I'm here...

[Lucy Van Pelt]

I'm here...

FMS-

It is so wonderful to have you back here. You have been missed.

I am truly sorry about your losing your mom, and when the relationship was complicated, so can the grieving be...

But you are such a strong and wonderful person. I am sorry your mom (and dad) missed out on how wonderful you are.

Now that you are home, you can take the time you need to sort out your feelings. And, as always, know that you are part of this wonderful family here...

Welcome home

With love,

Beth

[AMELIA]

I'm here...

FMS,
So sorry to hear that your mum has passed away. Saddened to read that it has been so difficult with your father and the pool of grief that lies between you.
You sound well grounded and incredibly reflective...... and you are right, you can only do what you can do. You have risen above your self loathing and moved forward psychologically to a better place. I know just how easy being around some of my family members seems to drag me kicking and screaming back to old ways of thinking and behaving.
It must have been really tough being around your dad and his outbursts of anger. I am sad for him too.
I hope that given some time you may be able to start to build a bridge over that pool and strengthen your relationship with your dad.
I feel for you. Sending you love.
x

[cowgal]

I'm here...

family

FMS, glad you are back, you and your mother had been in my thoughts, I am glad you made it back and prevailed through that trying episode of your life, you sound positive and seem to have a plan, I will join others in praying and sending positive thoughts your way in the near future, you WILL get through the funeral fine...........

love:h and big hugs:hug:...........XOXOXO

Mary Anne

[betty boop]

I'm here...

My Dear feet, So nice to see you back, but please accept my condolences ........

You are one strong lady, you will get through this .........

I will be thinking about you .......

Love ya, BB xx

[Finding My Self]

I'm here...

Oh I am so lucky to have you all in my MWO family... Here is the only place I can cry as no one understands how it really is for me but you do....thank you. Your words are amazing...

I don't know who this woman was that everyone is talking about. I suppose if I really thought about it I would remember certain things from a long, long time ago but they were so cancelled out... And, rightly or wrongly, I choose not to think for fear of digging up the huge regrets I laid to rest last year...

I am glad for those who remember her fondly. I really am. I struggle with the feelings of uselessness and guilt and doubt around whether they are right - that it was all me after all and really she was totally this lovely woman who I chose to 'hate'....but do we really choose to 'hate' (which I didn't - just felt such sadness) our own mothers without any reason? I guess I saw and felt what she 'was' and others heard and saw what she 'showed off'....and with no siblings it was hard to find any other feedback. (They might have thought she was wonderful!)

My eldest daughter has written, "Aside from being my Granny, she was a constant presence, support, guide and friend – she was just always there for me. She will always live on in my heart. I will never forget her smiling face, her kindness, her warmth and her love." The daughter I lost through my mother not being there for me....funny old world, eh...

Isn't that so wonderful?...I am glad and sad for my daughter's feelings of joy and now loss...and her feelings are so valid and good. What's wrong with me that I never 'got it'...that I missed it? Did I really just not see it? That makes me horrible.

I wont go there - not now...thinking about it like that sets off negative feelings about both my mum and me and that's not something I want to wallow in any more....it's done...finished...just healing now I hope...

Does any of this make any sense?

Thank you for listening...

Love FMS xx

[AMELIA]

I'm here...

FMS, yes it makes sense and yet it doesn't. We are all individuals and our relationships with other individuals will always be that - unique.

Your daughter had a very different relationship to her granny as you did to her granny - your mum.

Your reality and your feelings are yours. There's nothing wrong with you.

FMS, time may change the way you are looking at things too. Your mum's death and your days with your dad have only just happened. Time...........

xx

[Thankful]

I'm here...

FMS ~ yes, it does make sense. You really can not compare your relationship with your mother to what other's felt about her for a number of reasons. Keep in mind (and I'm not trying to take anything away from your mother's memory) that people have a dendancy to speak well of someone as soon as they pass. It just a natural effect death can have on people. I had a very bad relationship with my Grandmother, but when she died it was just easier to remember the good. Dwelling on the the bad certainly wasn't hurting her anymore (I mean to sound so crass). But all dwelling on the bad did was hurt me. You have to find away to let it go. Never mind how others think of your mom. Their thoughts should not dictate how you are to grieve or remember, hun. Don't put yourself through that. You are entitled to your feelings and it does no good to question them now. Be at peace with yourself and the past.

Also keep in mind most grandparents are much nicer to their grandchildren (expect for my case) than they are/were to their own children. You can't compare your relationship to the one your daughter had with her. It's just wonderful that your daughter did have that relationship. At least you allowed that to happen and you didn't keep your children away from your parents. That is very commendable of you.

You are one of the strongest people I have come to know on this site. I wish I had your ability to "self-search" as you do.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of you.

Love, Me
:l

[rob]

I'm here...

Finding, what you said about the difference between your relationship with your mother and your daughter's makes perfect sense.

But what makes even more sense is your decision not to "go there" right now. This is not the time to be reflecting on how your view of your mum differered from that of the rest of the world. Your MWO family knows you and loves you and we know right where this will lead for you.

You, our precious, will end up thinking that the fault is within you, which is wrong. There is no fault here, there is only perception. You saw your mother as you saw her and everyone else saw her as they saw her, period. Don't let that wonderful, curious mind of yours send you where you don't need to go.

Love and Peace
Rob

[slightlysuze]

I'm here...

Lovely to see you here again, Finding :l

What an insightful and thoughtful post...and it shows just how much you have grown as a person through all your troubles.....you are a blessing here and I am really jealous of anyone who knows you in the 'real world'......they are so lucky!

Sending you peaceful and centred thoughts - for the funeral and everything else.


Suze xx

[Hannah]

I'm here...

((:h Hi Finding,))

Was out for a bit today, and just catching up on the posts....so glad you are able to get back on the boards for more than just a minute, and soak up some healing from all of your MWO family - you are going through such a tough time right now - just take one day at a time, and reread the posts here, much wisdom, love and understanding there - just remember when you are feeling exposed and vulnerable, that we are all here surrounding you with our caring, backs against the wind and the storm - and remember to be patient and gentle with yourself - the magic is in you. (Now who first said that, I wonder?)

:l:l:l Deb

[Accountable for Me]

I'm here...

Thinking of you FMS.

You have been through such a difficult time and I can't add more than what the others here have already said. I wanted to let you know that I have been thinking of you, and wishing you strength and peace.

[Victory]

I'm here...

Peace and Blessings for you FMS

Hi FMS, sorry for your loss. I too had a complicated relationship with my mother. MWO is your new family we are lucky to have each other. Peace and Blessing upon you. Aunty Vic
:h:h:h:h

[Finding My Self]

I'm here...

You know, I am so lucky to have such worldwide love, support, affection and belief....what an amazing 'family' to have...to have been blessed with discovering how the above gifts can turn a life around...well, gratitude from me aint enough! But still...

Thank you.

Thank you for settling me down this evening - yes, I shall 'go with the flow'....each has their own flow and I shall hope for the insight to allow others theirs and if pushed in a different direction to my own, to just 'be' and open my heart.....bit of a tall order but I'll give it a go! You guys are such heart-openers and I shall be thinking of you and these truly touching posts...so if I can, we'll all be doing it!

Thank you again - time for some zzzz's! I keep wondering why I am so tired!! Duh!! :duh:

Lots of these to you all from me - :l:h
FMS xx

[Beaches]

I'm here...

I hope you have a very restful night FMS, you deserve it. Take care of YOU.

[rob]

I'm here...

Finding, sweet dreams. I was re-reading your post and the lyrics from your contry men's song popped into my head.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.



Love and Peace
Rob