, nor do I ever wish to..........I was a downtrodden wreck of a woman when I came here.

In no way have you failed........you enjoyed a full 2 wks AF for goodness sake. So........you are no failure........you have simply learned a valuable lesson that we all have to learn for ourselves, i.e. like myself, you are not made of the stuff that successful moderators are made of., and you will learn to live with that fact.

You`ll be fine........I have every faith in you. Believe in yourself........you did it for 2 wks says you can do this and you know you can.

Now.........chin up.........onwards and upwards!!!! :l

Starlight Impress x

[StraightLines]

I failed...

Ditto to that. THere is no way I can have 'just one'. So instead I'll have just none.

Strength to you Shikakai

[Choicemood]

I failed...

sending you a hug

Shikakai,

Its a horrible feeling when you think you could just have one, and then woops off the rails you go. But i was there last night i came on here saying what a loser i was. But everyone here made me realise we are in this together, whether we slip, mod or are AF.
We'll do this together, all of us.

Good luck and keep strong :l

baby stepsinkele:

choice x

[Thankful]

I failed...

Shikakai, so now you know. Use what you learned as a lesson, not a way too beat yourself up.

You know the drill. Refocus and set out your new plan. Watch out for those triggers. Learn from those as well.

Wishing you the best of luck, hun. You'll make it as long as you keep trying.

Love, Me
:l

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

I failed...

Failed? Nah, this is just a dent in your two week trophy, that's all. :l

But next time, call a cab or something even worse than jail could happen!

[tea]

I failed...

Bless you Shik, you are NOT a failure. You have just stopped me from phoning round my friends to see if I could 'borrow' a bottle of wine - and I haven't touched a drop since Christmas Day, how wierd is THAT? Someone posted earlier about the eclipse of the Moon so I am going to blame that totally. I am so 'with' you here. Hopefully we will both wake up and KNOW that we will NOT want a drink tomorrow.

Love

Lxx

[paula]

I failed...

Shik, I think we have to fall sometimes to appreciate what we are at risk of losing.
I stayed sober for a few years, and then became complacent. I thought maybe I could
have just the one, and many times I would manage to have just the one, but gradually
al started to convince me that I could drink more, and then I was into full blown alcoholism
again. Don't beat yourself up just try to learn from it. Wishing you well.
Love Paula.

[Kirova]

I failed...

I was AF over 3 years and felt the same sort of complacency...and moderation quickly morphed into how I was before going AF (probably worse). Anyway, I'm "back on the bull" and am going to do my damndest not to fall off. But if I do, I'll get back on it again. Because like you, Shikakai, I have to. :h

[poohbear]

I failed...

Just remember this disease NEVER SLEEPS, NEVER RESTS, NEVER EVER TAKES A BREAK, its always lying there waiting, waiting, waiting. I say give it a great big KICK IN THE FACE - there doesn't that feel better?? Now back in the saddle you can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Victory]

I failed...

We are family without the shit

Hi ya shika, please don?t ever be ashamed or embarrassed to come here, we all have had awful slips and more????.. ?We are family? sing that to the song.
You are not back to where you were, ever.
You have moved forward.
We can beat this shit, But it does take time.
Baby steps, baby steps. Never give up dear one.
Victory
:h

[ratana]

I failed...

Hey, Shika,

You are only a failure when you STOP TRYING to succeed.

Believe me, the Kudzu, the L-Glut, the primrose, the hypno... it is all background. Nothing we take is going to solve the problem for us. The solution is going to come from within ourselves and our desire to change our lives. The supps may help, but...hey, I took kudzu and L-Glut and the rest of the supps for two months and listened to the tapes. I am more aware now, and I am cognizant of when I am going offline, but geez, I often just say, oh eff it anyway.

You know how exercise is important? Thanksgiving I signed up to train for a half-marathon. I ran three days a week - I have to say it kept me sober on Saturdays when I knew I had to get up and run a long run the next day - and then I ran the damn 13.1 miles on Feb 3. Took me 2.5 hours in a flippin' hailstorm, you may remember that weather that day in SF. I was really proud of myself and my husband who had coached me and run with me, and all my friends were proud, too. That same day, right after the run, I proceeded to get completely blasted. The exercise, the challenge, the goal, the exhaustion, the meeting of the goal... none of it protected me from myself. I wanted to be protected. But no. So here I am again after six weeks of not posting here. With sore legs, I might add, because I signed up for another damn race.

By the way, if you have never been to an AA meeting, you may want to check it out. I am not particularly a proponent of AA, but I have been to meetings and I do believe that different things work for different people. If nothing else, you can actually see folks who are in our boat, it becomes less a theoretical exercise. If you are not comfortable going to one in your community and you have transpo, go to a meeting in a different town. Or try LifeRing at Home Page of LifeRing Secular Recovery they have meetings and are secular (not deferring to a higher power.) You live where I do, they have a lot of meetings in our area. Or just hang here and keep posting and make a big pot of tea while posting. I dunno. But I do believe that, while there are meds and supps and programs and support networks that can help, it will come down to ourselves. We have this -problem - disease - addiction - syndrome - tendency - whatever it is and we need to face it and ourselves on our own terms. My best to you and... Go Giants.

[LauraAnn]

I failed...

((HUGS)) I hope you feel better soon. We've all been there.

I'll be praying for you.