I posted this in my thread last night, but I wanted to post it here. When I first began, my heart was so sad, mostly because of my daughter. I know there are so many parents out there that have talked about their kids, so I wanted to say, don't give up. This is just too important. The reward is more than you can ever imagine......:h
"Just got back from a LOVELY dinner with my little best friend. We laughed, and ate sushi. She bet me a dollar she could eat more wasabi than me, and she won. Then we went and ate ice cream and came home to watch American Idol. Totally a night for her, but secretly a night to celebrate me.
60 days. Wow.. I can hardly believe it myself. I have changed. I am happy to spend nights like this. I have to remember back to all the nights and days that I felt so guilty, and there were many. Days where I broke my own heart... days that I wished I could be like "other" Moms. Well, I will never be one of those Moms, I am different. I am a "cool" Mom, as DD says. She is right!
But the most amazing thing for me right now is my ability to be awake. Not drinking has allowed me to learn from her, she is teaching me to play, to laugh, to be silly, to dance in the kitchen, to roll around on the floor, to color. All these things seem small, but I never did these things myself as a child (long story for another time), and was too busy living inside myself for all those years to experience with her.
She is my teacher.
So, to all of you that are still struggling, please don't ever, ever, ever give up. It took me 11 years. Now, it wasn't all bad, of course, but I am now more present than I have ever been and she notices. She is giving back to me tenfold. I am her Mom and I finally feel like one. I have no guilt when I wake up. I have no guilt when I go to bed. I am free to run and play, and playing is fun!
Namaste,
MM"
"Just got back from a LOVELY dinner with my little best friend. We laughed, and ate sushi. She bet me a dollar she could eat more wasabi than me, and she won. Then we went and ate ice cream and came home to watch American Idol. Totally a night for her, but secretly a night to celebrate me.
60 days. Wow.. I can hardly believe it myself. I have changed. I am happy to spend nights like this. I have to remember back to all the nights and days that I felt so guilty, and there were many. Days where I broke my own heart... days that I wished I could be like "other" Moms. Well, I will never be one of those Moms, I am different. I am a "cool" Mom, as DD says. She is right!
But the most amazing thing for me right now is my ability to be awake. Not drinking has allowed me to learn from her, she is teaching me to play, to laugh, to be silly, to dance in the kitchen, to roll around on the floor, to color. All these things seem small, but I never did these things myself as a child (long story for another time), and was too busy living inside myself for all those years to experience with her.
She is my teacher.
So, to all of you that are still struggling, please don't ever, ever, ever give up. It took me 11 years. Now, it wasn't all bad, of course, but I am now more present than I have ever been and she notices. She is giving back to me tenfold. I am her Mom and I finally feel like one. I have no guilt when I wake up. I have no guilt when I go to bed. I am free to run and play, and playing is fun!
Namaste,
MM"
ray:
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