I am going to hell in a handbag...

[Dreamweaver]

If I don't change my ways...

My mom brought a 20-year-old girl from the shelter over and I was semi-drunk! It is 10:30 am! This girl needed support and encouragement, and I cannot give what I do not have. I feel angry and frustrated at myself. I told her I was getting in the shower and they left.

I think my mom took one look at me and KNEW I was drinking. I hate the look of disappointment from the people that I love.

I don't think that I am a bad person fundamentally, but my actions beg to differ! Is it possible to be a good soul trapped in bad (selfishness, drunkenness) behavior?

I need to change my ways.

I isolate.
I drink.
I cry.
I pray.
I wish.
I hope.

I am grateful for the people here. I am not alone.

[dexterhead]

I am going to hell in a handbag...

Dreamweaver;278339 wrote: Is it possible to be a good soul trapped in bad (selfishness, drunkenness) behavior?

Hell YES!!!!
Perhaps most or all of us here have been that, or still are?
I am still struggling madly myself.
Be kind to yourself Dream. We will fight this !!!!

[betty boop]

I am going to hell in a handbag...

Dreamweaver you certainly are not alone ...........

I remember the looks too, the disappointment etc ........

You CAN do this if you really want to, It's not easy but with the support of the lovely people here it is possible ........

Take care, BB xx

[greeneyes]

I am going to hell in a handbag...

Once after a dinner with guests, my mother whispered in my ear " I worry about how much you drink". I was angry at that. She went to heaven a few year ago. But I recall that moment and knew AL was doing the thinking for me. I turned shame into anger and directed t to her. Oh, the things we do. Where are my BGP?

[Dreamweaver]

I am going to hell in a handbag...

Thank you so much!

It is so much easier to be strong for someone/something else!

If I had a newborn,
If I had a husband,
If I won the lottery,
I could be good!

I want to quit the lies.

I don't think enough of myself to give myself a chance.
I need someone else to see worth in myself
because I cannot!

I will believe in myself, if you can.....

[tlrgs]

I am going to hell in a handbag...

hi there..dream..you can do this if you want to .dont worry about the look your mom give you. she just want te best for you.and yes we all have that good person that want to come out .but doesnt know how .it take time to learn about yourself.you are doing a good job so far. you are here witgh us so do your best and keep on .good luck

[Dreamweaver]

I am going to hell in a handbag...

I am out of AL.
I am at the crossroad.

Do I buy another beer?
Do I say *uck it and buy a bottle (gin or vodka)

I know my answer is not in a bottle.
My mantra for the day is:

I will not buy or hide any AL today.

It will be a long day.

[greeneyes]

I am going to hell in a handbag...

Good girl... good mantra

[Dreamweaver]

I am going to hell in a handbag...

Can all mothers look at their children and "know" if they have been drinking? I thought my son was angry, going through an "emo" phase, until he told me he had been strung out on cocaine. He is now off... Thank God!

Maybe he lies to me...
As I lie to my mother...
I lie to myself...

I woke up this morning
Like I do every day
The voice in my head was screaming
Just a few today
I relented

[betty boop]

I am going to hell in a handbag...

Dreamweaver good for you!

I have a beautiful daughter and a loving family, and in the end I still needed to do this for me and not them ........

It is just as hard whether you have family or not, you need to want to do it for yourself ........

Take care BB xx

[magic]

I am going to hell in a handbag...

Is it possible to be a good soul trapped in bad behaviour?

Of course it is.

Just because your brain chemicals are screwed up, not normal and you have an addiction to alcohol does NOT make you a bad person. THIS DOES NOT, NOT MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON!!

I imagine it's not the first time you have disappointed your mother, and not just with alcohol.

My children disappoint me constantly. I love them regardless, of course I do. They are good and kind souls. They rarely disappoint me on purpose.

We can all say what if......when.....you just have to be ready. I believe in you!

I don't know how much you drink Sweets, but be careful going cold turkey.

Courage and strength,

magic xx

[Dreamweaver]

I am going to hell in a handbag...

Dexter, Green, Betty, Fifth, and the others who lurk (I too was a lurker)

You are my new best friends.

I hate myself most of the time.
I live in the past all of the time.

I want a brand new day.
Will you be party of it?

I am putting on my big girl pants and going to try my hardest not to lie to you or me. That is the best that I can do right now.

[Dreamweaver]

I am going to hell in a handbag...

Thank you Magic!

I will be OK as far as withdrawal goes. I lurked on the boards and got 2 weeks. I slipped and my 3 day binge turned into 4 (this am).

I am done drinking today!

I might not be a happy camper come tomorrow.

Even now as i write this, THE VOICE is screaming that I have not found the right AL in the proper amount.

I am going to ignore it as best I can.

[Guest]

I am going to hell in a handbag...

Hi Dreamweaver and welcome.

I believe in you and sense that you are very much a good person who just happens to be a victim of alcohol addiction. Self-belief is where it all begins........believe in yourself and let us help you weave some of your dreams into reality.

Wishing you love and strength,

Starlight Impress xxx

[Dreamweaver]

I am going to hell in a handbag...

Promise?