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    #1

    Help me Focus

    I went AF for 5 days and was as irritable as sin. I kept getting really pissed off because my family kept "watchng" me to look for the signs. My husband went out of town and I drank a bottle of wine, the kids knew that I was "tired". I have since drank 2 more bottles of wine, not openly, but in secret. I am travelling this week on business and have already convinced myself that I wont be able to be AF, before I even start. In fact I think that was my excuse last week.

    I am tired of blaming other people for my failings: if they didn't watch me I wouldn't feel so trapped, if they cleaned the house I wouldn't need to escape, if I didn't have to drive so far, work so hard, cook and clean, etc..... The list of excuses goes on and on but it's not them, it's me. I don't know what happened to me, I used to be a regular person and then about 2 years ago I just got worse and worse to the point that I think I should get an award for being 5 days AF!

    I don't really want to take drugs to substitute for AL, but I will pretty much do anything I can to break this cycle. The first thing I am going to do is try to be AF when I am away, no one is watching me when I travel except myself...so I will try again and also try to stop blaming others

    Its good to just write things down, I feel a bit better already!!!
    Tags: None
    #2
    Help me Focus

    Good idea.

    :welcome:

    You are making a lot of sense.
    Enough is enough

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      #3
      Help me Focus

      Livinlost,

      :welcome:

      I, too, travel for a living. Hopefully not for too much longer!!

      Yes. You can be AF while you are out of town because that is the best time to stay sober.

      Sometimes I wonder why I am still alive considering the amount of times I have wended my way to my hotel room so drunk I could barely make it. What a "mark" we are for predators.

      Love,
      Cindi
      AF April 9, 2016

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        #4
        Help me Focus

        Thank you for your advice. I am really going to try hard and watch over my shoulder for the biggest predator I know right now AL. He is trying to take everything from me and I am just not going to let him do that, anymore:damn:

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          #5
          Help me Focus

          Good for you, livinlost -- stay strong! :yougo:
          ~K.

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            #6
            Help me Focus

            hi livinlost,
            its good that you are ready to take responsibility, of all the things happening, you might be having doubts still now that you might not be able to see through what you are intending to do but do what you can.
            you might as well try this write down all the escuses you do frequently us, that list will keep you alert any time you have to respond to something. take advantage of your trip since you can only manage this sober. keep posting

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              #7
              Help me Focus

              Maasai,
              Thank you for that advice. I will keep you guys close to help me be strong> I bought a new small note book last week that I started to journal but stopped when the wine bottle hit me after 5 days. This morning I went for a run, I got some coffee for myself and husband and I am dteermined not to lose any more. With all of your help this is going to be my year of re-birh!!

              I am so glad I found you all!!!
              :groupluv:

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                #8
                Help me Focus

                Livinlost: Drinking sneaks up on people. You start off normal, and before you know it, you can no longer handle alcohol like you used to. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Just take one day at a time, and each day, really try to abstain. Think of the word, "wellness". Do all the right things to make your mind mentally sound and your body physically healthy. Think how good you will feel when attending business meeting (an having to travel on top of it), with a clear head. I understand you are under pressure with your family. You see.... They really care about you. In a way, you are living under a microscope. Reason being, your family wants you to quit. They have seen you when your good, and they have seen you when your not on top of your game. There is some trust lost. In order to regain your family's trust, you have to show that you are trying to beat this thing. You are not perfect. No one is... But if you show signs of trying and improvement, in time, your family will back off a little. You mentioned you hesitate taking medication to beath AL. I felt that way too. However, I took Campral for one month. My craving for AL were gone within 3 days of taking the medication. Do what ever it takes to regain control over your life. I'm here for you.... We all are. Luv, Reenie
                September 23, 2011

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