My Friends

[gabby1go]

When you are faced with a moral dillema that a family member has entrusted to you what do you do??? I am incredibly conflicted. Do I become part of the lie? I need some guidance. To be more clear, she is having an affair, been married for 18 years. I LOVE my brother-in-law. Known him more than most of my friends. She has used me as an excuse. Help.

[Accountable for Me]

My Friends

Well, my advice to you is to stay out of it. Don't get yourself involved because it will be you in the end that will end up paying for it some how.

Just let your sister know that you don't want to have any part of it.

[Noelle]

My Friends

Oh, oh......I know this one for sure! I agree totally with AFM above. No involvement, don't even listen to her if you can. Much less pain for you. And good luck with it......it won't be easy!

[gabby1go]

My Friends

a.f.m.,

I appreciate the advice, but it is easier than it sounds. Without giving a two page diatribe about the way she treats me, I don't know how to say "no". If I could spell it all out on this page you wouldn't believe it. She makes me feel like a piece of s**t.

[betty boop]

My Friends

Absolutely don't get involved and tell her that if she uses you as an excuse again that you will tell the brother in law ..........

Good luck with this ........ BB xx

[Accountable for Me]

My Friends

You know... this could be your chance to stand up to her shit. Really, think about it. You, for one, do not deserve to be treated like shit by anyone - muchless her. Secondly, if you stand up to her, and tell her 'no', you may see something change for the better.

Trust me.... my sister - a piece of work, let me tell you. I could write a novel on the way she treats me. I finally stood up to her last spring - and I am so very happy I did!! If you look up my sister in the dictionary, you would find a pic of her under EVIL. And I am the eldest out of the two of us - go figure eh? I have had a life time of pain and heartache because of her.

Don't let her manipulate you anymore.

[gabby1go]

My Friends

Betty & Noelle,

I know your advice is right. I, however, can't do it. She will make my life miserable. I hate to say it, but if I met her on the street I would never be friends with her. She is a hater.

[gabby1go]

My Friends

A.F.M.,

You are sooooo right. To give you a rundown, she graduated from N.Y.U. , magna cum laude (always thrown in my face). However, I am more successful, retired at 40, and she is always trying to bring me down.

[Accountable for Me]

My Friends

Retired at 40? WOW! Way to go to you! That totally kicks ass - much more than a University Degree I would say. I have another 4 years until I am 40, and I know there won't be any hope for me to retire. I am University educated but that gets most squat and they still have to work until they are 100.

You should be proud. Your sister is just jelouse. My sister is a jelouse bagatha herself, and she has every right to be as far as I am concerned ;-) I just won't let her take me down in her misery anymore.

[gabby1go]

My Friends

How did you do it???

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

My Friends

Gabby

Is your real name Matt, as in Door Mat? I think not!

1. No once can treat you like shit unless you let them.
2. You have to be loyal to yourself first.

Maybe you should consider: WHY did she choose to confide in you? Does she know that "for every action there is a reaction", and is she anticipating that you will react? Is she trying to get you to do the dirty work for her, and spill the beans?

The difficult thing is that she KNOWS that you value your relationship with your brother-in-law.... I, too, have a brother in law that I'm close to. So if your sister is manipulative, when the shit starts hitting the fan, either way the finger will be pointed at you.... "AND GABBY HAS KNOWN SINCE MARCH!".... not fair, but reality.

Maybe she's painted a fairy tale ending with her lover.... "we both get divorced, custody of the kids is alternated every-other weekend, I get child support, and everyone lives happily ever after"....

I don't know what action you should take- maybe write a letter to your dear sister? Personally, if it was me, I would tell her that I don't approve of what she is doing, because it is selfish and there are other people to consider. I would tell her that I have no intention of telling anyone, BUT if someone asks me, then I will NOT lie about her infidelity. I'd also tell her that I do not want to hear any of the romantic, sordid details, nor the justification as to WHY it is okay for her to commit adultery.

Are there kids involved? Be there for them, Gabby, because they'll need you eventually.
Much love, :heart:

[Accountable for Me]

My Friends

Well, I had found out that my sister 'borrowed' a lot of money off of my nana to supposedly catch up on rent, bills, food for the family and other stuff. A few thousand anyway. My sister used this money to buy a car. I was so pissed off at her for doing this to my nana, and not to mention I had enough of my sister's crap anyway, so I phoned her and gave her a piece of my mind. I told her I thought she was a horrible person for the way she treats everyone and how she lies and tries to destroy lives (mine & my kids). I basically told her to take a flying leap.

There has been SOOOOOOOO much stuff that has happened over the years, and man - she is a sorry excuse for a human being. I think you finally get to that point where you have had enough and you know that you deserve so much better.

I could not be happier.

[gabby1go]

My Friends

Patty,

Wowserers Penny & Brain!! You tell it like it is. I like that. The problem is that she counts on me. I have been through more s**t than she could ever handle. I am tougher, stronger, and a pitiful alcoholic. Which is my downfall.

[maasai]

My Friends

gabby, how would you want you to be part of the problem or the solution, as part of the solution stay out of it and you will emarge the winner why spit the trueth to her face all the times she comes to harrass you.

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

My Friends

So Gabby, does she want you to be the tough one and tell her what she's doing is wrong? And re-reading this thread... does she pretend she's with you when she's really with lover-boy? If that's the case, I would tell her that I will NOT lie for her, end of discussion. Furthermore, if my sister thought that she could pretend to be with me and I found out about it, I would deliberately make a visit to someone in my family so when the question comes up, "where's Susie?", I could honestly say, "I have no idea. Call her and find out"... she'd get the drift really quick.

You should be flattered that she counts on you, but use your tough-love wooden spoon and whack her on the butt. I had a friend that was cheating on his wife and confided in me that he was gonna leave her. I told him how I envisioned his new future- the complicated family outings, the awkward weddings, the dysfunctional Christmas holidays, where everyone is secretely pissed at his new "soulmate" for tearing up their family.... it was a long fist-to-cuffs talk. I gave him a hug and simply said, "In the end, I know you'll do the right thing".

That threw him for a loop.... WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE RIGHT THING? And I simply said, "you know what is right". He and his wife worked things out, and they've been happy for the last couple of years. He broke it off with his "soulmate", and is back to being faithful.

And Gabby, being an alcoholic, and overcoming that battle, has added to your strength, dear. Downfall or not, if I think of Gabby as a "total package", you are amazing, dear :l!