Thinking of starting AF again tomorrow... anyone with me?

[Cinders]

Thinking of starting AF again tomorrow... anyone with me?

Poohbear,

A great thought, too bad I never remember what I said...

[Shikakai]

Thinking of starting AF again tomorrow... anyone with me?

Determinator;287182 wrote: Shikakai, I'm with you too! don't over analyze at this point...try to be good to yourself. we have the rest of our lives to figure this out. Be careful tapering down on the booze...it's easy to end up on another bender (at least it is for me), but do what you gotta do. XXXXX

Thanks, Determinator... I was doing okay until Saturday night, and then had ONE vodka martini and ran home before I grabbed another.

Yesterday was "business as usual". Went to church with my mom and that's always a stressful situation. Couldn't see my way around the VMs. I had three by the time last night rolled around.

Feel crummy this morning because I couldn't stay on the ball

I guess trying to start an AF stretch on one of the hardest days (a Saturday) isn't the best way to go.

I'm glad to read that Cindi and Pooh stayed "on the ball". Congratulations to you both and today is day three for you... you're well on your way whereas I'm back at the gate waiting for the gun to sound. Oh well.

Yea, I have the REST OF MY LIFE to figure this out, Determinator *hugs*

Thanks for the quote, Pooh, and you and Cindi keep it up... I'll catch up one day

I'm just glad something positive did come from the last two days... you two are still "on the ball" and that makes me feel as good as if I were too.

[Shikakai]

Thinking of starting AF again tomorrow... anyone with me?

dexterhead;287189 wrote: Hi Shika! Look, you are a cute puppy now! Avatar changes rattle me, but , I do like puppies a lot .
Hey sweetie, have been thinking of you. And Shika, Pooh, Cindi, damn it, we are going to beat this stupid thing :b&d::bat . Oh yes we will!!!

Thanks for coming in, Dexter... you always make me smile.

Yes, I love that puppy's facial expression... do animals really have facial expressions? LOL!

[dexterhead]

Thinking of starting AF again tomorrow... anyone with me?

oh they sure do. Well, my cat just has various looks of derangement. Hi all, I am IN. Damned sick of poisoning myself!!!!!! uch::bang

[Shikakai]

Thinking of starting AF again tomorrow... anyone with me?

dexterhead;288130 wrote: oh they sure do. Well, my cat just has various looks of derangement. Hi all, I am IN. Damned sick of poisoning myself!!!!!! uch::bang

Good, Dex!

I am going to try again today.

Maybe starting on a Monday and working towards a five-day AF week would be simpler than starting on a Saturday.

Then "lockdown" on Saturday and Sunday; back to outside AF-ing on the 18th (work).

[KateH1]

Thinking of starting AF again tomorrow... anyone with me?

Shik, I spent a lot of time "trying" to stop drinking over the years. I tried the mind game stuff too......not going out....distancing myself, putting myself in lockdown with no AL in the house..etc. etc. But even though I would often go without drinking for several days, moderate etc. I would always end up right where I started and feeling bad about myself for it!

It was not until I came here and realized that "trying" leave the door open to drink.....Well......I tried!

We all live hectic, stressed lives, we all live with difficult relatives, we all have a "reason" to drink! But, we also know the devestating consequences of drinking. More than anything, the twisted way of thinking that drinking leads us to.

My thought is, stop thinking about it and Commit to it. Devise a plan and then implement your plan with a "No Excuses" attitude. You may think that stopping is easier for everyone else. Your life is different, but I guarantee you, it is not. This is not easy, but MWO does offer us the "Tools" that help us devise our plan and work that plan. No where in the book does it say that "Thinking about going AF works!"

Shik, I would love to see you have some True Success with going AF. The more we stay AF, the more clear our thinking becomes. Yes, our lives are still our live, stress, sadnss, hectic etc. We just begin to think and handle them differently!

Good Luck!
KH

[Shikakai]

Thinking of starting AF again tomorrow... anyone with me?

Thanks, Kate... I need help devising a plan! :upset:

Nothing I've tried is working.

What do I need? Another car accident? Another 8 day stay in the hospital? More body scars? WHAT!?

Even the AA meetings aren't working anymore. The last car accident and potential DUI charge almost seems like a distant memory... did it even happen?

I'm sorry I have to say this and I know you hate this kind of talk, but sometimes I feel like I would rather not be here if I can't stop drinking and/or stop drinking.

WHAT IS THE PLAN?

The Kudzu didn't do anything and now I know that the only reason I did stop drinking for those 15 days is because of regret, guilt and downright FEAR due to the accident!

How many accidents and the potential to destroy the lives of others does it take? Wouldn't I just be better off destroying myself first?

What did Morgan Freeman say in the movie, "Lean On Me"? He took the young kid to the top of the building and told him to just jump and get it over with. Why use crack and die a slow, painful death when he can just jump and end it all? He's going to be dead anyway!

That's how I feel!

There are people on here who are on the meds and they are still drinking!

So, what's the plan?

[Cinders]

Thinking of starting AF again tomorrow... anyone with me?

Shik,

I totally understand how you feel. Truly. So close to those feelings that your post made me raw.

My plan is Antabuse. Because it means I CANNOT DRINK!! Not even if I really, really, really want to.

This will let me get into a place where others got without it. Drinking is not an option. Committed.

I am starting Friday, and determined to stay AF until Friday when I see my new shrink. If he will not prescribe it, I am going to go to another "Doc in a Box" who will.

So, a plan is a very personal thing for this addiction but I do hope you decide that life is so much more important than being drunk. Once you do decide that, you will be able to make a plan.

You can do it. If you really want to, you will do it.

Much love and understanding from someone who has been struggling quite a while but not ready to "go into that dark night" without one helluva fight!!

Cindi

[KateH1]

Thinking of starting AF again tomorrow... anyone with me?

Hey Girl.......I wish that the "Bad Experiences" while drinking were enough.....crazy that they are not....right? It is puzzling?

The only thing that I have taken is the supps. I found that Kudzu, 3000 L-Glut, Sam-E have all helped to take the edge off the cravings. Daily exercise, on some days it is just a good brisk walk! But, the biggest help has been working daily on my "Thinking" and reading encouraging books! Keeping focused on what I am grateful for and just plain "Staying Strong", not allowing my thoughts to consume me and give myself , what I call......"Pityful Permission"......LOL....OK...but it helps!

Shik, only YOU can devise a plan.......for you! Read the book again, if you need to. Try the supps again and be regular with them! And Focus and Comitt to this.....NO excuses or reasons allowed to drink!

Shik, I am very concerned about you. You have been mentioning "guns" and suicide again in your posts. I am not criticizing you for this. But it is a source of great concern. Have you thought anymore about seeking a professional to discuss these thoughts with?

Yep.....there are people here on meds and still drinking. Who knows why? But there are a lot more here who are living without AL. It takes a lot of work! But the work is so worthwhile.

Take Care of Yourself......damnit, for some odd reason I am really invested in you!

XX Kate

[Shikakai]

Thinking of starting AF again tomorrow... anyone with me?

On my way to work! Hit you guys when I get a break!

Thanks so much! Truly God-sent, you all are!

[dexterhead]

Thinking of starting AF again tomorrow... anyone with me?

Hi Shika. I am worried about you too, sweetie. You sound very depressed. Do you have any support system other than aggravating family? (Personally, I do not, other than one friend and my MWO pals.)
Have you thought about seeing a doctor, either a therapist or a psychiatrist? If you're worried about med confidentiality issues, you could pay cash. although I know it can be hard to get in. I saw a psychiatrist last year. He was SO understanding, unlike my 9-yr-old GP (it's bad when you reach the point that your doctors and dentists are way younger than you!) and told me a lot about brain chemistry and AL. Just a thought.

[poohbear]

Thinking of starting AF again tomorrow... anyone with me?

Just doing a quick check in as my work day is over and this is usually the "time" if you know what I mean - but I am going to hold it in check and NOT drink today.

Shik hun we are here for you no matter if you drink or don't drink because that is what this is all about. Helping each other along on this dreaded long road and knowing there are people out there that will help pick us up, dust us off and keep on a walking. Heck look you were able to stop at 3 vm's, when I get going I don't stop till the bottle is empty or I pass out. Hang in there - together we can do this!!!!!!!!!

Cindi - how was your day?? If you need someone one to talk to to get you through the evening again we are here.

Dex - hey there happy to have you along the more the merrier I say - boy why oh why does this have to be so tough???? Ugh I think it's just not for us to understand just to accept what is is what is - if that makes sense.

Hugs

Pbear

[Cinders]

Thinking of starting AF again tomorrow... anyone with me?

Poohbear, Shik and Dex,

Checking in, too, Poohbear and thank you for the kind offer. I am about to go to bed, though. I do take Benadryl to get me to sleep. Not a perfect answer but works early in this stage of it.

8:05 pm here and I am past my huge crisis (4:00 ish today instead of 3:00) and doing fine.

I am a little grumpy with hubby, though, I think the nerves are a little tense.

I did take 1 GABA 750 mg at 4:00 and 3 Kudzu. Don't know if placebo or not, but it helped.

Shik - Please let us know how you are doing. We are all worried about you. Trust me, I know the feelings of despair and the helplessness again your own mind. This deal is hard but you can do it, WHEN you are truly ready. The trick is to keep trying. I have failed many, many times over the last year and yet, here I go. Trying again. I will prevail over this addiction. I truly will. So will you if you keep trying.

Dex - how are you doing? Hanging in there? If not, try again tomorrow. Okay?

Love,
Cindi

[dexterhead]

Thinking of starting AF again tomorrow... anyone with me?

Cindi: ridiculous, I am crying right now that you reached out to me, I am such an emotional mess. I think my depression issues have kicked into high gear partly because of the awful winter here. I have nightmares every single night .. I am going to try again tomorrow. Shika, hope you are doing OK .. let us try hard tomorrow. Pooh, Kate, everyone, thanks for caring.

[KateH1]

Thinking of starting AF again tomorrow... anyone with me?

Dex, Sorry you are feeling bad.....dark, long winters can really do a number on you!. I know, I lived in Mich for five years! The good news is, Spring has almost sprung!! Hang in there, and remember to watch the "cat nip"!

Pooh and Cindy, Well done!!! Keep going!

Shik......I swear I am going to get on a plane come and kick your bum!!! And of course I will also stop and buy some Sour Dough bread!!! Yummy! Seriously....please check back!

XXXX Kate