Before I can have that first drink, I have a few rules that I have to follow. Each lasts 60 seconds and in that 60 seconds, I have an opportunity to be outside of my head. They sidetrack the drinking thoughts and put me in another place. It's almost impossible not to do them mindfully and keep thinking of drinking, at least for that 60 seconds. And often, I don't want a drink when I'm done. I firmly believe that every second I don't drink I change. And I can not drink for lots of seconds. I just can't picture them in years, so I don't.
Did you know that the Grand Canyon used to be a mountain range taller than the Rockies? But erosion, over a period of millions of years, transformed it into the massive crater that it is today. As plates shifted, a huge gulf opened up and the mountain range slid into it. No one ever witnessed this because erosion happens so slowly. But that monumental change still happened. I like that analogy for drinking. We were once a mountain, we opened the gulf of drink and slid in, but we can transform into a beautiful basin, ready to receive life.
My rules:
1. I think of something someone has said to me that touched me deeply. For example, my husband, with tears streaming down his face, told me that he aches for me to love the person within myself that he loves so much. He would never hurt her and it is so painful to see me hurt her.
2. I imagine myself as I was as a 3 yr old who loved going outside on sunny days and feeling the grass beneath her bare feet. I picture that little girl asking to go out on a sunny afternoon to play. Then I picture myself locking the door instead and forcing her to drink many times more than her body could handle. She knows she's helpless and trapped within me. And based upon past experience, she faces many endless days of numbness with no sun and grass.
3. I go to the kitchen and drink a large glass of water in 20 sips. This is harder than it sounds! Drinking 20 sips of water in 3 second intervals requires concentration.
4. I go to the bathroom mirror and count to 60 out loud. This is harder than it seems also. I see the desperation in my eyes. Instead of the thrill of chasing a buzz, I see a soul imprisoned.
Did you know that the Grand Canyon used to be a mountain range taller than the Rockies? But erosion, over a period of millions of years, transformed it into the massive crater that it is today. As plates shifted, a huge gulf opened up and the mountain range slid into it. No one ever witnessed this because erosion happens so slowly. But that monumental change still happened. I like that analogy for drinking. We were once a mountain, we opened the gulf of drink and slid in, but we can transform into a beautiful basin, ready to receive life.
My rules:
1. I think of something someone has said to me that touched me deeply. For example, my husband, with tears streaming down his face, told me that he aches for me to love the person within myself that he loves so much. He would never hurt her and it is so painful to see me hurt her.
2. I imagine myself as I was as a 3 yr old who loved going outside on sunny days and feeling the grass beneath her bare feet. I picture that little girl asking to go out on a sunny afternoon to play. Then I picture myself locking the door instead and forcing her to drink many times more than her body could handle. She knows she's helpless and trapped within me. And based upon past experience, she faces many endless days of numbness with no sun and grass.
3. I go to the kitchen and drink a large glass of water in 20 sips. This is harder than it sounds! Drinking 20 sips of water in 3 second intervals requires concentration.
4. I go to the bathroom mirror and count to 60 out loud. This is harder than it seems also. I see the desperation in my eyes. Instead of the thrill of chasing a buzz, I see a soul imprisoned.
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